Posted on 07/12/2012 9:02:05 AM PDT by Kaslin
Dear Carrie: I'm getting married in six months. My fiance and I both have steady jobs, but he has a lot more debt than I do, especially student loans. Once we're married, am I also responsible for his debts? I want to be a good partner, but this kind of scares me. --A Reader
Dear Reader: This is a great question, and you're very smart to be asking it now. As much as we all want to focus only on romance as we approach marriage, finance also plays an important part in a happy and long-lasting relationship.
To initially put your mind at rest, no, you aren't legally responsible for debts your fiance incurred before your marriage. But to me, as a good partner, you can't just ignore his situation and hope he has the money to pay them off himself. The two of you really need to have a serious discussion about your overall finances, including how you'll handle individual past debts, as well as any debts you take on as a couple.
START WITH THE BIG PICTURE
The first thing to do is to figure out how much financial togetherness you want. Do you plan to pool all your money or would you each prefer to have a bit of financial independence? There's no right or wrong approach. Some couples have joint accounts for everything. Others prefer to keep separate accounts for personal expenses and a joint account for household expenses -- ditto for savings. Talk about your individual and mutual savings goals and prioritize them. For instance, if a down payment on a house is your No. 1 mutual goal, you can decide together how much you'll each contribute toward it. But let's say one of you wants a new car, might that be considered an individual savings goal?
ZERO IN ON DEBT
Past debts can be handled the same way, either separately or together. But first, distinguish between consumer and student debt. Not only is credit card debt expensive, but it could indicate a spending problem that you both need to address. Student loan debt is entirely different. It generally carries a much lower interest rate, it's for a positive and mutually beneficial end, and it isn't a ding on your credit rating unless you miss a payment.
Also, look at your feelings. Will you be resentful if you help him pay his debts? Personally, I would be more inclined to help my new husband pay down a student loan than a car loan. On the other hand, will you be able to achieve your mutual goals more quickly if you pay off your debts together? Successful relationships are built on compromise. You both have to be open and honest as you figure out what is fair and appropriate for your marriage.
Future debts are another story. Once you're married, you're mutually responsible for most debts incurred for the good of the household. State laws vary regarding joint responsibility, depending on whether or not you live in a community property state, but in general, if you have joint credit cards, car loans or mortgages, you'll be jointly liable. Also, while you're not liable for your husband's student loans, if he refinances them after you marry, it's possible that you may be jointly responsible for paying them off. If this comes up, make sure you understand the terms of any refinance.
MAKE A PRACTICAL PLAN
Don't be content with just talking about your finances. Use this as an opportunity to come up with a practical plan. Start with individual roles and responsibilities, such as:
--Which expenses will you share (mortgage or rent, utilities, groceries) and which will you keep separate (clothes, personal entertainment)?
--If one of you makes more money than the other, how much of your individual incomes will you each contribute to the household that's fair to both of you?
--Who will be responsible for paying the bills, filing tax returns, keeping records, etc.?
--How much will you save each year, and how will you divide it among short-term goals like a vacation and long-term goals such as retirement?
Then be sure to include a specific repayment schedule for the debts you each have, complete with dates. No matter who pays for what, agree to economize as much as possible until all the debts are paid.
Talking about money can be uncomfortable at first, but once you get started, you may find that it actually brings you closer together. Unknown territory can certainly feel frightening. But the more you understand each other financially and make a plan based on that understanding, the better able you'll be to make your hopes and dreams for the future come true.
“No romance without finance.”
Easy answer: Yes you are marrying his debts-—but-— you are also marrying the career he got because he made those debts.
For better or else.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: “I’m a great housekeeper. Every time I get divorced, I keep the house!”
She had debt before I even meet her, which she blamed on her previous man of course...
Before you marry, a frank discussion on money,sex, religion and politics is in order. What is a difference of opinion now will be a BIG deal later.
I have money, I want to spend yours...
That's what this is all about, the fact that, while he's paying his debts, his effective income will be much reduced.
Are you marrying the debt.
Yup, darn tootin’ you are.
About 7 years ago, a retired friend who owned his own house, savings and pension, met and married a woman who’d been on welfare for years.
She told the welfare people to stop the checks, which they did.
Unfortunately, New York State attached the joint assets to gain restitution and confiscated his bank account, attached his pension and sold his home. All to get back the cash they spent on his wife over the years.
It wasn’t enough that he took this woman off the welfare rolls, they had to destroy him financially.
LOL - Oh, and you've got a great tag too!
Thanks. Same to you. Did Barry really say that? LOL!
Are you saying you are the fiance and are now trying to get out of your debt? Nice try fella, but it isn’t going to work
What a misleading response by the columnist! Maybe technically the woman isn’t liable for her husband’s previous debts, but even if he promises to “pay them off himself” with his “own money”, the debt payments and interest payments will effectively reduce the pool of income and financial resources they are sharing together after the wedding. Even a pre-nup isn’t going to be able to address that reality.
Face it - if you marry someone with debt, you will be sharing the burdens associated with that debt - not to mention dealing with the attitudes toward money that led to the debt in the first place. Good luck with that!
There is that to consider.
If you like that one, you’ll enjoy these... (yeah, he really said them - all of ‘em.) link below
People have criticised me because my security detail is larger than the president’s. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are. Marion Berry
I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa? Marion Berry
http://quotingquotes.com/72976/
I never had any debt and over the years my wife has helped me achieve a very good credit rating.
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