Christmas Cookie Liability: The Santa Claus Clause

Consumer Freedom.com ^ | December 16, 2009

[Still Thinking]

Think activists are taking a holiday break? While a reprieve from culinary scaremongering and guilt-trips might make a nice present for all of us, trial lawyers and self-anointed obesity warriors are always looking for ways to make our Christmas holiday season not so jolly. Consider the ridiculous past antics of anti-fat fanatic MeMe Roth, who has attacked St. Nick’s rotund form (along with ice cream toppings and Girl Scout cookies). Then there are the Grinch-like trial lawyers like John "Sue the Bastards" Banzhaf who are eager to file lawsuits against restaurants, school boards, and even parents because they hope big bellies will equal fat wallets.

What’s the cure for these "public health" crusaders? Protecting yourself with our Christmas Cookie Liability and Indemnification Agreement to keep you off the activists’ "naughty" lists – and out of court. Make sure you leave it out with the milk and cookies for Santa to sign. By getting St. Nick to put his John Hancock on the dotted line of our waiver, he agrees not to haul you into court for:

1. Failure to provide nutrition information and a list of ingredients (the "Grandma's secret recipe" clause);
2. Failure to caution of the potential for overeating because cookies taste too good and are provided at no cost;
3. Failure to advise that walking, biking, and jogging will shed pounds, but riding around on a sleigh will not;
4. Failure to warn that Christmas lights, lawn ornaments (plastic reindeer, snowmen, etc.) and other holiday decorations may constitute manipulative marketing to lure Santa into over-consumption;
5. Failure to offer "healthier" cookie alternatives (e.g., tofu bars);
6. Failure to counsel that cookies may be habit-forming and/or irresistible; and
7. Failure to notify that eating too many cookies may lead to even greater levels of obesity for St. Nick (the "Sanity Clause"). 

Click here to download the Agreement, and make your holidays lovely and litigation-free.

[Kieri]

These are the same b*stards who banned dragees. We loved them as kids and now I have to hit a cake decorating store to get them.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

[Still Thinking]

What the heck is a dragee?

[Sacajaweau]

Santa said he would like his best bud to be at our house when he gets there.

Got him a whole case!!

[Kieri]

Dragees are more commonly known as “the little silver balls” our moms put on Christmas cookies when we were kids. :-(

I have a hoarded supply of them. You can tell they’re made with real silver because if you leave them open to air too long they tarnish!

[Comparative Advantage]

I remember those. I didn’t realize they had been banned. When did it happen?

[a fool in paradise]

Chico: You can't fool me, there ain't no sanity clause.

[freekitty]

Santa can have all the Girl Scout cookies and ice cream he wants at my house.

[a fool in paradise]

The dragee addicts will still find them, one way or another

[Kieri]

Several years ago. Here’s a good article as to what led them to be scarce — the fear of lawsuits.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2003/12/23/MNGS03SUEM1.DTL

[Still Thinking]

Oh, I know those! Didn’t know they had a name, though.

[tiki]

I didn’t know they weren’t in favor anymore, I was just looking for them the other day because my granddaughter wants to decorate a cake for Christmas.

[Still Thinking]

You can get them online at www.FancyFlours.com

[Ptarmigan]

I remember having something like this before.

[Comparative Advantage]

Thanks!