Posted on 09/14/2009 7:18:51 PM PDT by TheVitaminPress
United States of America- All across the nation yesterday town hall meetings were bombarded with protesters wishing to express their displeasure with the presidents agenda for health care reform as well as his general disdain of individual liberty and property. Without the benefit of an audience with the head of the executive branch most of this anger was directed against local congressman. Despite this effort, however, many experts wonder how effective these demonstrations will be.
This substantial query, it must be noted here, is in hard deference to the quality of these protesters. Many experts in the field are skeptical as to weather any of these town haller’s are professional enough to warrant being heard, much less taken seriously.
About this matter The Vitamin Press spoke with, 7 time Grammy Award winning protester and charter member of Greenpeas International, Sage Pinebrush. Pinebrush shared an insight into the matter far beyond what even we could understand. “Look I’ve been named Trolling Stoned Magazine’s protester of the year four times now, I’m on everyones year end top ten list and last month Hot Topic sold more t-shirts with my face then they did with Che’s. So lets face it . . . I’m an international protest superstar and when I speak people should either listen or drop their pants. Now in my opinion these town hallers should not even be called protesters. These guys are just not in the same league or even organized enough to be in any sort of league at all. Seriously they carry around signs that look like they were made at home, they drive themselves to these events, their message has obviously not been focus grouped and, lets face it, none of their chants are going to win them any Grammy’s. And if there is anything I know about its a good slogan . . . my recording of the phrase ‘Kanye rapped/Bush crapped’ has sold 8 million copies through Viacom Online Tunes since it’s release this morning.”
When pressed for what advise he would give these dilettante rabel rousers Sagebrush seemed less sure. “You know, I don’t know. I mean I’m not certain this is a battle they can win. Obama has some serious community organizing credentials. He’s an Alinsky acolyte, he’s got professional PR firms on his side, he runs the press in this nation from Rahm Emanuel’s office and don’t forget how well funded he is; and I’m not just talking about the billions of taxpayer dollars he’s funneled into his personal protesters you have to also remember that there have been substantial contributions from Walmart and Big Pharma. So like I said, I don’t really know that these amateurs can do anything to counteract that juggernaut of professional protesting precision.”
To congressional representative Kathy Castoroil the act of ignoring her constituents is more about good government than anything else. “In a participatory democracy elements of dissent and those espousing an alternative point of view are in fact undemocratic, unpatriotic, counterproductive and must be ignored. If we allow those with differing views a spot at the public debate then surely we will lose our democracy.” Castoroil also reaffirmed her strong belief that she would never allow a democracy to be hijacked by voters and proffered to them the following words of wisdom and warning, “And honestly many of these folks had better watch out. They are guests in our house and if they keep on pushing its not going to be much longer before we start pushing back.”
Mere hours after Castoroil spoke those prophetic words Massachusetts congressman Barney Frankfurter was forced to do just that to an ungrateful citizen who had the moxie to compare the spokesman for national socialist healthcare to the spokesman for national socialist everything else. In characteristic form Frankfurter unleashed his unrivaled wit and delivered the devestating line “Ma’am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like arguing with a dining room table.” However after having given some consideration to Mr. Frankfurter’s physique The Vitamin Press must wonder how sardonic his comment was actually intended to be. After all the man looks as if he’s won just about as many arguments against a dining room table as he has against personal ads promising: “Exceptionally good-looking, personable, muscular athlete is available. Hot bottom plus large endowment equals a good time.”
Note: Yes that was the text of the actual ad that led to a male prostitution ring being run out of the honorable congressman’s residence.
TheVitaminPress
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The Vitamin Press is a website. It is not a state of mind. All we do is write, and then post what we write. Most of this writing is sarc and snark on the news or current state of political affairs. Some of it is not. I realize this is mostly futile. A Voltaire could not exist today . . . real life has become far more absurd than any satire.
We are currently looking for readers. I hope some of them will be you. Also we are looking to come up with a good tag line. So far all we’ve got is . . . leading a horticulture and making her think or 50,000,000 Germans can’t be wrong (twice); so that is it. Thank you.
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There. Fixed it.
Missed the sarc until PP 2 or 3.
What you missed is the “barf alert”
It doesn’t really count without support from Rent-a-Goon.
passion will always out manuever any paid picketer, who is motivated only by a paycheck.
They don’t get paid enough to read and learn what is most important in their lives.
"Congressional representative Kathy Casteroil"? "Massachusetts congressman Barney Frankfurter"? I'm going to lean ever so slightly toward satire.
I agree, but the impetus to write this article mainly came from the ludicrous notion that the people attending town halls were somehow professional protesters paid for by insurance companies. I thought it would be an even more stunning indictment on that absurdity if I played the satire pretty close to the chest for the first few paragraphs . . . but from the looks of things I think I might have played it to close to the chest.
Pretty funny. You can digg it here: http://digg.com/d314KgC
I laughed. I cried.
Can’t leave protesting to amateurs.
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