Seeing as how the deceased were cremated, the families had likely already had a memorial service, so I don't think their not being there is any sort of slight.
Preparing the chart and the flag was my responsibility on the ships I was on. We also passed on a copy of the deck log page with the entry noting the time, lat and long of the burial. I have never heard about the shell casings, but that wasn’t my area. We gave all of our stuff to the chaplain and how it was handled after that, I don’t know.