Posted on 12/13/2008 4:13:29 AM PST by reaganaut1
The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.
...
To help me understand this phenomenon, I called Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”
It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.
I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.
The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.
That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
Well here we have a huge amount of dishonesty in the fourth paragraph.
Girls in today's culture demonstrate that do not want permanent relationships. They want a relationship until they get the kids grown, then they dump their guys and play around. I see this pattern over and over even in my church.
One of those seeds - at least in Texas - was the phenomenon of “no-fault divorce.”
No..hooking up pretty much means sex.
Interesting data at that link.
As i was reading thought the thread, and saw someone mention that “even marriages from the 70s ended up in divorce” I was thinking how the sexual revolution peaked in the 70s, so that is not at all surprising.
the data you linked supports that conclusion.
It's called, "Friends with benefits."
You know you are on a Conservative forum
when modern terms for promiscuity
have to be explained...
http://onlineslangdictionary.com/thesaurus/words+meaning+promiscuous.html
This story has to be the absolute infinitesimally rare case from that era of relationships. I don't regret at all how it turned out. I certainly don't recommend it to anyone either. It doesn't exactly jibe with my Christian beliefs or practices. I can only guess that in some way I don't understand, my wife and I have been blessed.
Oldplayer
When will girls learn that if you’re givin’ away the milk for free, there’s no need for a guy to buy the cow?
“...total rejection of the moral law.”
It actually goes beyond that. In reality you might describe it as a total rejection of moral law, and absolute abhorrence of anyone who lives by or refers to it.
it reminds me of my old airborne days.
Why are you only condemning the women who “hook up,” why not the men? Why would any young woman want to marry a guy who has a history of “hooking up”? Promiscuity is a sure sign that a person’s character is bad; anyone, male or female, who is sexually promiscuous is going to make a bad spouse because he or she has already shown that he or she is incapable of delaying self-gratification and uses others to that end.
WHY they do it:
No one ever explained prostitution to them, or why prostitution is wrong. A heart to heart talk with a woman in her 30’s or 40’s who has ruined her life with this sort of behavior would be a good start.
They certainly do.
LLS
Those studies declaring that 50 percent of marriages ended in divorce were exposed a number of years ago. A common tactic was to compare the marriages of the last decade to all marriages. Not a fair comparison.
I suspect this was an attempt to discredit marriage and traditional families from the left.
Excellent post Leland. Too bad our society can’t adopt more Old Testament principles like this one. The Hebrew practice of requiring the approval of fathers and brothers before marriage was good protection for girls, families, and the society.
I hope that's the case and if so, I think it can be a good thing. As a guy, I never was that wild about dating per se (of course that was 30+ years ago; I feel older than dirt reading about this stuff now).
“This kind of good example is still possible today.”
Quite frankly, your sort of “good example” sounds little different from an Islamic “arranged marriage”.
How many young folks would [willingly] want that?
- John
1. It proves their sexual attractiveness. Women of the past used to collect admirers who would write them poetry/give them flowers/etc., so this is just a more direct version of the same thing.
2. They don't have to deal with a relationship. From what I've observed, the second sex becomes an issue in any non-committed-marriage-type relationship, the male involved automatically becomes a whiny little cuss and spends most of his time guilt-tripping the female for more sex/different sex/etc. Hooking up allows her to channel her sex drive (yes, she has one!) without dealing with someone who's going to whine and call her fat if thrice a week isn't often enough.
Keep in mind, this is just what I see as part of the college-age set. I'm not sure how this works in the 'real world.'
A lady Freeper wrote the following to me, and with her permission, I am posting it here:
********************************************************
Thanks for posting this article. I have observed this behavior in a nephew of mine that went off to a top ranked university. He explained the behavior to me and I gave him a good “talking too” about promiscuity, don’t know if it did any good.
But I wanted to write to encourage you to keep your kids at home and let them attend college or university while living at home.
We also live in an area w/lots of colleges. Our son did dual credit while in high school, so he graduated high school and received his AA at the same time. He went on scholarship to a local state U and finished his BA at the age of 19, and now is set to graduate from a private U (but still local) with his Master’s...he’ll be 21.
He has lived at home the entire time and chosen to commute. Longest drive has been 35 miles/one way to the state U, private U is 20 miles.
He has wonderful friends and has not been tempted into the “loose” lifestyle by his peers, because his peers are not the other college kids, but his original friends he had from HS (mostly church kids.) Consequently we’ve had no issues with alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.
He dates a lovely girl, and their relationship has been very “proper”...he hangs out at her home w/her family a lot, they date in groups, occasionally just the two of them, but they are very aware of the sexual temptations of spending too much time “alone.”
Anyhoo, I really think that staying out of the “dorm” lifestyle has helped tremendously.
Another nephew just recently went away to college, and I asked him how dorm life was....he told me all the girls were, “sluts” (his choice of words, not mine) and shortly thereafter, my sister found a private home for him to rent a room in, seems his roomates were having sex in the room even w/him present, and he wanted out of the dorm life.
So, to end this missive, LOL, try to keep your kids at home while they attend school. Keep the lines of communication open and you can debunk the liberal teaching, and the loose morals that are on most college campuses today.
“It actually goes beyond that. In reality you might describe it as a total rejection of moral law, and absolute abhorrence of anyone who lives by or refers to it.”
Allow me to rephrase that then. ;-)
It is a total rejection of the moral law and the ensuing insanity that results.
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