Posted on 02/23/2011 9:34:40 AM PST by FreeManDC
I read Kay Hymowitz’s new book, Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys, recently. First, the good points:
Hymowitz does acknowledge that women have made great strides in our society mainly due to advances in technology and the knowledge economy that gives better jobs to those with degrees, degrees that “take years.” Hymowitz has a good chapter titled “The New Girl Order” in which she admits that Americans now like girls better than boys. She does a fair job of describing some of the biases against boys, though she does little to rectify them.
Now a couple of bad points:
Hymowitz talks to very few actual men for this book. If males are included, it is through a book or blog written by a woman or a chivalrous man. Or Hymowitz invokes a blog written by a male blogger such as “Roissy” to prove how “misogynist” these male bloggers are. However, her definition of “misogynist” seems to be any male who dares complain about a female. The book would have been better if Hymowitz had included more actual male voices, and if she had demonstrated a bit more psychological understanding of the male perspective. (But then, maybe that is a book I should write).
I do believe Hymowitz tried to be sensitive to the plight of today’s men, but the book presents as being more concerned about how men fit into the world of women rather than how men actually feel themselves.
Hymowitz makes little or no mention of the discrimination going on in today’s college culture against men. She sees men as a bunch of goofballs who just can’t cut it in comparison to women. Hymowitz gives an example of how women work harder than men in college. Women, according to studies:
… contribute more to class discussion and have more frequent communication with faculty including discussions about career plans. … Overall, men are less engaged in college life.
She mentions the work of Richard Whitmire, author of Why Boys Fail, who reports that “men tend to be loners.” One professor Hymowitz mentions says:
The men come into class with their backward baseball caps and the “word processor ate my homework” excuses. Meanwhile the women are checking their day planners and asking for recommendations to law school.
If women were showing disinterest or not engaging in conversation at college, the big question would be: “what are we doing wrong, and how can we get them engaged?” When men tune out, they are good-for-nothing slackers. Perhaps if men were welcomed into this conversation, they wouldn’t need to sit back in stony silence.
What would happen if a regular Joe, not an alpha male, came into class and gave his true opinion about the topics at hand, say in a psychology or sociology class? What if that opinion was non-PC, such as: “I think that men should not have to pay child support if women can have abortions,” etc.? How far would that man get in school? Would he graduate? Would he even pass the class? Even if men won’t admit it to themselves and women like Hymowitz overlook the problem, it exists.
After 45 years of being told they are pigs, sexist, and good for nothing, men have quit trying to please others, so they slap on a baseball cap and don’t talk much. And with good reason.
According to Hymowitz, these child-men are all used to a freewheeling life of going from girl to girl and video game to video game. Hymowitz mistakenly believes that men are suffering from the limits of American individualism.
Though she reluctantly admits that the “materials available to young men are meager, and what is available contradicts itself,” she comes up with this ridiculous conclusion: “At bottom, they are too free, a fact epitomized by their undefined, open-ended, and profoundly autonomous pre-adulthood.” She ends the book suggesting that young women will have to get a better understanding of the limitations imposed by their bodies (Huh?) and young men need to man up.
My question to her: Why should they?
What do you have to offer these men you call child-men if they do man up? Are you going to ensure that they have fair access to their children should they divorce? Will you make sure that they aren’t hauled off to jail if the wife makes false accusations of domestic violence? Will you let them keep the earnings and property that they worked for over years rather than have them turned over to their wife, even if she cheated and was abusive? Will you shield the millions of men who live in fear of their significant other but have nowhere to turn for help? Will you make marriage, in other words, as valuable to men as you think it is for women?
I doubt it. What Hymowitz and other authors in this area — see Kathleen Parker’s Save the Males: Why Men Matter, Why Women Should Care for another example — seem to want is for these men to marry women and make them happy. Rather than recognize that they are autonomous beings who are living for themselves and fulfilling their own needs and not a woman’s obligations, these analyses of the “man problem” seem to be all about what women want.
Well, such are the fruits of half a century of organizing gender relations along the lines of women’s immediate desires. Long term, it has resulted in men bailing out, going “John Galt” in the gender economy. And I can understand the disappointment. But I don’t share it. As you sow, so shall you reap.
You are frustrated that some men have turned their backs on women and have decided to live for themselves and not for you. Perhaps you should have thought of that possibility earlier. And as for that American individualism that you seem to hold in disregard?
May it live long and prosper.
This has to be nominated for one of the all-time best FR posts.
Nice work.
I'd dare her to hit me so she can find out how fast I can turn her over my knee and give her a solid arse warming.
You’ve been hanging out with Laz, haven’t you?
I used to care. Dropped out and left.
Then I found a nice gal and stopped caring. I went back. Raised cain when I learned that they would rather give me a minimum pass than engage in confrontation.
I am so glad to be out of school. Every day I count my blessings.
So weird, because, on the other hand, young women are encouraged to put out and give Lewinskys in order to secure a boyfriend and be “cool”.
You pretty much nailed it. I like to say (especially to liberals) that if I want to get in touch with my feminine side I reach for my wife.
>>...if the husband “manned up” into a traditional male leadership role he’d be slapped with divorce papers by the end of the week...<<
That is what happened to me with a 20 year marriage, though it took her more than a week. I decided to honor my role as husband as outlined in the bible, as opposed to being a whupped lap dog. And the result, 14 years later, is that in a few months I will be celebrating the 13th anniversary of marriage to the woman of my dreams.
I expressed said opinion and I have a degree. With a decent GPA to boot.
The prof in that class chose to give me a minimum pass.
Actually, the one I expressed is a clipping from a welfare reformer who argued that giving stay at home moms an income made their family better off. ;)
I commend you. But I know from personal experince that such a decision invites a world of pain. Congratulations on finding a woman who would honor herself and you as well by keeping the Lord's commandments for marriage. Such women are thin on the ground, even in churches.
i thought you’d want to know.... ; )
“What if she’s a dominatrix? “
And what if men LIKE it?!
I’m a proud post-feminist, rooting for my husband, son, and any boy or man who works hard, has integrity, and defends the innocent. For me, the nail in the coffin of my feminist bitterness was flight 93 on 9/11, where there were a random assortment of American men rising to the occasion and doing the right thing. I realized we must have a deep bench of real men in this country, and we should be very proud of that. My son was born a week later, and I’m determined to raise him to be the kind of man that could be an American hero when the situation requires it.
If my son has to put up with some snitty, bitter women along the way, I trust he’ll be able to deal with it. I think the real danger is from the ones who will throw themselves at him. If men are becoming slackers and going through extended adolescence in their 20s, it is not helped by women who hook up with them and play along.
I think the washing machine may well be the most liberating advance for women, but plumbing and disposable diapers would also be contenders.
Dryers and non-iron clothing are my leading candidates.
>>Such women are thin on the ground, even in churches.<<
Truer words are seldom spoken. One of my ex’s friends (a member of the “adult singles” class) was telling me how I deserved everything I got, and yet was flirting with me after it was final! ;)
Oh, and I went to that class once and felt like fresh meat in a room full of hungry dogs. Who knows how many free casseroles I could have milked out of that group.
Most men just aren’t interested in participating in a feminized culture. It’s no more complicated than that. Men are hardwired to dominate and lead, and when you try to make them culturally subservient or turn them into females with penises they check out. They know the table is being rigged and they won’t play.
People say, “so what?” Is the America of feminism and the institutionalized beta male stronger than the “knuckledragging” America of the past? Of course not. We’re in civilizational free fall, and the loss of a vital male culture is a big part of it. My God, you can’t even watch mens professional sports anymore without having to listen to chattering females. I’m not saying drag them out of the workforce and put them back in the kitchen, but enough is enough with the feminist agenda. Devaluing maleness as such is profoundly stupid and it’s having disastrous consequences.
In my experience, a classic example of this is the common female request that the man share with her how he "really feels" about some issue in their relationship.
If he is stupid enough to fall for this and be honest with her, she is invariably offended, sometimes permanently.
What she really means is that she wants him to tell her he feels the emotions she wants him to feel. She has little or no interest in his actual feelings.
We should not overlook that the female flight attendants and probably other women on this flight were also heroes. But I suspect even they would be glad to agree that men took the lead.
She's probably right. Back in the thirties my grandmother's army nurse sister was absolutely appalled that my grandmother was still using a washboard. She bought her a hand-crank agitator tub and told my grandfather what an inconsiderate careless husband he was.
Hoho, is that ever the truth. Honesty is an invitation to disaster.
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