How I helped my mother starve to death: NY Times reporter writes book...

LifeSitenews.com ^ | August 23, 2011 | by Jeremy Kryn

[topher]

LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM, August 22, 2011 (LifeSiteNews.com) – A recently retired New York Times reporter has penned a book in which she details how she followed through on a shocking pact to help her 88-year-old mother, Estelle, starve to death.

Julia Gross with her mother Estelle. In an excerpt from the book, “A Bittersweet Season,” published recently in the Daily Mail, Jane Gross describes her mother’s increasing dissatisfaction with life as her health deteriorated, and her mounting desire to die, despite the fact that she was not terminally ill.

“So here we were, my mother and I, wishing that she were terminally ill and feeling a bit creepy about it,” Gross writes about her conversations with her mother about her death wish.

Gross admits that there “was no pretending I hadn’t been part of her decision [to die], and had arguably even encouraged it,” but argues that she made sure that her mother, with whom she had never been particularly close, was “doing this for herself,” and not out of a desire to spare her children “trouble and expense.”

Finally, after her mother spelled out the words “N-O-W,” Gross met with staff at the hospice where her mother was being cared for, and thus began the lengthy and grueling process of her mother’s death by starvation and dehydration – a process that staff had told Gross would only last a week, but that actually lasted 13 days.

[Cementjungle]

All expenses related to the terminal diagnosis are covered under hospice care.

Going through this as we speak with my mother-in-law. Hospice care only provides daily visits, so we have to pay $500/day for private nurses to be there 24X7.

And yes, it is a gruesome process for sure.

[trisham]

Arrest her and charge her with murder.

[trisham]

Well said.

[topher]

Jane Gross on a blog on the New York Times that seems to be related:

BLOG on NY Times: The New Old Age: Subtitle: Caring for Aging Parents: articles authored by Jane Gross

I guess her way to care for her parents is to starve them to death.

You might find a way to email or ask the New York Times about your question -- did a Hospice pay for starving her mother to death?

Since medicine is socialized in the UK, the answer is probably yes...

[trisham]

The woman hated her mother.

**********************

So it seems.

[heartwood]

Why was her mother in a hospice if she was not terminally ill?

[topher]

Given the woman's age -- 88 -- and how she died, starvation, it is unclear about the suffering.

The brain operates on GLUCOSE [blood sugar]. Starving the brain tied with how the brain may have problems in old age, might mean that the person is in fact suffering.

You cannot find out if the person suffered unless you bring them back and have them explain their suffering.

There is the well documented story of Maximillam Kolbe.

The Nazis tried to starve him to death in Auswitz, but they finally had to poison him after the other 11 prisoners, aka Nazi victims, died.

Of course, Maximillam Kolbe had no right being alive anyway -- he had only 1/2 of one lung...

In his case, it was God's will that he remained alive.

[topher]

I don't know. It was in the UK, where they have socialized medicine.

But then some sort of nursing home or other facility could have helped her.

[kcvl]

There is a local hospice house in this area where patients are cared for 24/7.

Statement of Purpose

At the John R. Williamson Hospice House, we provide specialized care to eligible hospice patients who require acute pain management and symptom control; physical, emotional, or spiritual stabilization; or frequent clinical assessment and observation. We also offer short-term placement for hospice patients who have no caregiver, whose caregiver has a need for temporary respite, or where circumstances in the home environment necessitate an extended, but limited, period of caregiver relief.

The John R. Williamson Hospice House accepts patients from anywhere in the nation.

http://lifetouchhospice.org/Hospice_House.html

[heartwood]

I’ve seen elderly, debilitated, demented patients refuse to eat. At that stage it does not seem like suicide; it seems like the last bit of autonomy left to someone who’s ready to go. They deserve an examination and a swallow eval to make sure there isn’t anything to prevent them from eating if they want to; they deserve fluids if they want, IV fluids if they’ll tolerate it, and a chance to change their minds.

But when you see a wiry old lady ripping out every tube, let her go.

[yldstrk]

sick

[Mrs. Don-o]

Why did you share rhis story about your mother? Was it for affirmation? And why did you feel guilty? Was it because you thought you did something wrong?

If a person can no longer assimilate food (because their processes of digestion and absorption have shut down), or if feeding provides negligible nutritive benefit, but causes severe discomfort and pain (nausea, vomiting, infection or abcesses at the point of tube entry, risk of aspiration/suffocation) and death from an underlying cause is in any case imminent-- in these cases, futile, burdensome attempts to provide nutrients can be discontinued.

If such was your mother's case, then you had no need to continue attempted feeding, and you ought not to feel guilty.

Because I don't know anything about your mother's condition, that's all I have to say. I hope you may be at peace.

[tarotsailor]

Gross admits that there “was no pretending I hadn’t been part of her decision [to die], and had arguably even encouraged it,” but argues that she made sure that her mother, with whom she had never been particularly close, was “doing this for herself”

Old woman with a daughter who could care less about you and and the times you do get to see her she keeps encouraging you to die.

They remind me of "The Waltons."

-Good night, Elizabeth...Good night, Mary Ellen.-

-Good night, Mama. Please die tonight.-

[brytlea]

I kind of don’t doubt it. People are afraid to say abortion is wrong. So they say, “I wouldn’t have one, but it’s not my business to tell someone else not to.”

[I still care]

That daughter seems an incredibly vile creature.

[trisham]

Thank you, Mrs. D. That was very kind of you.

[brytlea]

We live with whatever decisions we make. It’s unfortunate that medical science has come to the point where we, in effect, play God. My Mom’s in heaven too. I miss her, but I’m not sure what she’s in Heaven thinking. Eventually I’ll get to see her again, that’s all I really know. I’m sorry you lost your Mom. Mine had kidney cancer, but cancer of all types is pretty horrible.

[I still care]

She says she encouraged her mother to die. It took 13 days, despite the staff saying it would take 10. Terri Schiavo took 11.

I recently had to put my cat to sleep. She had advanced disease, and I fought to keep her alive. She seemed happy, but one day, it was time to take her in. The doctor said with a peritoneal shot it would take about 20 min. We didn't get through one minute. That was because it was time for her.

Dying is a process. If you artificially force the process, it becomes a violence.

Shame on this woman. My cat got better care than her mother.

[brytlea]

I think you misunderstood my post. I was NOT advocating what was done to this woman (and stated so). I was saying we wouldn’t even be allowed to do this to a pet. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear.

[Mrs. Don-o]

"Why [do] we approve this form of torture/death instead of allowing a drug to induce a painless death?

If the person is dying, why do you have to induce death at all?

A dying person needs comfort-care, hygiene, and effective pain management --- and more than anything, needs loving presence: an accompanying person who is alert to even their feeble reactions, and responsive to their needs, including the need for the sound of a familiar voice, and the need for touch.

Neither starvation/dehydration nor deliberate morphine overdosing (under the guise of "terminal sedation") can provide for a dying person's real needs. A loving person can. A terminally ill person will die soon enough. There's no "need" to grease the skids and give a hearty shove with an implacable "Adios."