Posted on 05/11/2007 9:18:14 PM PDT by teldon30
One of the more delicate areas I dealt with while running a dating service for more than two decades was the issue of race, and more specifically racial stereotyping by prospective members.
Stereotyping in itself is a volatile issue, and at some point during intake interviews, I often repeated the phrase “While there is some truth to all stereotypes, there are certainly many exceptions to every single one.”
However, when one is dealing with a sample of more than 20,000 single, divorced, and widowed men and women, I feel confident and comfortable making certain statements in a column titled The Truth about Dating.
Yet I was still hesitant to write this column, until a reader sent me an article from The New York Times, in which the author, John Tierney, published a story about racial preferences in the dating world.
Moreover, the article cited a study titled Racial Preferences in Dating that documented the preferences of more than 400 participants in speed dating sessions at Columbia University. A quick reading of both the Times article and the Columbia study seemed to support my own anecdotal findings.
(Unfortunately while reading the Columbia study I was overcome by the academic verbiage that authors of such studies feel compelled to use. Do they teach “Boring Writing 101” at Ivy League institutions of higher learning? I found it impossible to read more than a few pages without getting a headache. Here is a sample sentence: “Rates of inter-racial marriages thus capture both preferences and socio-geographic segregation.” Huh?)
Anyway, here is what I found in 23 years of interviewing singles, and I will attempt to communicate in my best “non-academic” language. When we interviewed prospective members, we always asked what their preferences were in terms of meeting people of different races.
Overall, women of most races preferred to meet men of their own race. Most Caucasian women wanted only to meet Caucasian men, the exceptions being women who were more educated and well-traveled, who considered themselves somewhat “worldly.”
Of all the races, African-American women were the most insistent about wanting to meet only African-American men. But most of those women excluded black men who had recently moved to New England from Africa or the Caribbean.
The one major exception to the finding that women wanted to meet men of their own race was Asian women, a vast majority of whom stated that they strongly preferred meeting non-Asian men.
The primary explanation offered by most Asian women was that they wanted to be matched with tall men, and they insisted that practically all of the Asian men they knew were short. But when I would ask if they would be willing to meet an Asian man if he were tall, most would simply shake their head and say they would rather not.
And what about Indian women? To be honest the sample of Indian women who joined my dating service more than 23 years was too small to determine any general statements about them.
As for men, overall they were far more open to meeting women of other races. In fact, and I find this especially interesting, the race of women most in demand were, you guessed it, Asian women. Therefore, almost all of the Asian women in my dating service had a very high Dating Quotient.
When I asked men to explain their preferences for Asian women, many shrugged and admitted they were just extremely attracted to them. But I also believe that many of these men, consciously or subconsciously, wanted to meet women who fit the stereotype of the submissive “Geisha girl,” whose primary purpose is to entertain and please men.
Interestingly enough, though, most of the Asian women we interviewed could not have had personalities more opposite than that passive stereotype. Many had Ph.Ds., M.D.s, or law degrees, and were extremely assertive. (Especially when I tried in vain to persuade them to consider meeting Asian men!)
Unfortunately for African-American women, most of the African-American men who joined stated a strong preference for meeting either white or Asian women. Many expressed the identical view, “I don’t have to join a dating service to meet women of my own race.”
The two groups of men who were the most difficult to match (and therefore had the lowest DQ) were Asian men and Indian men. Like African men, this was especially true of Asian and Indian men who had grown up overseas and relocated to New England, usually to pursue careers either in computer science or medicine. In a few cases I could persuade women to meet men of different races, IF the men were totally “Americanized.”
Of course Asian men were difficult to match because, as I previously stated, the one group of women who did not want to meet men of their own race was Asian women.
As for Indian men, they were the hardest people to match of any group of men or women of any race. And, with so many Indian men moving into the Boston area for jobs in high tech, rarely a week passed without several inquiries from men from India or Pakistan.
One reason they were difficult to match is that only a handful of Indian women joined over the decades, compared to hundreds of Indian or Pakistani men. But another is that many women, even the self-described “worldly” ones, expressed the stereotypical belief that Indian men had antiquated views of women.
To some extent, these women were correct. For example, of all the men I spoke with who wanted to meet women much younger than themselves, the largest group was, in fact, Indian men. Many told me that it was quite common back “home” for men to date and marry women at least a decade younger than themselves. And they wondered why they could not do the same here … which further lowered their DQ.
So that is the story from my own anecdotal experiences. Again, I am sure there are exceptions to every statement I made in this column. On the other hand, if you want “scientific” proof of what I am stating, just Google and download a copy of Columbia University’s Racial Preferences in Dating study.
But I suggest that if you do, make sure you have a bottle of aspirin nearby.
And no saying something like “Asian women are better than American women” does not make me feel better.
Which is why he immediately dumped her. BTW, did it happen to you?
Believe me, I have no tenderness on this issue. I know that I am not like the American women you hate so much. But you are being too stereo-typical - as evidenced by your “the women in my party don’t act like that” remark. Obviously you have had some very bad experiences with American women. Just accept the fact that they aren’t all like that but date/marry whomever you want.
It always comes back to you being the victim doesn’t it. Not that it could be you inability to form an argument and make a point.
BTW, I am very familiar with my political party. And again, I don’t have any bad experiences with American women. I’ve said many times here I am very attracted to them. I do well with women.
If I remember correctly, the women and the stabee stayed in a torrid relationship around their child for the time I knew her. He did press charges on the stabbing.
“It always comes back to you being the victim doesn’t it. Not that it could be you inability to form an argument and make a point.”
WOW. And I thought you could read.
Tenderness...is so telling.
I guess you missed us Irish/German/Polish ladies....LOL
Oh great one - please tell us why “women are more screwed up than men” since you know everything and I am nothing but a bitter, tender, stupid American woman who is incapable of making an argument.
Look, don’t get down on yourself.
If you need to start the conservation over again, reread the posts.
Living well is the best revenge don’t ya know.
You said my explanation of what was wrong with modern American women was ridiculous - so I want to know your explanation.
I do live well, thanks :)
Glad to hear it.
True. But most women in Southern California don’t follow that advice. We have a cult of the outdoors here. I think the ladies would rather follow this cult than look good for their husbands, or anyone else.
Your comment reminded me of a cartoon I read yesterday. A woman asks her friend, "What is the most important thing for you in a relationship?"
The friend answers, "Trust. As in trust fund."
(I'm a woman, BTW, so it's OK to laugh.)
I recently read that Moslem women raised & educated in the West are having trouble finding husbands. They become too assertive for their men, who go back to their native Middle East lands to find the appropriately simple & obedient wives.
My guess is that all women, of all races or nationalities, who grow up in the West will share the same problem. They become too sophisticated for many of the men.
I don’t blame you one bit for preferring Asian women.
They are more gracious, graceful, intelligent, humble, confident, diligent, disciplined and feminine.
That’s why my husband’s favorite eatery is a local Japanese restaurant.
The waitresses are always happy to see us and the food is consistently good.
I think he would’ve been much happier with an Asian wife.
Amercan women pale in comparison. It’s just a fact.
“The vast majority of the electorate is white (77%) and middle income or above (85%).”
So how do you think the 20 million illegal invaders will allign politically once they are given citizenship?
Around 70% of latinos vote democrat, why would you expect that to change?
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