The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters

New York Times ^ | September 10, 2008 | TARA SIEGEL BERNARD

[Lorianne]

IF you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.

But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.

Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by.

Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save. For some people, it’s working 80-hour weeks to finance a third home and country club membership; for others, it means cutting back on office hours to spend more time with the family.

[johniegrad]

Nah. The key to a happy marriage is to have low expectations.

[madison10]

Nah. The key to a happy marriage is to have low expectations.

Agreed...or none at all.

[af_vet_1981]

Much of the article makes sense ... which is unusual for the NYT

TALK AND SHARE GOALS Before walking down the aisle, couples should have a talk about their financial health and goals. They should ask each other tough questions: Do we want children? When? Who will care for them? Will they go to public or private school? What kind of life do we want? When will we retire?

The questions should be directed differently though, "Do you want children ? What kind of life you you want ?

[af_vet_1981]

What kind of life you you want ?

What kind of life you do you want ?

[af_vet_1981]

The key to a happy marriage is to have low expectations.

Nonconcur

Expect and require loyalty/fidelity

[papertyger]

The key to a happy marriage is to be honorable and find someone who is reasonable.

[Drango]

NYTimes channels Bill and Hillary Clinton.

[txroadkill]

Nah. The key to a happy marriage is to have low expectations.

That is actually correct. The reason most marriages fail is because of unreasonable expectations.

[dfwgator]

And the corollary, the belief that one partner can change the other.

[org.whodat]

Marrying a rich woman helps a lot, ask kerry and mccain

[HangnJudge]

Nah. The key to a happy marriage is to have low expectations.

Joy in life is a tight inverse function of Expectations
The greater your Expectations on this Earth
The less Joy will find you

[Huntress]

This article makes a lot of sense. I've never been married, but I have been in business with a couple of partners who were financially irresponsible, and who stuck me with a lot of debt that I'm still paying off. I never want to go through that again, so for me, financial irresponsibility is a deal-breaker in a potential husband.

[Hildy]

Here's the secret to a successful marriage...CHOOSE WISELY, TREAT KINDLY. Whenever my husband and I start bickering, I take a breath, lean over and tell him that I love him. It just takes the sting out of anything, and I mean ANYTHING we are fighting about.

Men, treat your wives sweetly, touch her, kiss her and tell her how much you appreciate what she does. Small things like that (even if at first you don't really mean it), works...fake it until you make it!

[Salvation]

I disagree. Marriage is not about expectations. It’s about commitment.

Marriage is a decision. Love is a decision. A husband and wife need to work at it every day.

Prayers for all married couples.

[trimom]

You are so very correct. It is a decision. I also learned to trust that my husband would make decisions that were good for us as a couple and then as a family.

He wisely persuades me when we come to an impass. He has laid the law down exactly 6 times in 32 years. I insisted on my way one of those times. And don’t you know it? He was right! LOL

I am a very lucky woman. I never question his judgement. after all, he picked me, right?

[Hildy]

Yes, it is a daily decision...today (September 14th) is my 11th wedding anniversary. I found my soulmate, but we work at it...too many people CHOOSE the easy way out sometimes which is to leave. I love my husband more today than 11 years ago today. Our commitment to our marriage makes our love stronger. I wish people would understand that.

[Salvation]

Congratulations on your 11th Anniversary. Here is a prayer for both of you. Pinging trimom too.

Prayer for Husbands and Wives

 

Lord, inspire those men and women

who bear the titles “Husband and Wife.”

help them to look to You,

to themselves,

to one another

to rediscover the fullness and mystery

they once felt in their union.

 

Let them be honest enough to ask:

Where have we been together

and where are we going?

 

Let them be brave enough to question:

How have we failed?

 

Let each be foolhardy enough to say:

For me, we come first.

 

Help them, together

To re-examine their commitment

In the light of Your love –

Willingly, openly, compassionately.

Help them, together

to believe how fragile, yet powerful –

how weak, yet how strong –

how impossible, yet attainable

their love can be.

 

Give “Husband” and “Wife” the courage

to be for each other a person

rather than a title.

Amen.

[johniegrad]

It was a tongue in cheek post.