In a situation like this, I wouldn’t start by bothering the police, or anyone else for that matter, unless they are in close proximity to the package, like the next door neighbor, and could be harmed if it is a bomb.
The reason for this is simple: the police are not EOD. And, you really have no idea what they will do. They may (foolishly) pick up the package and shake it; or they may call real EOD who will just blow it up in place—which does wonders for Hummel figurines, btw. Or they might evacuate the entire block, inconveniencing all of your neighbors, and leading many of them to suspect that *you* are a terrorist. Or at least a pain in the rear end.
However, as long as you are a safe distance from the package, time is on your side. As long as those you care about are also at a safe distance.
So the very first thing you should do is to look to see if anyone is loitering in the area, and watching you. If they are, *then*, most definitely, call the police. This is a good indicator that the package may very well have a radio or cell phone detonator, which were all the rage in Iraq, so it is likely a lot of villains know how to make them.
But if all is otherwise quiet, then get a pair of binoculars, which while still at a safe distance, can be used to read any labels or other information on the outside of the package. A good idea in any event, as you can look for any oily or greasy stains on the package, which is a bad sign that something is amiss.
Finally, make yourself a string lasso. Just a tied loop of string, with a long extension. Long enough to go around a block or brick corner. And you can even put masking tape loops around the string loop, to help it grab on to the package when pulled.
Be sure to wear safety glasses. Then, with the loop deployed around the package, and you around the corner, pull slowly on the string until the lasso catches the package, and slowly tugs it away from your door. If it survives, then give the lasso a jerk, which should set off most unstable bombs.
If that doesn’t do anything, you can drag it down a flight of stairs, or just drag it along a bumpy sidewalk for a while. This kind of abuse would set off all but the most sophisticated amateur bombs.
At that point, you can probably yell out: “Honey, your Hummel figurines have arrived!”
What makes this all the funnier, is that in the vast majority of cases, such unmarked packages with ill intent only have feces or roadkill in them.
One time someone put a box on our front porch with a dead cat in it. It was a cat that belonged to an older woman across the street. We figured someone killed it (e.g., hit with car) and thought it belonged to us. I am glad hubby saw the box and not me.
http://kokomotribune.com/local/x1907082906/Bomb-scare-disrupts-peace-in-Rossville
Hearing aids mistaken for explosives
By SCOTT SMITH
Tribune staff writer
ROSSVILLE — Wearing a suit reminiscent of the Oscar-winning movie “The Hurt Locker,” a member of the Indiana State Police bomb squad detonated a box full of hearing aids in Rossville Thursday.
The bomb tech didn’t know he was blowing up auditory aids until shortly after the blast, when a local woman came forward, Rossville Town Marshal Travis Harris said.
“It was just a person trying to do a good deed and donate something,” Harris said. “She was very apologetic about it.”
Harris said the woman left two “small boxes” filled with used hearing aids and chargers inside an entryway of the Regions Bank location in Rossville around 9 p.m. Wednesday.
The local Lions Club uses the bank branch as a dropoff point for used hearing aids and eyeglasses.
Harris said the woman thought it would be OK if she left the boxes in the entryway, since the bank was closed for the evening.
But when the bank branch manager arrived for work around 7:30 a.m., wires for the chargers could be seen sticking out of the boxes. Harris said the manager became suspicious and called police.
Bystanders were kept back at a safe distance while bomb techs dragged the boxes into the bank parking lot. The bomb squad covered the boxes and a small charge with a sandbag and blew up the contents.
Harris said the woman, who came forward a short time later, saved police a “huge amount of time” by explaining what she’d done. After the contents of the packages had been detonated, police had no idea what those boxes might have contained, he said.
No charges will be filed in the case, he added.
“There was no intent of any kind,” he said. “It was just unfortunate.”
Wouldn’t it be easier to just go take the training that the bomb squad gets then purchase the armor that they wear and diffuse it yourself?
The first thing that you do is to take a picture of the box. Move the camera out of the way. If you go, at least there is more evidence.
Yes, you do want to jerk the box with a string. Consider dragging the package at some distance behind your pickup for a mile or two.
Anyway, dunk the package via the string into a swimming pool. Completely submerge the box and wait for the cardboard to dissolve over several days.
You can speed up the process at some additional risk by poking the submerged box with a long stick to prod it open. Not recommended, but better than touching it with your hands.
Once the container/cardboard package has sufficiently dissolved (you can use brake fluid in a bucket instead of water but that makes quite a mess if the contents turn out to be innocent) to see inside, then you can decide if the package is hostile or benign.
I recommend getting a nice cute animal to put nearby when you open it, so if it explodes, you can get the animal-rights folks at the throats of the envirowackos.
You can tell curious neighbors that you're just out walking your bomb.