Men prefer being solo
Posted on 06/02/2008 7:10:15 AM PDT by Hildy
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.
"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.
No! No! It is that they have much more money than the rest of us!
but have you noticed the posts that say a good marriage is wonderful?
It is about finding the right woman and discarding the bad woman.
in a related story it takes digging in 90 tons of rock to find a diamond.
Larger Carbon Footprint?!?
Married twice, divorced twice. Living now with my Doberman, who, while he can be demanding at times, at least does so in a non-verbal way which is much nicer. Also if he gets too far out of line, I can put him in his crate, something I never could do with either wife :)
See...36% of men are perfectly willing to marry the wrong person.
There. Fixed it for ya.
As someone that was married to two harridans and finally found contentment, I'm with the other guys on this one.
While there are wonderful women out there (and thank heavens I found one), our society is turning out a bumper crop of self-centered, ill-tempered, life-sucking shrews.
More and more women are selfish, self absorbed creatures. It's the church of Oprah and it's a crying shame.
If men aren't getting married, it's because they're not meeting any marriage material.
Women prefer being solo over a bad marriage.
The first is that women tend to advertise what they think the men want and not what they are. Their attitutde is that once he is hooked, she can go back to being what she prefers to be and there isn't a think he can do about it!
Second, both forget that you have to keep "dating", even after you are married to keep the excitement and interest in the marriage. If you don't keep your partner interested in you, he/she is going to wander off...not necessarily to another person, but to a more interesting activity or hobby.
The work really starts after the rings are exchanged!
For later read.
You got that right.
You got that right.
I don't think it a man woman thing so much as a generation thing.
All women are awful EXCEPT ottbmare, who is a wonderful lady.
Happy now?
"This would be an even more interesting thread if female Freepers would post their "TOP TWO"."
Agreed! I'd like to see that list.
1. A house.
2. Cuddling.
3. Comfortable shoes.
What men want.
1. Sex.
2. Beer.
3. TV remote.
Number 2 is optional. Number one goes away after you say 'I do'.
"That's when she told me a story 'bout free milk and a cow, and said 'no huggy no kissy til I get a wedding vow', I said 'Now hunny now baby, don't put my love upon no shelf' and she said 'Don't hand me no lines, and keep yo' hands to yo'self!'"
Georgia Satellites
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