Posted on 06/02/2008 7:10:15 AM PDT by Hildy
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.
"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.
I think men are confused, as they should be. Too bad for everyone. When I was dating, I found it hard to meet that right guy. I found my soulmate in an older man...a different generation.
But here's the secret I tell my women friends when they ask me the secret to finding the right man for yourself. Women need to look very honestly (and that's hard for a woman to do) at themselves and assess what the top TWO most important thing she needs to be happy in life.
The older I get the more I see how downright selfish women can be...especially those who think they're not. We have unreal expectations and still, after all this time, a fairy tale image of what life should be and when life falls short, we take it out on the people we love. It's kinda sick, when you think about it.
Reuters left off the number ONE accusation that is leveled at a middle aged man who is never been married.
Can anyone guess what that politically incorrect reason is?
# Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
# Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
Ummm ... That they were smarter than the rest of us? ;-)
There’s nothing worse than a really bad marriage and nothing better than a really good marriage. I should know because I’ve had both.
“Dear Lord, just let me find a woman who is a pain in the A$$ only 10% of the time and I’ll kiss her feet.”
Is it a “gay” reason?
This would be an even more interesting thread if female Freepers would post their "TOP TWO".
sorry, i’m taken : ) LOL!!!
We have unreal expectations and still, after all this time, a fairy tale image of what life should be and when life falls short, we take it out on the people we love.
That sentence sums up my ex-wife pretty well..
Proverbs 21:9
Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse. (The Message)
And I imagine it can work either way as many middle-aged women are opting for remaining single as well.
So, what exactly are the TWO most important things a woman needs to be happy in life? Inquiring men want to know. :-)
Here we go. Four thousand posts about How Awful Women Are.
scared?
hardly.
It seems men tend to do a cold hard cost benifit analysis and make a conclusion.
Scared implies they can overcome their fear of being in a bad marriage in order to be in a bad marriage. (ala fear of flying)
Right idea wrong execution for this stating the obvious concept.
They should have just said men don’t want to mary a b*tch or a nag.
There is a glut of cheap milk on the market, so the price of cows is way, way down...
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men
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Not buying it.
Definitely. Of course, men can be that way too. It's a humanity thing.
i’d have to say my top two are: be considerate, and have a great sense of humor.
Your comments were more insightful than what was contained in the article. I will throw in my two cents worth. I think women tend to make choices emotionally, which skews their choice in favor of wants rather than needs. They tend to make the same mistake again and again. Men on the other hand are probably more analytical and put needs above wants. And this article tends to underline that, by pointing out how many make very calculated decisions about relationships and that calcualation many times leads to remaining single. Women FEEL they are not making a mistake while men FEAR they might be making a mistake.
And on top of that, in the Oprah-generation, people divorce when they no longer feel the magic.
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