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Climate change behind Duke rape case: UN's Ban [SATIRE]
Charleston Gazette Forums ^ | June 18, 2007 | Keli Kilohana

Posted on 06/18/2007 5:56:47 AM PDT by Keli Kilohana

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon said that the Duke rape case fiasco was triggered by global climate change and that more such rapes may be on the horizon, in an article published Saturday.

"The Duke rape case began as an ecological crisis, arising at least in part from climate change," Ban said in a Washington Post opinion column.

UN statistics showed that rainfall had declined some 40 percent over the past two decades, he said, as a rise in temperatures disrupted the North Carolina rain season. "It is no accident that the rape in Duke erupted during the drought," Ban said in the Washington daily.

When there was enough rain, he said, black field workers made a good living. But when Global Warming began to affect the rainfall in the Duke area, wealthy field workers like Crystal Mangum were driven to find other jobs—sometimes prostitution.

"For the first time in memory, there was no longer enough food and water for Crystal’s children. So, being a good mother, she became an exotic dancer.”.

The UN must stop Global Warming, he said, so that more than two million people exotic dancers may return to the more lucrative work in the fields.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: ban; mangum; nifong; un
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If only Boosh had signed the Kyoto Protocol, Nifong would not be in this mess either.
1 posted on 06/18/2007 5:56:53 AM PDT by Keli Kilohana
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To: Keli Kilohana

This is from The Onion, right?

This guy can’t be serious...


2 posted on 06/18/2007 5:59:45 AM PDT by iceskater
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To: Keli Kilohana

It makes about as much sense as anything else the Left and that gang that runs the U.N. have to say.


3 posted on 06/18/2007 6:00:04 AM PDT by Savage Beast (A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.~Durant)
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To: Keli Kilohana

Okay...so this is satire, right?


4 posted on 06/18/2007 6:03:27 AM PDT by Oberon (What does it take to make government shrink?)
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To: Keli Kilohana

Since this was a “fake” rape does that mean that global warming is “fake” as well????

Hmmmmmmmm....makes me think.....


5 posted on 06/18/2007 6:04:10 AM PDT by nevergore ("It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.")
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To: Oberon

Trim back this guy’s kimchee ration, quick.


6 posted on 06/18/2007 6:04:30 AM PDT by Eric in the Ozarks (BTUs are my Beat.)
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To: Oberon
Okay...so this is satire, right?

The sad thing is that the left has grown so deranged that we can tell the parody from the real thing.

7 posted on 06/18/2007 6:05:46 AM PDT by Smedley (It's a sad day for American capitalism when a man can't fly a midget on a kite over Central Park)
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To: Keli Kilohana
It was on the Drudge site where this guy blamed Darfur on global warming.
John Bolton, where are you man ?
The lunatics are running the asylum.
8 posted on 06/18/2007 6:06:25 AM PDT by IrishMike ( What happens when aliens breed with sheep ? - Democrats)
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To: Keli Kilohana
The drought is not the fault of global warming. The fault lies with Texas. Texas has stolen all NC’s rain. Bush and Rove are from Texas and when the storm systems pass over Texas they are extracting all the moisture here. I have developed webbed toes from all the rain and my dogs have started to quack. so, as usual, it’s Bush’s fault.
9 posted on 06/18/2007 6:07:28 AM PDT by Ditter
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To: Keli Kilohana

I enjoy reading good satire. but this guy isn’t very good; at all. First of all, it’s not funny.


10 posted on 06/18/2007 6:10:08 AM PDT by SeaHawkFan
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To: IrishMike
John Bolton, where are you man ?

Megabump! Sadly, I can't even tell you who our representative to the UN is since John left.
11 posted on 06/18/2007 6:12:24 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Oberon

I’m still trying to track down more on this story.
I did find this one, though. Sounds like we may
have a real cook at the U.N. helm.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=070616212708.ymevxrx6&show_article=1&catnum=0


12 posted on 06/18/2007 6:12:54 AM PDT by Grendel9
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To: Liberty Valance

I’ve asked several liberals what they hated so much about John Bolton. None of them seemed to know why they hated him, only that they did.


13 posted on 06/18/2007 6:16:04 AM PDT by cripplecreek (Greed is NOT a conservative ideal.)
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To: Keli Kilohana
When there was enough rain, he said, black field workers made a good living. But when Global Warming began to affect the rainfall in the Duke area, wealthy field workers like Crystal Mangum were driven to find other jobs—sometimes prostitution. Is this a joke? Please tell me this is a joke.
14 posted on 06/18/2007 6:17:07 AM PDT by kalee (The offenses we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we write in marble. JHuett)
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To: Ditter

“The drought is not the fault of global warming. The fault lies with Texas.”

Good one.

Now please tell them to turn it off. I’m a native Texan and not accustomed to getting wet in the summer.


15 posted on 06/18/2007 6:17:53 AM PDT by Mrs.Z
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To: Keli Kilohana
Channel surfing yesterday afternoon, I happened to stop on The Weather Channel (for about 2 minutes). They had a full program on Global Warming, with mention of Kyoto, Kerry vs Gingrich, Gore, etc.

They are buying this fraud, and they are trying to re-sell it to their viewership.

Why? Grants. This topic is getting funds for grants from the US government, from the EU, from the UN. Even Homeland Security Department is making available $$millions in grants to study Global Warming. Grants become lucrative endeavors.

It was Global Cooling in the 70s. It has been Global Warming for a while. And when Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate, they call it Global Climate Change. [Mother Nature has been been changing climate, twice a year, for eons. It slowly gets cold — it’s called winter. It slowly gets hot — it’s called summer.]

16 posted on 06/18/2007 6:19:13 AM PDT by TomGuy
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To: Keli Kilohana

“For the first time in memory, there was no longer enough food and water for Crystal’s children. So, being a good mother, she became an exotic dancer.”.

“The UN must stop Global Warming,” he said, “so that more than two million people exotic dancers may return to the more lucrative work in the fields.”

Too funny; the sad thing is that many on left would actually believe something like this.


17 posted on 06/18/2007 6:19:53 AM PDT by HereInTheHeartland (Never bring a knife to a gun fight, or a Democrat to do serious work...)
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To: Keli Kilohana

Wow. And we thought Kofi Annan was an embarrassment. The UN ambassadors should all be wearing burkhas to hide their faces.


18 posted on 06/18/2007 6:21:10 AM PDT by DustyMoment (FloriDUH - proud inventors of pregnant/hanging chads and judicide!!)
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To: Mrs.Z

You must not be a native to the Gulf coast, because this is normal.


19 posted on 06/18/2007 6:22:02 AM PDT by Ditter
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To: cripplecreek

The ONLY reason libs need to hate someone is that the someone is not a lib.


20 posted on 06/18/2007 6:22:11 AM PDT by Pharmboy ([She turned me into a] Newt! in '08)
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