Posted on 12/28/2012 7:44:29 AM PST by Uncle Chip
A music theater student has won a stalking order against her parents who admitted they installed monitoring software on her computer and phone to ensure that she succeeded.
David and Julie Ireland have been ordered to have no contact with their 21-year-old daughter - their only child - before September 23, 2013 and must keep 500 feet away from her at all times.
The unusual case concerns Aubrey Ireland, a musical theater major who regularly fills lead roles at Cincinnati's prestigious College-Conservatory of Music and has made the Dean's List every quarter.
Despite this success, her parents often drove 600 miles from their home in Leawood, Kansas, to visit her unannounced and to accuse her of promiscuity, of using drugs and of having mental issues.
They even informed her head of department that she had mental problems and that they were considering going to court to force her to get treatment, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported.
When she cut off all contact, they stopped paying her tuition and demanded she return the $66,000 they had spent. The judge refused and the college gave her a full scholarship for her final year.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
“Kids just don’t get it, if you parent is gullible enough to pay your tuition (especially to a $$$ private school) then they own you, it is an investment and they expect a return, that being success.”
Not always.
When my son went to college, I paid his tuition with the following understanding: I hired him to go to school. If he underperformed (failed) then I would fire him.
He did and I did.
He then went to work in a customer service industry and soon found out it is harder to work for a living than to go to school. He then put in his own time and dime to finish his Associates degree—proving to me and his mother he was dedicated to completing his degree. He then asked to be re-hired to finish his degree. I re-hired him.
I re-hired him under the previous conditions and he did very well.
He graduated and is happy and on his way in the world. . .and this parent (and wife unit) do not own him or expect anything from him. . other than he be responsible and a good citizen. . .and an occasional Mother’s Day card.
It certainly is free exposure. Notice how the pictures of her are the high quality, head shot types, too. Who knows? I guess this is one of those cases where time will tell. My grandmother had a saying, “I pity those with no children and I pity those with only one”. She loved kids (had five but one died before age 2). Her point was that an only child has both parents complete focus on them. All their eggs in one basket type case. If something happens to the child (and in her generation it was more likely death) then the parents were left with nothing. I hated that saying when I was young.. didn’t understand it. However, over my years, I have seen some family/friend cases where the only child “goes bad”, dies or simply removes themselves from the parents life. Very sad.
I guess kids are all on different timelines. Some take a bit more time to hit full adulthood than others. You did a great job with your two, NEMDF! I really appreciate what you told your daughter. You didn’t sugar coat the financial reality... this stuff isn’t free. Obviously a smart girl to seek out an advisor and make a sure fire plan and it worked. Good for her!
That is basically what I meant. They are an employee and are expected to produce. They can be fired outside of basic necessities.
I am teaching my 15 yoa daughter that now, she doesn’t like it when the gravy train dries up like cell service is cutback to a minimum (like 300 texts a month vs unlimited), allowing her to participate in extra-curricular activities that cost money, and the occasional perk like iTunes cards and some $$ to go shopping on a weekend dry up when grades/behavior fall below my documented expectations.
Use to happen all the time in the really really old days
Your father would control the family until he died as the patriarch in the Roman Empire.
Some of the deeds and wills from the Plymouth area share some of that.
Wait. This girl gets a full scholarship and is a top student and struggles to free herself from a psychotic tyranny imposed by her parents and Freepers are rooting for the parents!? This must be the same sort of insightfulness that won us the Presidential election.
Sad yes in the overall picture, I agree.
But parents, and a bunch of posters on this thread (not saying you) Are missing a couple important points.
A parent does not ‘own’ an adult child, regardless of any work contract/agreements or whatnot. By all accounts she was/is a top student and headed in a good direction in her chosen career. Parents can make whatever demands they want outside that. All day long. But they have ZERO ‘Right’ to dictate squat to an adult.
Now second, If a parent ‘feels’ they have the ‘right’ to treat a 21 yo like a 5 yo at her first slumber party, I believe that adult child id better off without having insane parents in their life. Perhaps forever if needed.
Because next it will be a nonstop pry into choosing a husband, dictating terms of their marriage, dictating terms of raising children, dictating what school THOSE CHILDREN go to.....
It will never end.
And all the people here siding with the parents should get to know an adult child who suffered through that absolute hell before opining the kid is the problem.
Perhaps in some cases they are. Perhaps this one is too. But I maintain that no ‘parent’ owns the life or any aspect thereof, of an adult child, period.
And in cases where a split happens because a parent refuses to accept their boundaries as a parent and as another human being,, it is the fault of Mommie and Daddy Dearest regardless of how much they spend on college.
What I find interesting with this case is indeed the perception and that involves (usually) life experience. I am sure there are parents out there that try to control to the point that it is smothering. I am also sure there are “adult” children.. willing to take the tuition, room and boarding, spending money and feel they don’t have any sort of obligation towards behavior. As I stated before, if the young woman does indeed have a mental disorder that the parents claim... then that will come to light. If she is mentally healthy, ambitious and just trying to start a life away from being told constantly what to do... then that will also come to life.
A split isn’t always on the parents. It is if it involves boundaries but sorry... I’ve known two couples that their one child no longer contacts them. One is because his wife doesn’t like “family” and the other one is because the daughter got into drugs/crime/bad company. Both set of parents have tried and tried and tried to no avail. I guess parenting is tricky... it isn’t always happy tidings.
The school has to hire guards to keep these nuts from disrupting theatricals, and you blame the girl?
No kidding. She’s made the Dean’s list EVERY semester, and the school has to hire guards to keep the nutso parents from disrupting theatricals and the majority around here roots for the nutcases. I’m disgusted.
I don’t understand why parents would be ever be held legally responsible for a 21 year old adult child, no more than a bank funder or scholarship sponsor. I didn’t read anything in this story that remotely backs up the parents obsessive compulsive allegations, parading as concern. The daughter’s alleged derangements seem to either be written out of the story entirely, or truly do not exist in any shape or form. In any case, these behaviors would not have legal bearing that would excuse the constant stalking and excessive privacy invasions on the part of nutty parents.
Why would anyone side with the parents, based on the evidence of this story?
At some point, the parents and the child need to transition to a new stage in their relationship, but some parents don’t know when to let go. Sometimes, it’s up to the child to put their foot down and draw those lines.
I was living with my parents during my first couple years of college, when my parents decided that I was going to move with them, out of state, because they were planning to retire, without even discussing it with me. So, I worked overtime, saved my money, got a roommate, and secured my own place, without discussing it with them. I think they got the message then that it wasn’t okay for them to make decisions for me anymore.
This same thing happened to a friend. The parents were convinced that she was promiscuous because she was out of their sight. They would show up on campus and kidnap her. Finally, her boyfriend (who was a fraternity brother) stepped in. They gave him grief but they backed off because he was a rough guy.
Ironically, he was a virgin and I know she was not.
LOL! Nailed it!
Yeah, there's a few folks here who really need to log off once in a while and take a stroll out in the real world.
And the product was families like the Kennedys.
Boy did that work out well. We need more like them.
Yup.And soon feet will be held to fire../s
I whis some one could tell me definitively what happened to the conservative movement. It used to be based on logic and reason. Now?
If this is what passes for modern Conservatism It’s time to establish the Republic of Norm. It’s currently a Republic of one, but I hope it’s ideas spread far and wide.
And none of them think slavery is a good idea. Financial, parental or otherwise.
I guess they don’t have to cover her on their health insurance until they are 26 either?
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