OMG!!!! That’s TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!
Here’s MINE!
My complaint about Mr. Barak H. Obama
I pride myself on my exactitude. As you’ll see from this letter, I provide copious detail and try to be as precise as possible when describing the ways in which Mr. Barak H. Obama has been a bad apple for as long as I can remember. Let me cut to the chase: Barak has never satisfactorily proved his assertion that truth is merely a social construct. He has merely justified that assertion with the phrase, “Because I said so.” I don’t want to overstate this point, but I can reword my point as follows. Barak has little respect for laws or for any behavior that most people would consider requisite for a sustainable information economy. What, then, does “electrophysiologically” mean? It means considerably more than any dictionary is likely to say.
Barak sees people like you and me as the perfect drones for his future globalist regime. In view of that, it is not surprising that I call upon Barak to stop his oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon him to be a man of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon him to forgo his desire to carve out space in the mainstream for brown-nosing politics. The first response to this from his vicegerents is perhaps that parasitism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us. Wrong. Just glance at the facts: There is no excuse for the innumerable errors of fact, the slovenly and philistine artistic judgments, the historical ineptitude, the internal contradictions, and the various half-truths, untruths, and gussied-up truths that litter every one of his essays from the first word to the last.
Barak has already begun turning spielers loose against us good citizens. I wish I were joking but I’m not. What’s more, just the other day, some of Barak’s beastly proxies forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Barak’s blueprint for a world in which fascism-oriented pissants are free to transform our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that Barak’s cabal appears to be growing in number. I pray that this is analogous to the flare-up of a candle just before extinction yet I keep reminding myself that “Barak” has now become part of my vocabulary. Whenever I see someone feature simplistic answers to complex problems, I tell him or her to stop “Barak-ing”.
There is a format Barak should follow for his next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts. He might have been in a lethargic state of autointoxication when he said that he is the most recent incarnation of the Buddha. More likely, perhaps, is that someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Barak. The memo spells out his plans to change the course of history. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that all Barak really wants is to hang onto the perks he’s getting from the system. That’s all he really cares about.
Those of us who are still sane, those of us who still have a firm grip on reality, those of us who still insist that it is important to realize that Barak is unable to remove his mental shackles, have an obligation to do more than just observe what Barak is doing from a safe distance. We have an obligation to promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. We have an obligation to examine the warp and woof of his ballyhoos. And we have an obligation to get my message about Barak out to the world. If it were true, as he claims, that he is entitled to generate alienation and withdrawal, then I wouldn’t be saying that if Barak is going to talk about higher standards then he needs to live by those higher standards. Even though he gives flattering titles to his natural distempers, he has been trying hard to protect what has become a lucrative racket for him. Unfortunately, that lucrative racket has a hard-to-overlook consequence: it will provoke terrible, total, universal, and merciless destruction any day now. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, would like to go on, but I do have to keep this letter short. So I’ll wrap it up by saying that Mr. Barak H. Obama’s squibs serve no purpose other than to play the blame game.
“enjoy one of Areopagus’ little toys”
Thank You!
Now on my favorites list. I will try not to abuse it, here, at least, too often.
:)
“My complaint about Film Actors Guild (FAG)
The following letter is inspired by a quote from Thomas Paine: “He who dares not offend cannot be honest.” In the first place, if I didn’t think Film Actors Guild (FAG) would flush all my hopes and dreams down the toilet, I wouldn’t say that it would not hesitate to slander those who are most systematically undervalued, underpaid, underemployed, underfinanced, underinsured, underrated, and otherwise underserved and undermined as undeserving and underclass if it felt it could benefit from doing so. The two things I just mentioned — the way that I can no longer brook Film Actors Guild (FAG)’s narrow-minded claims and the fact that it’s not a question of if but only of when it will lay the foundation for some serious mischief — may sound like they’re completely unrelated, but they’re not. The common link is that it appears to have found a new tool to use to help it deploy enormous resources in a war of attrition against helpless citizens. That tool is gnosticism, and if you watch it wield it, you’ll unmistakably see why it is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence Film Actors Guild (FAG) writes is filled with needlessly long words like “philosophicotheological” and “indistinguishableness”. Either it is deliberately trying to confuse us or else it’s secretly scheming to create massive civil unrest.
Film Actors Guild (FAG) says that everyone would be a lot safer if it were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions — even our library records. Why on Earth does Film Actors Guild (FAG) need to monitor our library records? The answer is almost totally obvious — this isn’t rocket science, you know. The key is that an understanding of the damage that may be caused by Film Actors Guild (FAG)’s mealymouthed conclusions isn’t something I expect everyone to develop the first time they hear about it. That’s why I write over and over again and from so many different angles about how Film Actors Guild (FAG) demands that we make a choice. Either we let it blame our societal problems on handy scapegoats or it’ll manipulate the public like a puppet dangling from strings. This “choice” exemplifies what is commonly known as a “false dichotomy” or “the fallacy of the excluded middle” because it denies other alternatives, such as that once you understand Film Actors Guild (FAG)’s snow jobs, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting Film Actors Guild (FAG) condemn innocent people to death.
I must point out that Film Actors Guild (FAG) has, at times, called me “short-sighted” or “hypocritical”. Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to create a climate of intimidation. We wouldn’t currently have a problem with quislingism if it weren’t for Film Actors Guild (FAG). Although it created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, Film Actors Guild (FAG) insists that it can solve the problem if we just grant it more power. How naïve does it think we are? Truly, I have some of Film Actors Guild (FAG)’s writings in front of me right now. In one of them, Film Actors Guild (FAG) maintains that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power. If you don’t find that shocking then consider that this has been documented repeatedly. Now that that’s cleared up, I’ll continue with what I was saying before, that it and its foot soldiers pay little or no attention to the negative impact that interventionism will have on our daily lives. That much is crystal clear. But did you know that if Film Actors Guild (FAG)’s disciples are frightened that Film Actors Guild (FAG) might create a sick, snippy world of guilt and shame by the next full moon, they have only themselves to blame? That’s why I’m telling you that if I withheld my feelings on this matter, I’d be no less pernicious than Film Actors Guild (FAG). Anyway, that’s it for this letter. Let Film Actors Guild (FAG) read it and weep.
Signed, Alec Baldwin”