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Hillary Insures Her Piano Legs for $10 Million
The Peoples Cube ^ | 10/12/07 | fit_to_print_news

Posted on 10/19/2007 7:35:31 AM PDT by laotzu

(LONDON) A decade-long rumor was confirmed today when it was announced that Hillary Clinton has insured her piano legs for $10 million with Lloyds of London. Until yesterday the public had only known of Hillary's piano legs through anecdotal evidence because no known pictures of them existed. For example, in March 2006 Chris Matthews of MSNBC's Hardball called Hillary, "Dukakis in a dress," and noted that she has better calves than former Democratic Presidential nominee Michael Dukakis.

Washington pundits speculate that Clinton has chosen this time to insure her legs because she expects Rudy Giuliani to emerge as her probable Republican rival in the Presidential race. Pictures of Rudy in a dress, taken when he appeared briefly as "the Don in a thong" on Broadway, regularly circulate on the internet and show what a Hillary spokesperson calls, "a very shapely set of gams."

Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic Party, expects Hillary to unveil her piano legs after she secures the Democratic nomination. He speculates that it will generate more buzz than when Hillary revealed her cleavage on the Senate floor this year in front of CSPAN cameras.

According to urbandictionary.com, a reference site widely used by urban hipsters, piano legs are "disproportionately thick calves and/or ankles on a woman with otherwise normal body weight." It also cites the Democratic presidential frontrunner in its example of proper usage of the phrase: "No wonder Hillary Clinton always wears pant suits. She's got a humongous set of piano legs."

Although Lloyds used their press release to heavily promote Hanes® new Hiphugger-High™ support panty hose, a product targeting the aging baby boom generation, they seemed delighted to underwrite a set of legs as famous as Hillary's. A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign would neither confirm nor deny Hillary's possible endorsement of the new Hanes product.

Clinton joins company with Betty Grable and Marlene Dietrich, two notables with million dollar legs underwritten by Lloyds. However, all three fall far short of Mariah Carey who insured her legs for $1 billion last year before embarking on an advertising campaign for Gillette.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: cankles; hillary; sarcasm; spoof
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1 posted on 10/19/2007 7:35:34 AM PDT by laotzu
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To: laotzu

I just called them “FAT”


2 posted on 10/19/2007 7:37:03 AM PDT by Zathras
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To: laotzu

If she had her ass insured, she’d have to have multiple coverages.


3 posted on 10/19/2007 7:37:11 AM PDT by Slapshot68
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To: laotzu
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
4 posted on 10/19/2007 7:39:47 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Slapshot68
If she had her ass insured, she’d have to have multiple coverages.

No it wouldn't. It would be comprehensive since she's all ass.

5 posted on 10/19/2007 7:40:43 AM PDT by P8riot (I carry a gun because I can't carry a cop.)
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To: laotzu

Hillary actually has a “Coke Bottle” figure..............3 Liter.................


6 posted on 10/19/2007 7:41:14 AM PDT by Red Badger ( We don't have science, but we have consensus.......)
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To: martin_fierro

In that middle picture she looks like Ethyl Mertz.............


7 posted on 10/19/2007 7:42:27 AM PDT by Red Badger ( We don't have science, but we have consensus.......)
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To: laotzu

I thought cankles were un-insurable?


8 posted on 10/19/2007 7:42:48 AM PDT by Rb ver. 2.0 (The WOT will end when pork products are weaponized)
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To: Slapshot68
If she had her ass insured, she’d have to have multiple coverages.

Not until she filed an Environmental Impact Study.

9 posted on 10/19/2007 7:44:44 AM PDT by AU72
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Comment #10 Removed by Moderator

To: laotzu

Didn’t I read somewhere that she wears corrective pantyhose? If not “corrective,” then I’m sure it was prescription pantyhose.


11 posted on 10/19/2007 7:53:58 AM PDT by laweeks
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To: Zathras

How about a satire tag on the headline?

I was not familiar with theat website, and with the loony headlines of today, who knows?


12 posted on 10/19/2007 7:59:27 AM PDT by Red in Blue PA (Truth : Liberals :: Kryptonite : Superman)
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To: laotzu
Did you hear about Hillary?
She is loathsome and shrillery!

Between her eyes, socialism lies.
Between her thighs ________ lies.

The blanks are to keep me from getting banned.
Sorry if someone has nightmares over the visual.

13 posted on 10/19/2007 8:00:59 AM PDT by HuntsvilleTxVeteran (Remember the Alamo, Goliad and WACO, It is Time for a new San Jacinto)
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To: Slapshot68
"If she had her ass insured, she’d have to have multiple coverages."


14 posted on 10/19/2007 8:01:25 AM PDT by vietvet67
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To: Slapshot68
If she had her ass insured, she’d have to have multiple coverages.

That's what we in the insurance business call "excess liability" coverage.

15 posted on 10/19/2007 8:03:45 AM PDT by andy58-in-nh (Kill the terrorists, secure the borders, and give me back my freedom.)
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To: Rb ver. 2.0
I thought cankles were un-insurable?

There must be an insurable interest before anything can be insured.
I don't know of anyone that is interested.

16 posted on 10/19/2007 8:09:12 AM PDT by laotzu
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To: Red in Blue PA
How about a satire tag on the headline?

See keywords below article.

17 posted on 10/19/2007 8:10:47 AM PDT by laotzu
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To: Slapshot68

Seriously, how much to you think Hillary weighs? 150lbs, 160lbs?


18 posted on 10/19/2007 8:11:16 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
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To: andy58-in-nh
That's what we in the insurance business call "excess liability" coverage.

Available in the Excess & Surplus market.

19 posted on 10/19/2007 8:12:19 AM PDT by laotzu
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To: Slapshot68
If she had her ass insured, she’d have to have multiple coverages, and if she tried to haul ass, she'd have to make multiple trips..
20 posted on 10/19/2007 8:13:07 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (DC scandals. Republicans address them, Democrats reelect them. (Tom De Lay 8/30/07))
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