Avoiding Kids: How Men Cope With Being Cast as Predators

Wall Street Journal ^ | September 6, 2007 | JEFF ZASLOW

[decimon]

These days, if Rian Romoli accidentally bumps into a child, he quickly raises his hands above his shoulders. "I don't want to give even the slightest indication that any inadvertent touching occurred," says Mr. Romoli, an economist in La Cañada Flintridge, Calif.

Ted Wallis, a doctor in Austin, Texas, recently came upon a lost child in tears in a mall. His first instinct was to help, but he feared people might consider him a predator. He walked away. "Being male," he explains, "I am guilty until proven innocent."

In San Diego, retiree Ralph Castro says he won't allow himself to be alone with a child -- even in an elevator.

Cont...

[Clint Williams]

Just read your last reply. Didn’t mean to beat the thing to death.

I'll try to get the Admin Gods to kill my response then. Sorry.

[Clint Williams]

We’ve buried the hatchet and reached an accord. Would you delete #219, please?

[decimon]

I'll try to get the Admin Gods to kill my response then. Sorry.

Not necessary. It's the nature of the forum that we talk past each other at times.

[Clint Williams]

And include #221, if you would, please.

FReepers reaching agreement on things -- a great precedent!

[Clint Williams]

Not necessary. It's the nature of the forum that we talk past each other at times.

Oh well.. the requests are submitted regardless.

Cheers!

[calex59]

I would go so far as to assert that the paranoia has negatively affected father daughter relationships, fathers keeping their distance lest affection be misinterpreted.

Geez, I hope you are wrong.

Nope, capitalist229 is NOT wrong about this. When my daughter was about 2 yo, my mother-in-law freaked out because she found out that my wife would leave her(my daughter)with me while she went somewhere alone. I was NOT to be trusted my own daughter, I was man. Tell me that isn't paranoid. This attitude is far to prevalent in today's society.

The same people on this thread who think it is wrong to accuse all blacks of the crimes of some, who think that we should not profile other criminals, think we should profile ALL men everywhere for the actions of a few.

I, too, a man who loves children and thinks they are God's gift to the world, stay as far away from other people's children as I can get, even those people I am good friends with and my close relatives. I am a man, nothing is more evil than men(especially white males) in today's America, and that is what the men on this thread are complaining about.

[Skywalk]

Remember that 60/40 cannot account for the large mass of unsolved killings of men.

Notice all those guys who came back from Iraq who got killed by their wives/partners?

And also note women are far more likely to hire someone to kill their partner and the victim (if anyone ever finds out) is more likely to go in the “multiple killer” category, which may skew numbers.

And if we catch people all the time trying to hire someone to kill their husband, then it only makes sense that we’re catching the most impatient or incompetent. There are likely a number of men who’ve been killed for other reasons that were actually done in by their wife’s request.

There was even a case that appeared on Dr. Baden’s show on HBO (Autopsy) where his further research proved the kid’s father was murdered by the wife.

As pointed out in the article that brought some of those numbers to light, men also often kill themselves after killing their partner and often the case involves tormented emotional outbursts and rage, whereas women poison and try to have their husbands killed and are far more cold about it and are more likely motivated by financial gain (insurance,etc.)

[Gumdrop]

Sounds like how the good Catholic priests have to act because of the scandals of a few.

[decimon]

When my daughter was about 2 yo, my mother-in-law freaked out because she found out that my wife would leave her(my daughter)with me while she went somewhere alone.

She might really freak if she realized how you and your wife came to have a daughter. :-)

[The KG9 Kid]

I’d rather do that than run or wait for the cops.

[VOA]

“Being male,” he explains, “I am guilty until proven innocent.”

Same approach I take as a single guy.

It’s a sad state of affairs. But in world when even school-teachers
are discouraged (even forbidden) contact with their students...
this is the sad, “unintended consequence”.

[durasell]

I’ll try to get the Admin Gods to kill my response then. Sorry.

---

Sure, and just let the “old durasell” stuff stand.

[decimon]

Sounds like how the good Catholic priests have to act because of the scandals of a few.

Professions, if you will, that give people access to children not their own are bound to attract some with pedophile tendencies. I think the churches, schools, etc. should take the responsibility of minimizing the opportunities to abuse children.

[decimon]

Sure, and just let the “old durasell” stuff stand.

Wasn't that me, jokingly?

[TChad]

Thanks for the information. The Department of Justice stats are apparently high quality, not the usual feminist garbage. The problem is that they don't appear to provide a specific answer to my question, and I have looked.

I want good quality statistics that permit someone to make a reasonable estimate of the risk presented by a stranger. What are the odds that a particular stranger is a child molester? Some people act as if the odds are quite high, say 50% or more, and I think that is ridiculous.

The same statistic for rapists would be good to have, too.

This is the sort of thing that a statistician could surely do with the DOJ stats, but so far as I know, it has not been done.

[Gabz]

I just finished reading through this entire thread.........what a sad state of affairs we have to cause such “fear” in otherwise perfectly normal men.

I see it in my own husband when our daughter has friends over.

[TChad]

Good questions but my understanding is that molesters are far more likely to be familiar than to be strangers. Makes sense when you consider who can gain access to the kids.

That is another statistic I would like to see. What are the odds that sweet old uncle Bob is really a molester? That would be the sort of information that people could actually use to determine an appropriate level of concern for their kids. It would be a vast improvement over the usual THOUSAND OF KIDS MOLESTED! IS YOUR CHILD NEXT? reportage, that promotes misandry and unjustified fear.

[art_rocks]

How reliable are the statistics today? Especially spousal or child abuse by the father. I know it happens, but how many false claims of abuse are made by the mother on advice of her lawyer when a couple divorces so the mother gets the upper hand in court.

The problem with the sexaul registry is you don’t the seriousness of the crime. No doubts that a child molestor needs to be on the registry, but what about some dumb college/high school streaker mooner.

[rlmorel]

No...the VAST majority, no...OVERWHELMING majority of men do not abuse men.

Just because some women are absolute bitches, well then they ALL must be, and men must be cautioned to avoid them, is that it?

[art_rocks]

What’s sad is ten years ago, I was a LT at Fort Lewis. I had a single mother i knew say I should try for the Big Brother program. I would have done but was expecting to PCS soon. Today, I would never consider joining the program.