Posted on 05/07/2011 5:10:59 PM PDT by Brad’s Gramma
Breaking news Say bye bye to Phil Jackson HEY he got 11 rings so what
Defending NBA champs LA Lakers swept in playoffs by Dallas Mavericks; lose final game,122-86 - espn http://es.pn/m4ZiWn
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Pookie’s brother the spy.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
‘You talk?’ he asks.
‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired
me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’ ‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.
‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’
‘Because he’s an unrepentant liar. He never did any of that Stuff.
Grandma’s boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playingon with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, ‘Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?’
Grandma replied, ‘Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I’m happy with my TV as my boyfriend.’
Grandma turned on the TV, and the recepti was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma’s minister. The minister said, ‘Hello son, is your Grandma home?’
The little boy replied, ‘Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.’
The minister fainted.
FAMOUS PEOPLES ANSWERS TO ONE OF LIFES MOST PUZZLING QUESTIONS.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my shotgun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t reahilize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the ccken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: What?, Did I miss one?
SAM AND IZZY
Two 90-year old Jewish men, Sam and Izzy, have been friends all of their
lives. When it’s clear that Sam is dying, Izzy visits him every day.
One day Izzy says, ‘Sam, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we
played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one
favor, when you get to Heaven, please, you’ll let me know if there’s
baseball there.’
Sam looks up at Izzy from his death bed and lovingly says,’ Izzy, you’ve
been my best friend for many years. If it’s possible, for you I’ll do this
favor.’
Shortly after, Sam passes on. At midnight a few nights later, Izzy is
awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice
calling out to him, ‘Izzy—Izzy.’
‘Who is it?, asks Izzy sitting up suddenly. ‘Who is it?’
The voice responds, ‘Izzy — it’s me, Sam.’
‘You’re not Sam.
Sam just died.’
‘Izzy, I’m telling you it’s me, Sam,’ insists the voice.
‘So, Sam! Where are you?’ asks Izzy.
‘In heaven,’ replies Sam. ‘I have some good news and a little bad news.’
‘Tell me the good news first,’ says Izzy.
‘The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our
friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young
again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And listen, best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get
tired.’
That’s fantastic,’ says Izzy. ‘It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the
bad news?’
‘You’re pitching
Tuesday!’
Happy Mother’s Day Everyone:)
It’s probably a good things that dogs can’t talk.
They would be terrible gossips.
Good evening, E...((HUGS))...hope you and Bo have had a good weekend. Any teams playing?
Yup. They’d spill it all for a sausage.
And a Blessed Lord's Day to you and yours.
Beautiful flowers Kathy and a blessed Mother’s Day to you.
(((HUGS)))
Thank you..I have had a wonderful Mother’s Day.
Thank you..I’ve had a great Mother’s Day!
Watched the end of the game..when we got home from a movie..I could not believe the score!! Yea Mavs.
(((HUGS)))
And a Blessed Lord's Day to you and yours as well, Arrowhead. Thank you.
Deo.....#50!!
Luv.....#100!!
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