Posted on 08/06/2008 7:52:02 AM PDT by qam1
Over the past 35 years we have been waiting longer and playing the field more before settling down. According to the Office for National Statistics, men are getting married for the first time seven years later and women six years later. This means that the average man is aged 32 when he asks “Will you marry me?” and the average woman is 29 when she says “Yes”.
But is this trend towards the thirtysomething marriage making us happier and more satisfied? And when it comes to the fortysomething crunch - the most common age for divorce - who is most vulnerable: those who took the plunge early at twentysomething or the ones who waited until thirtysomething?
When couples seek my help as a marital therapist, I start by asking for the history of their relationship. People who married in their twenties often report tough times at the beginning: living with in-laws, financial problems or moving around the country as one partner climbed the career ladder. Most couples overcome these problems....
.....
Yet, when faced with fortysomething couples in crisis, I always feel more optimistic about the outcome for those who married in their twenties than those who married in their thirties. Why should this be? If you marry later, you are more likely to bring old baggage into your relationship. In some cases, I help couples to unravel the influence of someone from maybe two or three relationships back. For example, to someone who once had a suspicious partner - forever quizzing them about their movements - an innocent inquiry such as: “What time will you be back?” can sound aggressive........
(Excerpt) Read more at women.timesonline.co.uk ...
And speaking as a cutting edge of Generation X father of an 11 and 9 year old, I would also say have kids in your 20s!
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After having kids in my 30s, I'd wholeheartedly agree with you. I think that I appreciate them more, but 1, 3 and 5am feeding/teething/whatevers are not all that easy. :-)
Having carried very tired four year olds many times; I’d say thank God I was in my twenties.
Amen. Neither of our sons were “planned,” but our youngest is now a high school senior. We’re looking forward to being empty nesters in our mid 40’s.
No kidding. I’ve got my hands full with 5, 3 nad 8 month old children. I can’t imagine doing this ten years from now. I’m exauhsted as it is.
So when you get divorced at 30 you're not worth that much. 8^P
I had children in my 20’s and in my 30’s, but not yet in my 40’s.
My own experience in marriage (20 years next February) supports the author’s analysis. For one thing, during the most difficult years of our marriage, we were so poor that we couldn’t afford to split up!
5,3 and 8 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How did you do that?????????
I must say, I enjoyed my children very much during their teens years when I was in my 30s.
As a young grandmother, I have enjoyed my own children and grandchildren much more than my friends who were either just beginning their families in late 30s or even early 40s.
All they do is complain about having no "free time" or "low energy" with toddlers or older children in activities.
I'm glad to be throwing a frizbee around the back yard with youngsters that I can hand back to their mommies when I get tired instead of doing school work, planning dinners and driving to soccer matches.
Meanwhile, I plan my next trip or enjoy myself and hubby spending lots of personal time together.
One friend, who was divorced in her 40s with an 8 yr. old son, complained to me that "it must be nice to have lots of time to come and go as I pleased, etc." My response, "You weren't interested in changing places with me when we were in our 20's - you going to parties at night, me walking the floor with a crying baby until 2:00 a.m."
I have to wholeheartly disagree with this article.
Me too. When I have kids in my late 30’s for 40’s I will know more of who I am, what I want, and will have the money for a nanny.
We were married when I was 23 and she was 19. Now 54 and 51 and our nest officially empties this Friday. No grandbabies, but looking forward to this next phase of life. Combined with the fact that both our kids are happy and gainfully employed, and live and work in the same county, this is going to be fun. What I find interesting is that the author does not mention regular attendance, much less active involvement, in a church (very active would describe my entire family, members of the same church for 3 generations now) as a factor is long term marital happiness.
There’s a big difference between early 20’s and late 20’s.
Out of the 7 couples I know (personally) that married in their early 20’s, only one remains married to this day. Everyone I personally know who have married in their late 20’s/early 30’s is still together.
A couple of the latter group I wouldn’t be shocked at splitting later on, but I don’t expect the 86% divorce rate of the earlier group.
I agree. I got married in my 30’s, wife had trouble conceiving, and we finally adopted when I was 42. I’m now 49 with a 7 year old daughter. I should have grandkids by now. At retirement age I’ll be putting my daughter through college.
I just hope I live to see my grandkids.
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