Posted on 12/22/2011 6:25:58 AM PST by US Navy Vet
Antipathy towards stay-at-home mothers goes back to the early days of modern feminism.
This house believes that a woman’s place is at work. That is the motion The Economist’s editors invited me to oppose in a ten-day, online, Oxford-style debate. A friend urged me to decline. The motion is silly, she said. No one can seriously defend the view that women must be in the workplace. You will be left attacking a strawman. Don’t do it.
Well, I did do it. I have spent years studying the organized women’s movement, and I knew the motion would not lack for serious defenders. Antipathy towards stay-at-home mothers goes back to the early days of modern feminism. In her classic, The Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan called the traditional suburban home a “comfortable concentration camp” and described housewives as “walking corpses.” But Friedan was a moderate compared to feminist pioneer Simone de Beauvoir. Beauvoir once said, “No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children … Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one.”
(Excerpt) Read more at american.com ...
In my day, I could not earn enough money to come out ahead, but when I tried my kids suffered.
Today, the govt has taken so much out of the paycheck, the women have to work to make up the differance, and some do very well.
With the divorce rate and or single moms, they have no choice but to go to work, and that is very sad, for them, the children, and our country.
The gov't is mostly to blame for all this mess, they have designed the welfare state, marriage "bad" taxes, etc., but all of that would take another thread and has been discussed many times.
There are many people who are satisfied enough with welfare bennies who choose not to work. That isn’t a “hate the poor” it’s simply the way it is.
By your argument you aren’t raising you children when you take them to Sunday School at church or let they stay with their grandparents.
Raising is not equitable to being with them every hour of the day.
Obviously, you prefer your wife working and she's honoring you by doing so.
What's the problem.
The only one on this thread getting his panties in a self righteous wad is you. Have a cold beer and calm down.
But do check out my profile for a true story of what was in the mind of one young child whose parents were busy "helping others". Just be aware that children sometimes process the world in unexpected ways.
I don’t prefer anything, my wife is an adult and can make her own choices. I don’t rule her, we are a team.
You sound like your very happy with your choices, LOL, good luck!
I didn’t paint all working mothers as inadequate or incompetent.
And that's the point. I work from home, 30 hours a week. My two year old hangs out in a play yard next to me and we play music and I stop and chat with her regularly and get to take her on my errands. If I couldn't work from home I wouldn't work at all - we'd change our lifestyle and live on my husband's salary. Being here all day - knowing when she does something for the first time, or taking a minute to talk about the book she's looking at - is so worth it.
I spent a year and a half as a full-time mommy when she was born before getting a contract. I have to say getting work again made a big difference in my quality of life. I feel smarter and more awake and I don't have the nagging worry about a resume with blank spaces. But I wouldn't put her in daycare for my own fulfillment; I think she needs me here and that will be even more true as time goes on.
I'm working on plans for the next few years, considering options that will let me work or keep intellectually fulfilled while still being home with my daughter. I've only got 16 or so more years before she goes off to school, I want to make the most of it.
No one painted all of anything as inadequate or incompetent. You, on the other hand, slammed the stay at homes as uneducated.
Did she refuse to stay home or does she need to work. Look how I phrased my comment. It doesn’t criticize those who need to work.
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No, you really did not mention the moms who work outside the home at all.
Well, except to suggest that women have purity, true beliefs, and wholesomeness BECAUSE they are stay at home moms. You have left to our imaginations what degree of purity, true beliefs, and wholesomeness a mother who works outside the home may possess.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
I believe working mothers are painted with a broad brush as selfish feminists. You obviously are an intelligent woman who has much to offer your family and your profession.
If a child leaves for school at the age of 5 are we really only talking about the first 5 years?
We are a team, very united.
Both always did well in school, normal youth activities, have been employed at one job or another since age 16, and have graduated college. The girl is an RN, and the boy did 4 years in USMC, has gone on and married, and given me a precious granddaughter this year.
It was good that I had a decent job and income by the time my ex- (may he rest in peace now...) chose to be a “weekend dad” and philandering alcoholic, wasting thousands of dollars a year out partying with his friends. We would have been homeless if forced to live on child support from him of under $300/month. And for those who will say that my working broke up the marriage, that is pure BS.
I think that you're protesting too loudly. That, and I made a comment earlier about crabs in a pot. Just sayin'.
It’s gotten to the point where a lot of 30 something women I know would have a complete meltdown if they had to spend all day with their own children.
My wife and I decided to have her stay home with the kids. It cost us a very nice retirement. But, our kids were not raised by someone making minimum wage and housed in a building with a dozen other kids being exposed to God knows what.
Everyone has to make their own call. Most people make it out of greed or narcissism . We live in a society that does not value the old, and we dismiss the young as an inconvenience.
That does not bode well for the future of our culture.
I don’t think anyone can honestly say what is best for anyone else. Some mothers stay at home and are truly bad mothers- some work and are great mothers. To each his own, I stayed home until my youngest was in middle school, then worked part-time and was still home when they got home for years. I have no idea if it was the right thing according to many- but it was the right thing for me.
People can argue quality/quantity time with children all they want to- I lean towards quality. I saw too many stay at home moms years ago that focused on cleaning the house better than their neighbors, cooking better than the neighbors, or watching soaps- not focusing on the children at all. My mother kept a tidy house, and cooked great food, but her focus was always on us and it was great. People have an ideal of a stay at home mom in their head but it is not always the reality.
I can see the resentment in the way your comments have been attacked here. Some people can get so jealous of the way others are willing to sacrifice for the good of their children.
I just cannot imagine paying a stranger to take care of my child just so I can have my career. But full-time motherhood is demanding, so it’s a lot easier for a lot of thewhiners to just drop the kiddies off with someone else.
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The resentment you speak of is being matched by your own looking down your nose at those “whiners [who] just drop the kiddies off with someone else.”
You want respect for your choices, but appear less than willing to accept and respect others’ choices.
For the record: dad to 3 kids aged 19-29, raised by 2 parents who worked outside of the home. Older 2 college grads, married, and working at things they love. 3rd still in college.
I have not, and would not, ever criticize a stay at home mom - I was raised by one. But it’s not the only path to raising successful, well-adjusted American citizens.
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