>>...if the husband “manned up” into a traditional male leadership role he’d be slapped with divorce papers by the end of the week...<<
That is what happened to me with a 20 year marriage, though it took her more than a week. I decided to honor my role as husband as outlined in the bible, as opposed to being a whupped lap dog. And the result, 14 years later, is that in a few months I will be celebrating the 13th anniversary of marriage to the woman of my dreams.
I commend you. But I know from personal experince that such a decision invites a world of pain. Congratulations on finding a woman who would honor herself and you as well by keeping the Lord's commandments for marriage. Such women are thin on the ground, even in churches.