FedGuv Response to Letter from Col. Travis at the Alamo [Vanity]

3/27/2011 | Lazamataz

[Lazamataz]

Bejar Fby. 24th 1836

To the People of Texas & all Americans in the world------

Fellow citizens & compatriots------

I am besieged, by a thousand or more of the Mexicans under Santa Anna ----- I have sustained a continual Bombardment & cannonade for 24 hours & have not lost a man ----- The enemy has demanded a Surrender at discretion, otherwise, the garrison are to be put to the sword, if the fort is taken ----- I have answered the demand with a cannon shot, & our flag still waves proudly from the wall ----- I shall never Surrender or retreat

Then, I can on you in the name of Liberty, of patriotism & every thing dear to the American character, to come to our aid, with an dispatch ----- The enemy is receiving reinforcements daily & will no doubt increase to three or four thousand in four or five days. If this can is neglected, I am determined to sustain myself as long as possible & die like a soldier who never forgets what is due to his own honor & that of his country -----
Victory or Death

William Barret Travis
Lt. Col. Comdt

P. S. The lord is on our side- When the enemy appeared in sight we had not three bushels of corn--- We have since found in deserted houses 80 or 90 bushels & got into the walls 20 or 30 head of Beeves---

Travis

The Federal Government
Washington, DC

Dear Mr. Travis,

We have recieved your letter of February 24th, 1836, and have distributed it to the correct Federal Agencies. We have collected their responses, and have your answer ready:

Immigration and Customs enforcement notes that you are likely in violation of usurpation of their enforcement powers and are chargeable with impersonation of an ICE Officer. ICE demands an immediate cessation of all enforcement actions, and calls on you to surrender yourself for arrest at the nearest office. Further, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms has instructed us to inform you that possession of an unregistered cannon without a Tax Stamp violates the 1934 National Firearms Act, and makes you a Federal felon. You are instructed to demilitarize the cannon by cutting the reciever in two, and immediately making yourself available for arrest at the nearest BATF Office. The Food And Drug Administration would like to investigate from where you have gotten the reported stores of grain, to ensure that all Farming regulations have been followed per S.510, the Food Safety Act of 2010. The Environmental Protection Agency has instructed us to inform you that disturbing the hives of "beeves", or honeybees, is a also Federal felony, since these bees have been identified as a protected species. Finally, the Justice Department has indicated that profiling latinos as Mexicans, and subsequent aggression agains them, makes your actions clear violations of the Civil Rights Act, and several Hate Crimes Statutes at a Federal and State level.

You are instructed to immediately surrender yourself to the Federal authorities so that your crimes can be prosecuted.

Have a nice day,

The Federal Government

[Lazamataz]

This is a rewrite of an oldy but goody that I authored more than a decade ago. I could not find the original.

[Lazamataz]

I’d love it if it got in front of Glen Beck somehow. :) He read the Travis letter this morning, and it reminded me of this piece I had done once.

[humblegunner]

Beeves are cattle.

[Lazamataz]

The federal government screwed that one up. I’m just relaying the response.

[SouthTexas]

[MHGinTN]

Brilliant! ... as usual.

[MHGinTN]

I’ll send it to him.

[Lazamataz]

Thanks!

[MHGinTN]

Just sent it. It takes a couple of days for he and staff to get to all the e-mails, so it may be toward the end of the week when he mentions it, if he mentions it ... it took him a year to get around to the G Edward Griffin stuff I sent him.

[randog]

“Press ‘1’ for english....thank you! All lines are currently busy; please stay on the line for the next available operator...”

[Lazamataz]

Thanks bro. I expect no mention, but what the heck. :)

[Sarajevo]

Further, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms has instructed us to inform you that possession of an unregistered cannon without a Tax Stamp violates the 1934 National Firearms Act, and makes you a Federal felon.

1934? I see the BATF grandfathered that rule to 1836 make it effective.

[Lazamataz]

We must always be effective.

Doesn't matter how legal, just effective.

[Deaf Smith]

President Hussein would establish No Fly Zone to protect the Mexican Army from us rebel Texans.

[central_va]

What did Davy Crockett ask Jim Bowie the day the Mexicans stormed the Alamo?

"Jim, we pouring concrete today?"

[ThirdMate]

Michael Berry on AM 740 Houston read this letter on the air recently, and noted that:

In 1836 Col. Travis was 26 years old and the commandant of the defenders of the Alamo

In 2011, in Obama’s America, Col. Travis would still be on his parents medical insurance.

[Texas Fossil]

Your point and that of Laz are well taken and humorous.

But I would remind you of a statement from a most famous Texan:

“Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may.” ~Sam Houston

—

That goes for the Fed Government too. FUFED!

[humblegunner]

I thought that might be the case.

[Lazamataz]

I’m thinking of putting this on a blog. Would you help me pimp it?

[humblegunner]

Absolutely.
I can recommend some good adware packages too.

You’ll be rolling in bucks before you know it.

Free Republic makes an excellent free advertising platform.