They live in fear of the white hating blacks who will call them a “white man’s boy” or a “coconut”.
It's not just your opinion. That's dead-on accurate.
Most blacks hew toward the existent status quo, whatever it is at the time. Call it "a black thang", if you will, but it's real. There's a rigid orthodoxy of thought among American blacks that is as lemming-like as you'll ever find in a people.
I've been something of an iconoclast my whole life, and even before politics was important to me, I was taking flak from fellow blacks. That goes all the way back to childhood. I just never could follow the crowd.
You have my utmost symphathy. Family gatherings must be tough.