The Sad Consequences of 'Shacking Up'

American Thinker ^ | May 29, 2011 | Trevor Thomas

[GonzoII]

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May 29, 2011

The Sad Consequences of 'Shacking Up'

Trevor Thomas

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Recently that Hollywood scholar Cameron Diaz gave us an illustration of the secular/godless worldview on marriage: "I do [think marriage is dead]. I think we have to make our own rules. I don't think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don't suit our world any longer."

The current generation in America is shunning marriage for cohabitation at an unprecedented rate. According to the 2010 edition of the State of Our Unions report by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, "The number of unmarried couples has increased dramatically over the past five decades. Most younger Americans now spend some time living together outside of marriage, and nonmarital cohabitation precedes most new marriages."

According to the report, between 1960 and 2009, cohabitating couples in the U.S. increased more than fifteen-fold. Also, "About a quarter of unmarried women age 25 to 39 are currently living with a partner, and an additional quarter have lived with a partner at some time in the past. More than 60 percent of first marriages are now preceded by living together, compared to virtually none 50 years ago."

Now, those of the worldview of Miss Diaz might ask, "so what? Why shouldn't we make our own rules?" As is often the case, when we go our own way, ignoring the wisdom of the One who made us, there are tragic consequences. According to a recent federal study, the Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, children living with their mother and her boyfriend are about 11 times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused than children living with their married biological parents.

Likewise, children living with their mother and her boyfriend are six times more likely to be physically, emotionally, or educationally neglected than children living with their married biological parents. In other words, according to W. Bradford Wilcox, "one of the most dangerous places for a child in America to find himself is in a home that includes an unrelated male boyfriend -- especially when that boyfriend is left to care for a child by himself."

According to the study, children who live with their cohabitating biological parents don't fare much better. In these circumstances, children are more than four times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused and they are three times more likely to be physically, emotionally, or educationally neglected than children living with their married biological parents. Again, according to Wilcox, "a child is not much safer when she is living in a home with her parents if her parents' relationship does not enjoy the legal, social and moral status and guidance that marriage confers on relationships."

Also according to the study, not only does cohabitation do little to prepare couples for marriage (which is often the excuse for cohabitating), but "a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage."

The solution to this travesty goes far beyond simply uttering "I do." However, the solution does begin with a simple step of recognizing that marriage is not a man-made institution that we are free to redefine using "our own rules"-at least not without devastating consequences.

At the Intersection of Politics, Science, Faith, and Reason. www.trevorgrantthomas.com

Page Printed from: http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2011/05/the_sad_consequences_of_shacki.html at May 29, 2011 - 05:18:28 AM CDT

[TxDas]

“I’ll never understand married couple celebrating the fact that they have no kids. Look at all these fancy vacations we get!! Too bad your parents didn’t feel the same way. Enjoy your next trip to Tahiti. I’ll be back here contributing to the human race teaching my sons to read, ride their bikes, baseball, swimming...and yes soothing a skinned knee or taking an occasional trip to the ER. At least I’ll have a legacy other than a fancy photo album filled with pictures of me dancing with the flavor of the month savages...”

I decided not to have kids because of the guys like the quarterback on my football team and my lab partner who were drafted, ripped from their homes and family, and killed during Tet. It seemed such a waste to spend so much love and energy to see your child ripped from your arms and destroyed.

I know my Grandmothers never got over knowing their sons were killed in awful conditions. One was cut in half by an MG 42 at age 18 in the battle of the Bulge, another in Normandy, another a POW in New Guinea who died at 33 from what ever happened to him - he never spoke about it, in fact he almost never spoke period, he just fell over dead one day. My father never, til the day he died, got over being shot down over the Himalayan mountains at age 18 - 3 times.

So I decided not to have kids for a variety of reasons. I did not want to invest in a kid who might grow up to be a dope smoking nymphomaniac, which seemed quite common in college in the 70’s and seems to have reach epidemic proportions today. Raised by strong, Christian families, but the dirty week and hormones just seem stronger than Christian will.

So good for you if you want to have kids. I’ll make a deal, I won’t asked you to pay for my life style if you don’t ask me to subsidize you kids education, health care, prison time, food stamps, etc., etc., Oh, wait! I already lost that bet. Damn, just tax me some more so more people can spawn all they want, no responsibility whatsoever.

[TxDas]

“You sound like the kind of man who made the right decision.”

Thank you, not every person should be a parent and if more people realize that we would have more beautiful families and less dysfunctional children.

You learn to be a parent from your own parents. I put this on my father’s grave:

“My father, who survived the war but not the peace”.

[redgolum]

At this time, it is more scandalous for a man and woman to be married and have a large family than it is for a single woman to have the same number of kids only with a group of men.

The latter is a “victim”, the former are “breeders” who are destroying the world.

Someday, if there is a civilization left to study us, school children will wonder on the madness that has infected our age.

[BobL]

“However, we agreed early on that either one of us would have “veto” power on any significant purchase. This tends to keep the both of us from wasting our money on something stupid or frivolous.”

Us too...basic stuff you have to do. As to pre-nups, in hindsight, clearly not needed in my case. But I have friends, and they had bad experiences that they related to me. The bottom-line is that I would have walked from her if she wouldn’t sign. To me it shows two things, just how bad things are now and it also showed me what the girl was thinking. It’s not a bad test in these days.

[MattinNJ]

You are brilliant and disciplined to live debt free. I am relatively successful but I am sure you have a lot more $ saved and obviously less debt than me. However, my son makes me the wealthiest person on Earth.

[TxDas]

“my son makes me the wealthiest person on Earth.”

My best buddy has 2 boys. One of them is an ENT surgeon and makes me second guess my decision not to have kids. His other son makes me feel like the smartest guy around.

Sometimes I think it is a crap shoot. It seems if you have 3 kids you will have at least one trauma producer. So I may have missed the highs but I avoided the lows.

[CIB-173RDABN]

Every society has rules (either written or just understood).

While we may not always understand the reason for a specific rule, we can acknowledge that it was put in place for one reason and one reason only, survival.

Members of a society ignore or break these rules at their own peril.

This is why multi-cultural societies can not survive for long.

In a multi-cultural environment each culture brings in their own rules for behavior which over time will lead to conflicts and chaos.

The sexual revolution of the 1960s did not “free” woman, it instead remove societies protection and put many of them on the road to single motherhood and a life of poverty.

In general I think we all can agree that a two (married) parents (of opposite gender) raising a family together, is better for all than single parenthood.

There are exceptions but societies do not survive when the exceptions outnumber the majority.

[zerosix]

"Reason a lot of marriages fail is because busy-body relatives insist upon interfering with and being overly involved in other people's marriages."

Sorry to disagree with you, it's not the "interfering, busy-body relatives" that is the "problem," it's either one or both newly weds who don't understand (or can't) that their marriage depends on them putting God first, each other second.

When that is the rule in their marriage, there is room for family even ones who may not respect the total commitment of the couple to one another (a woman usually needs the help with her female family when she bears children.)

Yes, it can present the situation you envision but if either the wife or the husband turns to others when the going gets tough, and it will get "tough," it matters not whether it's a close friend, sister, brother or parent (even magazine articles, Oprah or Dr. Phil) who is influencing one or both members of the couple.

Dragging your husband or wife half-way across the country to avoid family is usually a substitute for insecurity of one or both members of the couple. Not the recipe for a quality marriage.

[MattinNJ]

Ha! You are right again Sir. It is a crap shoot. I was truly blessed with a great kid that has nothing to do with me. One and done-I quit while I was ahead.

[little jeremiah]

Placemark.

[Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus]

Hey sorry I missed it! Have to admit, it’s kind of a touchy subject for me, having heard of and seen a number of grandparents who have tried to undermine/usurp authority of their kids over their grandkids. In one family, the grandkids kept coming back from the grandparents’ home and would just be super, extra-bad - disobedient, rebellious, talking back, etc. - and they finally found out why: the grandparents were actively TELLING the kids not to listen to mommie and daddie. And end was put to that right quick, as you can imagine...

[Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus]

Two of my grandchildren have grown up just across the street from us. They are great kids and have benefitted from 4 adults in their lives but I have always deferred to their parents in everything to do with their raising.

Sounds like you're doing it right!

Spoil them, and send them back for mommy and daddy to deal with, eh? LOL!

Can you imagine - our only son (so far, at least, more will be coming God willing) is 19 months old, and had ALL FOUR GRANDPARENTS here spoiling him just a couple of weeks ago!

[Shimmer1]

Wolfie!!!!!!

[Shimmer1]

My hopes are dashed. sigh. (LOL)

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Sometimes nothing improves family relations like an ocean between you. :)

Now my parents live across the city and it is fine but for the first few years while we were figuring this whole marriage business out they were on the other side of the globe. I think that was best.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Sometimes nothing improves family relations like an ocean between you. :)

Now my parents live across the city and it is fine but for the first few years while we were figuring this whole marriage business out they were on the other side of the globe. I think that was best.

[Shimmer1]

Not with me. My dils love me and are glad to have me. That’s because I offer love with no strings, no intrusions. My sons and dils love to have the kids with me too. :D

[tiki]

I only met my grandparents a few times and they had so many other grandchildren that they really didn’t care that much.

My husband grew up with his and my kids grew up with theirs and I think having them is so much better.

And yes, we do spoil them. They are teenagers now and they still like to come over.

[Darkwolf377]

You caught me on one of my rarer visits. Howdy!

[USARightSide]

I know a man who moved his wife and young family clear across the country, to avoid being near his mother-in-law, who couldn't stop subtley and overtly indicating her ways were better than what they were doing - after all, didn't she raise a fine daughter for this particular man??! Have to add, the mother-in-law came here as a young woman from eastern Europe. Who saw ugly WWII stuff . . .