Pucker up, buttercup.

Here’s a real head-scratcher: Charlie Crist, in full-on Gloria Swanson mode, has stolen the credit card records from the Florida GOP and has released them to the press, in some bizarre, poorly-considered effort to destroy Marco Rubio.

With what, exactly, is this very orange and disturbed man self-medicating?

The part we don’t understand is why the Florida GOP has not said enough is enough, and just gone public with everything that’s out there on Crist.

All his adventures at the Green Iguana in Tampa, of which the gay community in Florida has known all about, and talked openly about for years.

All about his appearances in public as “Charlotte, Belle of the South”, one of the ugliest drag queens just about anyone’s ever seen (worse than when Giuliani did drag for SNL or Halloween or whenever).

This damn fool has been spending way too much time with Tom Cruise and John Travolta, because if he thinks that woman he married is going to keep people from telling the truth about him, he’s got another thing coming if he wants to really play “scorched Earth”.

It could all be a terrible mistake, of course.

“Scorched Earth?  No, you ninny.  I said BURNT OMBRE.  Possibly Crimson Sunrise.  Honey, you just KNOW I’m a Fall, and I sure ’nuff loves my tan, so BURNT OMBRE is the shade I want that hunky new Mystic Tan salesman to start pumping into…my tanning booth.  BURNT OMBRE, not “Scorched Earth”.  If I’m ever to appear again as Miss Charlotte, I just have to keep looking my best.  My fans demand it!”.

What needs to happen is this:  the GOP in Florida needs to completely decimate Crist.  Open the file everyone knows you have on him.  Trot out all the photos that must exist of him in drag.  Bring forward his old buddies from the Green Iguana. Find out if he’s been using Rentboys while “married” to Carole Rome.

If Crist wants to take Rubio down with despicable, desperate attacks, someone needs to drag all the skeletons out of Crist’s closet…ballgowns and all.

What a horrible, horrible, awful man.

Florida GOP, it’s time to step up and put a stop to this if you want to keep that Senate seat.