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50 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

So YOU'RE the one! :-)

As an ex-WM night-stocker in a middle-class predominately-white neighborhood, I can attest to:

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Found that many a time. Also found empty drug-testing kits in the Men's room. Found a defrosted pizza in Furniture, and, by odor, a day-old (or more) defrosted chicken hidden behind some canned goods.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Chased off some young BWAA (Blacks with an attitude) playing bumper cars, running down the batteries, so the disabled had no means of shopping the next morning.

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
If you're HWAA (Hispanics with . . .) two of you block the aisle and chat, then glare at the Gringo who asks you to move.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
BWIA do this with rap, WWAA (Whites . . .) do this with rock.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
YWAA (Yutes . . .) do this, then fall off or ram into something/somebody and mommy sues WM.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
Busted YWAAs who then get upset when you tell them to return the ball to the Toy department. WM is seen as an alternative amusement center.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
Then fall and sue WM.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
A relative of dropping off a changed-mind item in another department or letting Little Jimmy use the Toy department as a playground while I shop. Also akin to swapping price tags around.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
See above.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Busted YWAAs doing this on Saturday night around 2 a.m. Busted a HWAA giving his girl a speedy ride on my hand truck.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Take them out of their boxes and stuff them anywhere you can find a spot, or just leave them on the floor - they're like road maps and never fold right after opened. I started taping the boxes shut.

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
Also leave half-filled sodas and candy wrappers you pilfered. Leave half-filled Slurpee drinks from Subway and coffee cups from Starbucks tucked away on shelves. Leave plucked-clean grape stems and banana peels on the floor in Produce. Take a bite out of an apple and then return it, good side up. Punch down on each 18-count egg carton so at least one egg is broken so that the store has to throw them all away.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
Busted YWAAs in Furniture - especially with bean bags and those one-piece rockers.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
See 27, 43, and 47.

Then complain about the store "looking cluttered", rising prices (time spent undoing pranks), short-tempered personnel (employees tired of cleaning up after grown-ups).

You missed one: 51. Go into the fitting room and then after a few minutes, yell, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"