Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Clemens Testimony (A Few Good Men parody)
NRO ^

Posted on 02/14/2008 10:59:51 AM PST by Republican Red

Clemens Testimony [Jonah Goldberg]

This is making the rounds on the web:

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.

Clemens: You want answers?

Congressman: I want the truth!

Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna do it? You? You,Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH, while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastall, slider, splitfinger...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Congressman: Did you order the HGH?

Clemens: You're gddamn right I did!!


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
Mid day chuckle
1 posted on 02/14/2008 10:59:55 AM PST by Republican Red
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

Comment #2 Removed by Moderator

To: Baynative

Let’s get to the Ritalin....a government sponsored (via public schools) drug!!


3 posted on 02/14/2008 11:03:44 AM PST by Sacajaweau ("The Cracker" will be renamed "The Crapper")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Republican Red

Pretty witty. Thanks!


4 posted on 02/14/2008 11:13:43 AM PST by FoxInSocks
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Republican Red

Why the hell doesn’t congress investigate the black tar heroine that high school kids are using instead of a few overated baesball players taking steroids. I would say it would involve a few more kids than they are worried about taking steroids.
What the hell is wrong with this country?


5 posted on 02/14/2008 11:14:45 AM PST by sweetiepiezer
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Republican Red

Why was Roger filming the Jets from the sidelines?


6 posted on 02/14/2008 11:17:06 AM PST by metesky ("Brethren, leave us go amongst them." Rev. Capt. Samuel Johnston Clayton - Ward Bond- The Searchers)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Republican Red

Now that’s funny —


7 posted on 02/14/2008 12:06:05 PM PST by Uncle Chip (TRUTH : Ignore it. Deride it. Allegorize it. Interpret it. But you can't ESCAPE it.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Republican Red

I thought HGH was the legal one. Steroids are illegal without a prescription.


8 posted on 02/14/2008 12:35:00 PM PST by Dilbert56 (Harry Reid, D-Nev.: "We're going to pick up Senate seats as a result of this war.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson