Posted on 02/18/2008 11:52:51 AM PST by firehat
JOHN McCAIN:
TWO QUESTIONS TO EVERY SIDE ©
by Norman Liebmann
Nothing in history reveals as much meaningless rummaging as has been required to come up with a John McCain. If Republicans are expecting a nice guy in John McCain theyre going to be disappointed. But if theyre expecting a double-crossing, disloyal, amnesty-loving SOB hes not a bad guy. The superficiality of John McCains allegiances is stomach-boggling. John (Anyway the Wind Blows) McCain has proved that all politicians are the same, although John McCain demonstrates that some politicians are more the same than others. The McCain nomination is an embarrassment on its way to becoming a national calamity. It is especially ominous sign that Rosie ODonnell hasnt yet said anything negative about him.
One wonders from whence comes the notion that John McCain is a conservative. Will some spiritualist medium please step forward and tell us where that ectoplasm formed? The GOP has come to stand for The Grand Old Patsies. Conservatives are sick of the Republican Partys endless procession of get-along go-along political ciphers. To paraphrase a popular lyric - A reign by McCain goes mainly against the grain. Its this simple. In the Republican Party there are a lot of conservatives - of which there are none.
With McCain being offered the helm, it is increasingly apparent that the rats are not abandoning the ship theyre clambering aboard. It is depressing how automatically Republican hack politicians lined up behind McCain. The endorsement of McSmirk by Giuliani proves that city slickers can be had. Joseph Liebermans endorsement of John McCain proves he is capable of something even more grossly stupid and gutless than his backing off the impeachment of Bill Clinton. The GOP has become the Gutless Old Party. Theres no way to spin that even in Washington.
The candidates that clutter the upcoming election of 2008 have finally given America a yardstick by which we can measure accurately the expression The worst of all possible worlds. The downside of not voting for John McCain is it makes it possible for Hillary to become President of the United States of America for the next four years. The upside is it would banish McCain from the American political scene forever. The only certainty is no matter who is elected, more billions will be shoveled into NASA, Americas one trick pony and flying circus.
APPEARANCES
There are three major reasons not to support John McCains bid to become President. Hes old, hes ill, and hes John McCain. At an age when people are retiring to Arizona he wants to retire from Arizona. It is fitting that McCain should be the Senator from Arizona, which is less a state than it is a retirement village with ambitions. McCain talks the talk but like a politician but walks the walk like a penguin.
It is just possible McCain has been taking periodic blood transfusions from Teddy Kennedy in order to build up his present immunity to conservatism. As a result, respect for the Constitution is something his body rejects. (After Bob Dole started doing commercials for Viagra the image of Republicanism transmuted from the party of influence to the party of impotence.)
The only explanation for his abbreviated arms is that he pushed the trigger and the trigger pushed back. It is rumored while the other prisoners at the Hanoi Hilton had cells McCain had quarters. I guess the hardship he considered that he endured was because he was promised a suite which was not delivered. The gooks are cruel that way.
The duality of his political convictions enables McCain to approach senility from opposite sides. McCain is not only old but has committed the folly of looking his age. In fact, McCain looks like the Ancient Mariners older brother. If McCain looked any older he could be mistaken for a member of the Rolling Stones. One supposes that cosmetic surgery has its limitations. He is unlikely to inspire the confidence during the State of the Union Speech when he comes down the aisle of the House of Representative with a walker and the Sergeant at Arms announces him as Ladies and Gentlemen - the Old Fogy of the United States John Sidney McCain. It will do little to increase the respect of other heads of state by our President being called Gramps. (A day off his meds could lead to war.)
It appears we will have a contest between a 71 year old free lance fanatic and a 60 year old teary-eyed radical with a big ass. The disparity is, with the election of Hillary Clinton we will be getting both the nanny state and the granny state at the same time. A Hillary/McCain contest may not change Americas course, but would determine which one looks worse when getting out of bed in the morning.
POLICIES
McCain admonishes conservatives with condescension to calm down while he is the reason their shorts are in a knot. His affinity for illegal Mexicans is paradoxical. Apparently one of the dirty jobs that illegal aliens are eager to do that Americans wont is to support John McCain. Should McCain become President you will see more Mexicans in America than the Wicked Witch of the West had flying monkeys. As explained by Geraldo Rivera in one of his all too frequent gloats on Fox, Mitt Romney was punished at the polls by the Sons and Daughters of the Inquisition for his opposition to Amnesty which is so cynically embraced by Senor Juan Jose Juarez McCain - who they hope will become the Padrone of the United States.
Likely McCain will appoint Geraldo Rivera as his liaison to Americas Spanish-speaking gangs in a move to keep honest citizens off their own streets. The Rivera appointment will insure a steady flow of guitar picks throughout the U.S. It is hoped this will not take time away from Riveras exploitation of the American troops who he uses as a backdrop to promote his I Am the War image. Barrio brain Geraldo Rivera would likely convince McCain to return the Alamo to Mexico where it would be re-designated as the home office of Taco Bell.
McCain has an as yet unexplained inclination to open the sluice gate that floods "illegals" into the United States. We do not understand his affinity for peons. There is nothing in Mexico that doesnt give you diarrhea including their music. He does not need to drink water with Mexican water because at his age he is probably already spending the better part of each day in the toilet.
REACHING
Reaching across the aisle is a prerogative reserved by Senator Larry Craig for himself but usually reserved for making new acquaintances in the mens room. Reaching across the aisle is, by its physicality reserved for Republicans with longer arms and more plastic points of view. Still John McCain is the default delegate of Americans whose saliva has run dry but still have a need to spit in the face of their own Salvation. McCains only regret as a career politician is that he cannot see the look on a colleagues face when he knifes him in the back.
George Bush has declared John McCain a true conservative. All you have to know is that Bush sides with McCain on immigration to know what nitwits both of them are. Bush decided to end his term with an End of the Republican Party Celebration commemorating a thermonuclear budget bust to remember him by. I havent gotten around to considering McCains credentials as a conservative. I am still trying to find a way to rescind the vote I cast for George Bush.
Most people could not live with the animus directed toward John McCain. He glories in it. Its just possible he believes that the contempt of the conservatives is a cure for cancer. He has no other logical reason to wallow in it. (If McCain wins, he could celebrate by popping open a magnum of Chemo.)
McCain looks like hes in the terminal stages of anemia. He appears totally bloodless as though he had been Count Draculas favorite apéritif. McCain looks like a Q Tip with flippers. His hand salute doesnt quite make it all the way to his eyebrow. When McCain gives the thumbs up sign he looks like he is standing too close to his thumbs.
John Sidney McCrust as he might aptly be referred to, has been admonishing his critics to Just calm down this from the only guest in the history of the Hanoi Hilton who was asked by the management to either behave himself or leave. The full gamut of his emotions is a pendulum that swings between growling and snarling. He appears to have the temperament of a wolverine with a bad case of hemorrhoids. We have not seen anyone this chronically out of sorts since the Terrible Tempered Mr. Bang an ill-natured passenger the Motorman couldnt kick off The Toonerville Trolley. With his naval background and irascible nature nobody is better equipped to scuttle the Ship of state.
McCains ability to survive indicates that he has an inexhaustible supply of something or other that nobody wants. And if anyone wanted it, it probably would be something that wouldnt last. His most notable self-serving achievement was to acquire a trophy wife as did Ted Turner.
The Grand Old Party has become the Death Wish Party. They have made the Senate into an intellectual pygmy village. It is surprising that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt havent adopted one of its members.
The Senate is a whorehouse and McCain is the one whose virtue all the Democrat members attest to. What an endorsement! Yet, for John McCain double-crossing fellow Republicans has become a way of life. After all, what are friends for?
Reaching out to the Democrats is the true measure of the expression that You cant get there from here. Anybody but McCain would know that. After you call him Judas McCain theres nothing left to quibble about. The only thing that reaches across the aisle is the miasma of McCains disloyalty to his party. The temptation is not to wait for his election to begin his impeachment.
The Democrats have determined in order to win they must have a black candidate - even if they have to nominate Daffy Duck, who is a little less liberal than Barack Obama. The difference between McCain and any Democrat is too subtle to be meaningful or even discernible. In John McCain, the Republican political hacks have given us a choice of a radical socialist against a socialist radical. His cabinet will likely reunite the fourteen Senators he led in gang-banging the Constitution. The Republicans want freedom - but they dont want it enough. McCains politics are free-form. Like water he takes the shape of whatever receptacle you pour him in. He could have been the savior of his country, but chose to remain a cranky old man who likes to wheel and deal and to confront the prevailing will of the people. He has a mental warp that thrives in the natural environment of politics.
Bill Clinton cheated on his wife and John McCain cheated on his party. To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, a cheat is a cheat is a cheat. The Hillary/McCain battle will devolve on which of them can portray themselves as the most convincing victim. This is a Frank Capra-esque self-pity driven contest. An election will be between John McCain and Hillary Clinton poses a funhouse mirror image of conservatism against a Stephen King gynecological horror.
It requires more than public sympathy to anoint one a hero. McCain seems to have gotten it on demand. The conventional wisdom is not that the Vietnamese captured McCain but that he volunteered for captivity. It is reasonable to believe that the McCain saga contains a certain element of mythology. After all, it is a story as told by John McCain to John McCain. McCain considers arrogance among the noblest of all human emotions, although its possible that the guards at the Hanoi Hilton did not consider it McCains most endearing characteristic.
The military needs a reunion of his fellow inmates for a polygraph party to determine such questions as, did the guards at the Hanoi Hilton really abuse John McCain, and if so, did they abuse him enough? Were both his arms deformed because the Vietnamese guards were sadists, or did he sustain those injuries because, as has been reported, he neglected to release his planes canopy before ejecting from the aircraft. Oops doesnt quite serve as an explanation. In fact, McCain totaled out five very expense aircraft. Perhaps he never quite grasped the idea that it was his job to destroy the enemies planes, not his own.
McCain served aboard the aircraft carrier James V. Forrestal, named for a Secretary of the Navy who committed suicide. Perhaps Forrestal anticipated McCain would be coming aboard. As a Navy pilot, McCains carrier landings were as predictable as where the little white ball comes to rest on a roulette wheel. If there is not a causal relationship in that fact there is at least a reasonable amount of irony.
McCain wants to work with Democrats if he can find a shovel big enough. Despots remain invulnerable having warned their minions of the suicidal price of crossing party lines. McCain saying he can work with the Democrats is comparable to Judge Ito saying I can work with the O.J. Simpson jury.
True conservatives wont give McCain an inauguration. Theyd rather give him a roast. Likely the poignant moment of his John McCains Inaugural Reception will be when Jane Fonda comes down the receiving line and asks him, Havent we met somewhere before? The Hanoi Hilton ended up being The John and Jane Show.
His declining to be allowed to leave Hanoi suggests that he and Jane Fonda were the only two people who felt comfortable there. A Republican ticket that might span the political spectrum may be is Hanoi John and Hanoi Jane. Fonda could oblige Hillary Clinton to split both the vagina vote and the treason vote.
With their political views, all the three principal candidates should be running to be elected Commissar of Berkeley. Hillary and Obama proclaim themselves Surrendercrats. McCain advertises himself The Poster Boy for Captivity. Not much to choose from among that bunch. Whoever is elected President will immediately call Bill Clinton for advice on who to screw first.
The country looked to the Republicans to make one last attempt to rescue the nation from the trash and venom that is of liberalism. They turned for their champion to John McCain, the nearest thing they could find to Pierre Laval. He has no moral compass, and is pretty much of a billiard ball that has lost its ability to be round. Election of John McCain means the Republicans want to continue George Bushs Vichy government in Washington.
The Clintons are already rejoicing at McCains nomination and working on ways to allude to his physical debility sneaked into the public consciousness with biased media tributes to The Chemo President and/or The Melanoma Kid. Cancer is something you wouldnt wish on anybody. But with the liberal media, exceptions can be made.
There is no intelligent design at work here. The election will determine the triumph of one blunt mentality over another. A Hillary/McCain contest would resemble two street walkers fighting over turf. Irrespective of which one is elected, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad will kick in the ass. If its Hillary we will just have given him a bigger target.
John McCain suffers from delusions of adequacy. It will be no surprise if he shows up for his first State of the Union Speech wearing a miter and carrying a papal staff. Neither cancer nor captivity has given John McCain humility. Being humbled by Hillary Clinton may be what it finally takes. After all, it worked on her husband. Should that be the likelihood we will weep as a nation but not for John McCain.
Screw John McCain and the plane he crashed in on.
***
LOL
JOHN McCAIN:
TWO QUESTIONS TO EVERY SIDE
and two answers to every question.
“We keep hearing about McCain’s “lifetime” rating from the American Conservative Union being 82.3 percent. But McCain has been a member of Congress for approximately 400 years, so that includes his votes on the Spanish-American War. His more current ratings are not so hot.
“In 2006 — the most recent year for which ratings are available — McCain’s ACU rating was 65. That year, the ACU rating for the other senator from Arizona, Jon Kyl, was 97. Even Chuck Hagel’s ACU rating was 75, and Lindsey Graham’s was 83.
“Since 1998, only four Republican senators have had worse ACU scores than John McCain”
I have yet to hear the liberals say a bad thing about McCain- that’s a bad sign
You said it all very well, and humorously as usual. I pretty much agree with all, except that I don’t think that Hillary will get the dem nomination. Thanks for the smiles.
I read it twice and didn't catch them.
100% correct! Remember...you must not vote for McCain in November 2008. Stay home, or write-in a name. If he doesn’t agree with 100% of our narrow dogma, we cannot vote for him.
Best regards,
Barrack H. Obamacroft
Could have made the point without all those Creative Writing 101 verbal gymnastics.
Liebmann, what were you doing, rooting through Ann Coulter’s wastepaper basket?
Yep, that's the McCain I see.
hose=hold although maybe hose is appropriate.
Mr. Liebmann was writing when Ann was a twinkle in God’s eye.
I love you.
Leaving Brevity broken and bloodied every step of the way.
Man is McAztlan gonna be toast in November....
I think it will be close.
If its Obama...he will not win any of the sourthern states, including Florida. He will have major trouble in Ohio and Mo. McCain has a shot a Michigan, Wisconsin, PA and all of the western states Bush won.
Don’t count out McCain.
BTTT
I guess you don’t like McCain, huh?
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