Posted on 01/20/2008 9:42:43 PM PST by Bear_Slayer
Now obviously I can't speak for every male, but I feel qualified to speak in general terms.
This is aimed at the married woman, but is applicable to the woman that is involved in a long term relationship.
Learn these things and you might get your relationship to last. Ignore them at your peril.
1. He is not your zit. Stop picking at him.
Women love to pick at zits. They'll sneak up on you while you're shaving and start squeezing. It's an annoying habit they can't break. They also do this emotionally and intellectually. This is done when they ask us silly questions like:
"Do you love me because you need me, our need me because you love me?"
The fact is we love you and need you. Beyond that, we have no idea. Some invisible rock hit us in the head one day and we realized we can't live without you, until you drive us insane, then we can't live with you.
Similar questions are along the lines of, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
The fact is, you have a big butt and your butt makes those pants look big. Another fact: we don't care. When the invisiable rock hit us, it didn't clue us in that you had a big butt; it simply made us aware of the fact, "Girl nice. Me like girl, lot."
I knew a woman once that had a big butt. She wasn't even the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, but the invisible rock was huge and I would have crawled through broken glass to be with her if she were single.
You have a big butt. Get over it. If you are constantly aware of your own big butt, you will make us constantly aware of it and you don't want that.
2. It's ok for him to compare you to his mother, as in, "That's not how my mother does it."
The fact is our mother is the only significant woman that ever loved us, until you came along. She fed, bathed, dress, nurtured, encouraged and loved us -- and we like how our mom made our potatos, cookies, &etc. Don't change the recipe. We like it that way. There is nothing Freudian about it.
3. Don't expect a deep relationship and don't try to draw us into meaningful conversations.
We're not comfortable exploring our inner feelings. Most guys don't trust their feelings and the smarter ones recognize that its their feelings that got them into the relationship in the first place.
Do you want a meaningful relationship? Go sip lattes with your friends and explore each other's cavernous feelings. It's a level you can all relate to and prop one another up.
4. Don't trust everything your girlfriend tells you.
Just because they read it in Redbook or Ms. does not make it so. Those magazines are written by women, for women, that grew up on Danielle Steele.
And don't ask us. We don't know and we're not that complicated anyways. If you simply watch us, without over-analyzing you'll figure us out. At a basic level we eat, we sleep, we copulate, and we play sports. Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily at different times.
5. You don't always have to be talking.
Men can communicate through subtle mechanisms. It's how we know when a woman likes us, or when the guy across the bar is looking for a fight, etc.
6. Don't make us carry you through life.
We're trying to get through it also. We'll be happy to stand in front and take some of the blows, but listen, carry your own baggage. We got our own to deal with.
Lastly,
When the big rock hit us, it really didn't matter what you looked like on the outside. Love is blind. We fell in love with the way your eyes twinkle when you smile. When you giggle when we say something silly or funny. And yes, even the way your breasts look in that tight sweater. However, none of that will matter ever again if you screw it up by driving us insane.
If you speak Latin this good my hat is off to you! You are awesome! My Latin is good, well, passable but not like yours! Congrats!
It has been floating around the internet for years.
Both men and women should close the toilet lid before flushing. If you flush with the lid up, a polluted plume of bacteria and water vapour erupts out of the flushing toilet bowl. The polluted water particles float for a few hours around your bathroom before they all land. Some of them will land on your towels and tooth brush.
Google “toilet flush bacteria.”
The irony in the women are evil ping list is that it is headed by a woman.
Not that I don’t like the toidy lid down, but I think MythBusters shot that one down.
You cheater you...;{)
But he's right. Most normal men seem to like ladies with curves. If my lady's bum is bigger than that of an anorexic 'supermodel', that's a good thing.
Believing this should be the case is probably why your relationship(s) have problems. No woman wants to hear about your momma, EVER. I mean EVER. Drop being a momma's boy and you'll have a much smoother ride.
I consider it ironic that your first rule is to tell her to not nag you, then you turn around and state, that rule doesn't apply to me when I bring my mommy into the conversation. Talking about your mom is nagging her in a bad way.
Like the CIA is headed by a former spy.....
You’re on.
There was an extrapolation of how many times the toilet is used in the down position and in the up position. Far more uses down (and in my family, the guys all go outside to pee on a tree, so it’s like 0 uses up).
I'm a lucky man, they get along and like each other.
Nothing beats a big booty, something to hold on in your hands, and some more.
Ah the good old days! LOL
My Mom and Dad were married for 54 Years.
When Mom died Dad followed within 2 months. He just seemed so lost without her.
Has she got a sister? ;)
That being said, our facilities are not in the same room with our sink. However, I will give this info to Mr. Goldfinch. :-)
I’m not going to give you heat about it, but I will say in defense of some crying women...sometimes we’re just built that way. I know I am. I’m not trying to be manipulative, but when I get angry, it just comes out. Believe me, I don’t want it to. It just does. And it isn’t just reserved for the man in my life. If it bothers men that women cry, perhaps they just shouldn’t let it bother them so much.
Ok.
I agree, in part, with your second paragraph. There are loser women just like guys. No matter what you do, you are wasting your time. They are usually pretty obvious in exhibiting their loserdom.
Heavy Metal, as in bands and gigs?
Ping wastedyears for that one.
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