#20 is for Gabz, LOL!
50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!...” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “...I’m Batman. Come, Robin—to the Batcave!”
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
That reminds me of when Pat threw himself on the floor of the grocery store and screamed, "NO, NO! They're going to take me to Arkansas and give me a milkshake and a 16-pack of beer!"
Fortunately, some of the employees knew us (from the Republican Party) and explained that he's just Like That.
LOL, I’ll have to show these to my wife. :)
Very good. But what is the *typewriter* thingy? (line 7)
So YOU'RE the one! :-)
As an ex-WM night-stocker in a middle-class predominately-white neighborhood, I can attest to:
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Found that many a time. Also found empty drug-testing kits in the Men's room. Found a defrosted pizza in Furniture, and, by odor, a day-old (or more) defrosted chicken hidden behind some canned goods.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Chased off some young BWAA (Blacks with an attitude) playing bumper cars, running down the batteries, so the disabled had no means of shopping the next morning.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
If you're HWAA (Hispanics with . . .) two of you block the aisle and chat, then glare at the Gringo who asks you to move.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
BWIA do this with rap, WWAA (Whites . . .) do this with rock.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
YWAA (Yutes . . .) do this, then fall off or ram into something/somebody and mommy sues WM.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
Busted YWAAs who then get upset when you tell them to return the ball to the Toy department. WM is seen as an alternative amusement center.
21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
Then fall and sue WM.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
A relative of dropping off a changed-mind item in another department or letting Little Jimmy use the Toy department as a playground while I shop. Also akin to swapping price tags around.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
See above.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Busted YWAAs doing this on Saturday night around 2 a.m. Busted a HWAA giving his girl a speedy ride on my hand truck.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Take them out of their boxes and stuff them anywhere you can find a spot, or just leave them on the floor - they're like road maps and never fold right after opened. I started taping the boxes shut.
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
Also leave half-filled sodas and candy wrappers you pilfered. Leave half-filled Slurpee drinks from Subway and coffee cups from Starbucks tucked away on shelves. Leave plucked-clean grape stems and banana peels on the floor in Produce. Take a bite out of an apple and then return it, good side up. Punch down on each 18-count egg carton so at least one egg is broken so that the store has to throw them all away.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
Busted YWAAs in Furniture - especially with bean bags and those one-piece rockers.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
See 27, 43, and 47.
Then complain about the store "looking cluttered", rising prices (time spent undoing pranks), short-tempered personnel (employees tired of cleaning up after grown-ups).
You missed one: 51. Go into the fitting room and then after a few minutes, yell, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"