Posted on 05/17/2011 5:54:37 AM PDT by IbJensen
Our previous enemies could have destroyed our country, but our current ones mean we have a longer wait to get to our terminals at the airport.
So they found a big stash of porn in Osama bin Laden’s compound. I thought the whole point of terrorism was supposed to be religious or something, but apparently the terrorists are like cafeteria Muslims — they don’t subscribe to the whole Islamic tenet of clean living and instead just adhere to the blowing-up-infidels part of the religion.
It seems one of the biggest goals of Islamic terrorists — besides pointless murder and mayhem — is to have absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. We have bleeding heart liberals who automatically side with America’s enemies, but the terrorists are dead set on giving even those people absolutely nothing to hold onto. You can search and search for the terrorists to have any redeeming qualities, and the best you’ll come up with is something like, “Well, one time they only kicked a puppy when they easily could have stomped it to death.”
They’re just pointless, useless enemies — far more one-dimensionally vile than anything you’d find in the most hackneyed fiction. And that’s a big problem for us.
America has been in a slump for a long time. We just can’t get our act together and be the shining city on the hill we used to be, and I think a big part of that is terrorists. Not terrorism; terrorists — in that they are our big enemy right now. The fact is, to achieve great heights, America needs a great villain to overcome, and as long as our big enemy is a bunch of primitive thugs servicing themselves in barren compounds, we’re going to be stuck in a rut.
Look at the villains from America’s past. We started out against the British — sophisticated enemies and one of the largest empires the world had ever known. Later we took on Nazis, who had a plan for dominating the world and making a super race. Then there were the Soviets with their misshapen ideas of social justice backed nuclear by weapons.
Our outcome against all these enemies was uncertain, and we had to be our best — better than our best — to overcome them. The British made us give birth to the greatest nation ever. The Nazis bid us to become a world superpower. The challenge of the Soviets forced us to achieve numerous technological advances and even land on the moon. But now we’ve been focused on terrorists for about a decade, and that threat has led us to create … the full-body scanner.
I don’t want to belittle the terrorist threat too much — I mean, they can hurt us. But then again, so can syphilis. But it’s not exactly something all of America has to work together to overcome while being better than we’ve ever been. Our previous enemies could have destroyed our country, but our current ones mean we have a longer wait to get to our terminals at the airport.
Yes, they have a plan of world domination, but does anyone really take it seriously? Do they even take it seriously? I mean, if they did somehow conquer the West — and it’s hard to even come up with a science fiction scenario in which that would be possible — where exactly would they get their porn from? The Taliban? They might eventually make some of their own porn, but then they’d stone to death all the women involved, which would make it a hard industry to keep going.
And after ten years, what was the new plan of Osama bin Laden, the great terrorist mastermind? Orchestrate another attack on U.S. soil to get America to leave the Middle East. Yeah, because 9/11 totally made America say to itself, “Let’s leave the Middle East alone.” Didn’t Osama pay even the slightest attention to the outcomes of his previous schemes, or was he just non-stop preening himself for new videos and watching pornos? He had all this time, and the plan never evolved past:
PHASE 1: Randomly blow stuff up.
PHASE 2: ???
PHASE 3: Islamic domination of the world.
And I think that’s because they don’t even really care about their stated end goals. I think all they really care about in life is porn. Look at how the 9/11 terrorists went drinking at strip clubs the night before the attacks. And their idea of heaven? Seventy-two virgins. They’re not really trying to take over the world — they’re just horny idiots who have no greater goal than wallowing in their base desires. And you just want to slap them and say, “Hey, dummies, you can do that in Vegas — no blowing yourself up required.”
Also, they’re schizophrenic horny idiots in that they’re willing to kill themselves to achieve their debauchery while at the same time they throw burkas on their own women and watch Western porn. They don’t even begin to make coherent sense. Even the Soviets, as horrible as they were, had some sort of philosophical message about social justice so they could attract dim-witted college kids to their cause. The best Islamic terrorists can get from the faux-intellectual class today is to be treated like violent little animals who don’t know any better — like how they blame the guy burning a Koran instead of the people who murder and riot over the Koran burning. So Islamic terrorists are horny idiots with no real plan who can occasionally get sympathy from gullible people in the same way one might pity a rabid squirrel. And that is America’s big external threat right now.
If Superman never had any threat to deal with other than muggers, wouldn’t he eventually just get bored and depressed? That’s where America is right now. For the longest time terrorism has been treated as our main enemy when it takes all of the terrorists’ effort to be more newsworthy than the latest celebrity gossip. They’re just so beneath us, and we’re never going to get out of the doldrums until we take on a real enemy. I don’t know who, though; maybe China and Russia could team together and form Chussia (Rina?) and try to take over the world. That would be scary; we’d stop worrying about high gas prices and rise to the occasion to end this real threat to the world. We’d be back to our best, because we’d have to be.
As for Islamic terrorists, they’d be back to their normal position as a persistent, annoying side threat that we’re already well familiar with how to handle: shoot ‘em in the head, chuck ‘em in the sea, confiscate their porn.
Not for anything, but even on a natural level, if I had three wives locked up with me with at least one under 30, and they all pretty much have to what I say (I wouldn’t rule some passive-aggressive behaviour on their part), I think I would prefer their company to an old porn mag.
chuck ‘em in the sea,
con-fis-cate their porn
con-fis-cate their porn
That has a nice disco beat to it.
it’s not very P.C. to refer to the real villains as anything other than “Mr President, Congressman, or Senator”.
I think part of this guy’s thesis is that much of our jihadi problem could be solved by stepping up exports of goats to the Middle East (just don’t let the ASPCA know).
We’ve got some... and they are in Washington from The White House on down...
Great article!
It sums up the terrorists to show exactly who they are.
Asshat, congressrat or Obozo works.
News reports now say that in addition to sending over $500 million in United States tax dollars to the new terrorist-run “Unity Government” of Palestine, our American military - the best trained military force the world has ever known - will provide training to the army that the terrorist group, Hamas, will now control.
What will Hamas do with these valuable U.S. resources? The terrorist group’s Foreign Minister announced, “We believe in armed struggle, in addition to responsible governing, as well as making the government’s resources available to the resistance.” In other words, Hamas admits they will use our military training and our tax dollars for terrorism against Israel.
No, the problem is us. We are not willing to wage war like it's 1945, and boy, we need to.
Several years ago it was reported that jihadis were sending messages to each other with porn, then it was found that in the porn were embedded messages deep in the pixels.
Maybe our intelligence service will look real close at this porn, again and again and again.
Yeah, man, like, it has a good beat and you can dance to it ...
Deep Goat?
From a good source in middle east: the scumbags we are killing almost always have pictures of nude western blonds in their wallets. This is well known and makes sending that blond reporterette into the streets of Eygpt all the more stupid. The rape she suffered was all too predictable.
“This town needs a better class of criminal.”
No argument there. And we have them. We’d have wiped out the jihadists long ago, but for the actions of that better class of criminal.
The ones able to stop America, grind down her military, weaken the economy, strangle businesses with regulation, foster class warfare and racial tensions, discourage our allies and embolden our enemies.
Don’t worry about America not having better villains than porn-addicted jihadists. We have them right now.
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