THE FIRST STEP IN RESOLVING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
CW Moore, in his book, The Mediation Process: Practical Strategies for Resolving Conflict defines conflict as "struggles between two or more people over values, or competition for status, power, or scarce resources." Experts in conflict management believe that conflict is inevitable in any organization or relationship. Many strategies have been developed to mediate and resolve organizational and interpersonal conflicts. What is usually missing in these mediation processes is a biblical understanding of the nature and causes of conflict. James 4:1-2 indicates that the causes of fights and quarrels among us come from our desires to win, to have our way, to get what we want, to control the outcome. Therefore, according to God's direction, the first step in resolving interpersonal conflicts requires a self-examination of our motives, desires, wants, positions, and interests. The Bible teaches us to look within, and discover our own faults, before trying to correct the faults of others. Matthew 7:3-5 illustrates this point, "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Although conflict is unavoidable, it is not always negative. In fact there are some very positive outcomes that can be derived through conflict. The Chinese form the symbol for "conflict" by combining two terms: danger and opportunity. Conflict can be a destructive experience, or the opportunity to clarify confusion, roles and expectations. Conflict always provides an opportunity to glorify God, to serve God, and to grow in grace. Conflict gives us a chance to show God that we love, respect, honor, and trust Him. It also allows us to demonstrate to others God's principles of love, forgiveness, and humility. Philippians 2:3-4 advocates a spirit of collaboration in dealing with conflicts in interpersonal relationships. That is, to place the thoughts, ideas, and feelings of others on par with our own. As Stephen Covey suggests, "Seek first to understand and then to be understood." Conflict mediation techniques and strategies are very useful and necessary. However, God would have us include some more significant ingredients to the resolution processes, the two "Great Commandments:" "To love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength ... and to love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:29-31). Trust these two great commandments and they will take you where you need to go, imbue the right spirit within you, and direct you in the things you do.
CAPT Leroy Gilbert, CHC, USN
|
