Posted on 06/16/2010 12:03:50 PM PDT by Kartographer
If one of your pilots gets ill, you never know who else on the plane might be able to help land the aircraft safely.
On Monday, it was a flight attendant with an an inactive pilot's license who helped land an American Airlines jumbo jet after the co-pilot became incapacitated because of stomach flu.
Patti DeLuna, a 61-year-old flight attendant with American Airlines, helped the captain safely land the Boeing 767 with 225 passengers on board.
(Excerpt) Read more at abcnews.go.com ...
George Zip died this morning. But before he did he said something that I would remember forever.
“Doc,” he said, “Some time, when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell ‘em to get out there and give it all they’ve got. And win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then Doc, he said. But I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.”
You need to find a local simulator training facility and treat yourself to answering your ‘what if’ question. Some simulator training places sell ‘fantasy flights’ for folks just like you.
I’ll never be over macho grande
If she was landing the plane, then who in the heck was manning the drink cart?
“Joey, do you like gladiator movies?”
Didn’t mater they had runout of change and all anyone had was twenties, so no one could buy a drink any way.
“Every airplane lands....sooner or later..............”
Yeah, but not necessarily in one piece at the exact same time or place. ;-)
Ahhh what the heck. I’m gonna go nuclear.
Memorable quotes for
Airplane! (1980) More at IMDbPro »
ad feedbackFirst Jive Dude: Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf’ be messin’ mah old lady... got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head, you know?
Second Jive Dude: Hey home’, I can dig it. Know ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you, man!
First Jive Dude: I say hey, sky... subba say I wan’ see...
Second Jive Dude: Uh-huh.
First Jive Dude: ...pray to J I did the same ol’ same ol’!
Second Jive Dude: Hey... knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in’, man!
First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say: see a broad to get dat booty yak ‘em...
First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: ...leg ‘er down a smack ‘em yak ‘em!
First Jive Dude: COL’ got to be! Y’know? Shiiiiit.
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Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We’re bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We’re coming in from the north, below their radar.
Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?
Ted Striker: I can’t tell you that. It’s classified.
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Striped controller: Bad news. The fog’s getting thicker.
Johnny: [jumps to an overweight controller] And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger.
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Rumack: You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.
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Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
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Ted Striker: Because of my mistake, six men didn’t return from that raid.
Elaine Dickinson: Seven. Lieutenant Zip died this morning.
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Ted Striker: It’s Lieutenant Hurwitz. Severe shell-shock. Thinks he’s Ethel Merman.
Lieutenant Hurwitz: [singing] You’ll be swell, you’ll be great. Gonna have the whole world on a plate. Startin’ here, startin’ now. Honey, everything’s comin’ up roses...
Ted Striker: War is hell.
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Rumack: Elaine, you’re a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?
Elaine Dickinson: No.
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[Thinking to himself]
Ted Striker: I’ve got to concentrate...
[his thoughts echo]
Ted Striker: concentrate... concentrate... I’ve got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota...
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Reporter: What kind of plane is it?
Johnny: Oh, it’s a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.
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Rex Kramer: Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
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Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines
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[as the plane prepares to take off]
Hanging Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Hanging Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.
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Roger Murdock: Flight 2-0-9’er, you are cleared for take-off.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency, 123 point 9’er.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Captain Oveur: What?
Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9’er cleared for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?
Tower voice: Tower’s radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That’s Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Over.
Captain Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over!
Roger Murdock: What?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?
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Elaine Dickinson: There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
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Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious... and don’t call me Shirley.
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Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It’s a big building where generals meet, but that’s not important.
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Steve McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make out of this?
[Hands him the weather briefing]
Johnny: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl...
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Rumack: Well, I don’t have anything to say, you’ve done the best you could. You really have, the best you could. You can’t expect to win em all. But, I want to tell you something I’ve kept to myself through these years. I was in the war myself, medical corps. I was on late duty one night when they brought in a badly wounded pilot from one of the raids. He could barely talk. He looked at me and said, “The odds were against us up there, but we went in anyway, I’m glad the Captain made the right decision.” The pilot’s name was George Zip.
Ted Striker: George Zip said that?
Rumack: The last thing he said to me, “Doc,” he said, “some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Doc,” he said, “but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.”
Ted Striker: Excuse me doc, I got a plane to land.
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Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can’t tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I’m a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I’m just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can’t you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can’t take a guess for another two hours?
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Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I’ve never been up in a plane before.
Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?
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Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?
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Joey: Wait a minute. I know you. You’re Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. You play basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Roger Murdock: I’m sorry son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock. I’m the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem. I’ve seen you play. My dad’s got season tickets.
Roger Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Captain Oveur: Nahhhhhh, he’s not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Roger Murdock: But just remember, my name is
[showing his nametag]
Roger Murdock: ROGER MURDOCK. I’m an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you’re the greatest, but my dad says you don’t work hard enough on defense.
[Kareem’s getting mad]
Joey: And he says that lots of times, you don’t even run down court. And that you don’t really try... except during the playoffs.
Roger Murdock: The hell I don’t. LISTEN KID. I’ve been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I’m out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.
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Ted Striker: I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It’s an entirely different kind of flying altogether.
Rumack, Randy: [together] It’s an entirely different kind of flying.
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Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.
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Elaine Dickinson: Would you like something to read?
Hanging Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson: How about this leaflet, “Famous Jewish Sports Legends?”
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[an epidemic of food poisoning is sweeping the plane]
Captain Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What’s going on?
Rumack: I’m not sure. I haven’t seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.
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Hanging Lady: No wonder you’re upset. She’s lovely. And a darling figure... supple, pouting breasts... firm thighs. It’s a shame you two don’t get along.
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Rex Kramer: [talking to Steve McCroskey] Our only hope is to build this man up. We gotta give him all the confidence we can.
[to Striker]
Rex Kramer: Striker, have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?
Ted Striker: No, never.
Rex Kramer: [to McCroskey, with the microphone still on] Shit. This is a God damn waste of time. There’s no way he can land this plane.
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Operator: [Captain Oveur is on the phone with the Mayo Clinic] Excuse me, Captain Oveur, but I have an emergency call on line 5 from a Mr. Hamm.
Captain Oveur: Alright, give me a Hamm on 5, hold the Mayo.
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Young Boy with Coffee: Excuse me, I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some coffee.
Little Girl: Oh, that’s very nice of you, thank you.
[takes coffee]
Little Girl: Oh, won’t you sit down?
Young Boy with Coffee: Cream?
Little Girl: No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.
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Steve McCroskey: I need the best man on this. Someone who knows that plane inside and out and won’t crack under pressure.
Johnny: How about Mister Rogers?
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[repeated line, to Ted and Elaine]
Rumack: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
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Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Male announcer: [later] The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone.
Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading of passengers and there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There’s never stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Don’t you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!
Male announcer: Listen Betty, don’t start up with your white zone shit again.
[Later]
Male announcer: There’s just no stopping in a white zone.
Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male announcer: It’s really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there’s no danger involved.
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[first lines]
Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
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Ted Striker: Mayday! Mayday!
Steve McCroskey: What the heck is that?
Johnny: Why, that’s the Russian New Year. We can have a parade and serve hot hors d’oeuvres...
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Rex Kramer: Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don’t, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Ted, that’s a dumb question... skip that.
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Johnny: [plugging back in the runway lights] Just kidding.
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Rumack: The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.
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Jack Kirkpatrick: Shanna, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let ‘em crash.
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Johnny: The tower, the tower! Rapunzel, Rapunzel!
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Rex Kramer: [points out the window] There he is. Striker, you’re coming in too fast!
Ted Striker: I know, I know!
Elaine Dickinson: [relaying] He knows, he knows.
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Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Dude: ‘S’mofo butter layin’ me to da’ BONE! Jackin’ me up... tight me!
Randy: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
First Jive Dude: Cutty say ‘e can’t HANG!
Jive Lady: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady: He said that he’s in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I’ll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady: Jus’ hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da’ rebound on da’ med side.
Second Jive Dude: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da’ help!
First Jive Dude: Say ‘e can’t hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady: Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!
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[Elaine is relaying what Ted is saying to Kramer]
Ted Striker: It’s a damn good thing he doesn’t know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine Dickinson: It’s a damn good thing you don’t know how much he hates your guts.
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[Flashback, about a bar he frequented during the war]
Ted Striker: It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It’s worse than Detroit.
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Rumack: I won’t deceive you, Mr. Striker. We’re running out of time.
Ted Striker: Surely there must be something you can do.
Rumack: I’m doing everything I can... and stop calling me Shirley.
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Steve McCroskey: [to Mrs. Oveur] Now your husband and the others are alive, but unconscious.
Johnny: Just like Gerald Ford.
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Elaine: It takes so many things to make love last. But most of all, it takes respect, and I can’t live with a man I don’t respect.
Ted Striker: [turns towards the camera] What a pisser!
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[Randy is crying]
Rumack: Randy, are you all right?
Randy: Oh, Dr. Rumack, I’m scared. I’ve never been so scared. And besides, I’m 26 and I’m not married.
Rumack: We’re going to make it, you’ve got to believe that.
[a woman passenger comes in]
Mrs. Hammen: Dr. Rumack, do you have any idea when we’ll be landing?
Rumack: Pretty soon, how are you bearing up?
Mrs. Hammen: Well, to be honest, I’ve never been so scared. But at least I have a husband.
[Randy cries harder]
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Controller: I know but this guy has no flying experience at all. He’s a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too.
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Elaine: Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
First Jive Dude: Bet, babe. Slide a piece o’ da’ porter. Drinks, I run da’ java.
Second Jive Dude: Lookie here. I can dig grease ‘n chompin’ on some buns and draggin’ through the garden.
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[last lines]
Man in Taxi: Well, I’ll give him another twenty minutes; but that’s it!
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Radio DJ: This is WZAZ in Chicago, where disco lives forever...
[the airplane zooms overhead the building, knocking the radio antenna down, and the signal goes dead]
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Mrs. Geline: I haven’t felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.
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Rex Kramer: [talking on the phone to the airport control tower] No, we can’t do that, the risk of a flame-out is too great. Keep ‘em at 24,000. No, feet.
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[with Randi’s help, and as Dr. Rumack looks on, Ted is studying the controls of Flight #209 and attempting, against all hope, to understand how in heaven do these blasted things work]
Elaine Dickinson: Ted! What are you doing here? *You* can’t fly this plane!
Ted Striker: That’s what I’m trying to *tell* these people!
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Rex Kramer: Don’t be a fool, Striker, you know what a landing like this means, you more than anybody. I’m ordering you to stay up there.
Ted Striker: No dice, Chicago. I’m giving the orders and we’re coming in. I guess the foot’s on the other hand now, isn’t it Kramer?
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Johnny: Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, Toto! It’s a twister! It’s a twister!
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[repeated lines]
Steve McCroskey: Johnny, how ‘bout some more coffee?
Johnny: No, thanks!
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[reading newspaper headlines]
Rex Kramer: Passengers certain to die!
Steve McCroskey: Airline negligent.
Johnny: There’s a sale at Penney’s!
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Newspaper Headline: Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot.
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Johnny: [to Mrs. Oveur] Where did you get that dress, it’s awful, and those shoes and that coat, jeeeeez!
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Rex Kramer: No... that’s just what they’ll be expecting us to do!
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Female announcer: Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone. Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy phone.
Female announcer: [Oveur picks up the red phone] No, the white phone.
Female announcer: Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone. Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy phone.
Captain Oveur: [to announcer] I GOT IT!
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Rex Kramer: All right, I’ll need three men up at the tower. You, Neubauer. You, Macias.
Johnny: Me, John, big tree!
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Ted Striker: [plane loses an engine] The oil pressure. I forgot to check the oil pressure! When Kramer hears about this, the shit’s going to hit the fan!
[in the office shit flies into a fan and fall down]
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Male announcer: Air Israel, please clear the runway!
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Steve McCroskey: [seeing airplane from tower] It’s coming right at us!
[he then jumps out of a window]
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[looking at the controls of the airplane as he begins to try to fly it]
Ted Striker: Let’s see... altitude: 21,000 feet. Speed: 520 knots. Level flight. Course: zero-niner-zero. Trim and mixture: wash, soak, rinse, spin.
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Jack: What’s going on? We have a right to know the truth!
Rumack: [to the passengers] All right, I’m going to level with you all. But what’s most important now is that you remain calm. There is no reason to panic.
[Rumack’s nose grows an inch long]
Rumack: Now, it is true that one of the crew members is ill... slightly ill.
[Rumack’s nose continues to grow longer and longer; al la Pinocchio]
Rumack: But the other two pilots... they’re just fine. They’re at the controls flying the plane... free to pursue a life of religious fulfillment.
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Mrs. Hammen: Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home.
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Mrs. Hammen: Jim never vomits at home.
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Rex Kramer: [continuing to talk into the radio after Striker lands the plane] Ted, have you ever been face down in the mud, and been kicked in the head with an iron boot? Of course you haven’t! No one has! It’s a stupid question! Forget I even asked!
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Steve McCroskey: [talking to Rex Kramer] Ease off, Rex. He hasn’t flown for years, it’s not his fault. Could happen to any pilot.
Johnny: It happened to Barbara Stanwyck.
Steve McCroskey: Can’t push him too hard; he might break. You gotta remember who you’re dealing with.
Johnny: Nick, Heath, Jared, theres a fire in the barn!
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Gunderson: He’s all over the place! Nine hundred feet up to 1300 feet. What an asshole!
The last thing he said to me, “Doc,” he said, “some time when the crew is up against it, and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Doc,” he said, “but I won’t smell too good, that’s for sure.”
That’s cheating!
Cutest 61 yr old granny ever!
You my FRiend, need help. I know because I speak from experience.
Yeah, but you read them all, didn’t you?
lolol
Caption at source credits “Facebook,” so it’s likely a very old photo.
God love her! Another Sully heroine.
I dunno.......you could land in the Dead Sea............;^)
Not quite. Stews with a certain amount of seniority used to get the plum routes. Google, in context, “Hawaii 5-0.”
LOL!
Please post longer threads...this one is too short.
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