I’m not Jewish, but in the row home neighborhood that I grew up in, the women saw to it that the family didn’t have to attend to the daily chores. Meals, laundry, house cleaning, grass cutting, etc were assigned and accomplished. While not exactly shiva, it allowed the family to concentrate on their loss. We don’t have that anymore and I think it’s a shame.
Well stated. Thank you. There is alot of wisdom in your post and Dennis’.
My Father passed away last year, and it is just now that the emotions are bubbling up, which I feel is a direct result of my well-meaning family’s unintentional suppression of my reaction to the event.
Dennis is correct.
These clowns that profess to be leaders are nothing but referees wearing a PC patch on their sleeve.
I agree with this, and not only in an event such as this. It is unfortunate that in modern times, when we feel bad, the response is to try to deny or fight the feelings. Pain and suffering exists for a reason, and not just to be run from.
Great, as if the people in one building weren’t enough of a target, this dick is going to put all the students in a stadium the day following the massacre! The man is an idiot (not had to believe considering it’s a university).
Sometimes these things happen in bunches; good procedure would to break for a while. It seems more and more this moron is about putting it apast him so he can forget about it, let alone not having to disrupt the university's schedule.
I can’t believe stupid people are put in positions of authority but I see it everywhere, particularly in Universities and government. We need to stop supporting institutions that have a policy of failure!
Great article, and great post from you. Dennis is the best!
Let the healing begin. We’ll bring in as many grief counsellors as necessary, and if we aren’t getting the results we need, we’ll offer them overtime and a bonus for early completion.
We may have to subcontract to outside firms to get the proven expertise we need, and if we are going to bid this competitively, we need to move quickly. In the interest of time we may have to consider no-bid contracts, but we want to make sure we are good stewards with the public money.
We are considering some grief specialist firms in Bangalore, who are prepared to offer economical grief reduction over broadband. We just make sure our target demographic has access to the appropriate links, and we can service this need quickly and efficiently. I attach a sample e-brochure in pdf for your review.
Seriously, I didn’t know anyone who was killed on 911, but if I’m forced to focus on that day my eyes still well up with tears.
I’m not planning to get over it. Not ever.
If you suffer a real loss, it is my belief that you don’t get over it. You learn to live around your loss, but you don’t get over it. You shouldn’t expect to.
...”We have embraced emotion-numbing, righteous-rage-denying, morally neutered, therapeutic language. It is as as much a part of our national crisis as are the acts of evil we refuse to identify as such”...
Yes! Physical wounds have to go through an inflamation process brought about by the human immune system before healing can occur. I believe the sadness and grief we experience during times of crisis are a part of our “emotional inflamation process,” equally as important to our emotional and psychological healing as our immune system is for our physical healing. Any effort which causes individuals to suppress the expression of emotional pain in response to terrible events is doing a great injustice to the sufferer.
Thank you for posting this article, and thank you for your words. My father died In January, and I have bad dreams every night I can remember them. Before the funeral, the minister said he wanted it to be happy (or words to that effect) - my brothers nodded. I walked out of the church office...
Also, the grief counseling. I live in Pittsburgh and I couldn't believe that the University of Pennsylvania is offering grief counseling to students troubled by the events in Blacksburg, VA. Like Prager said, it's not about the students in Pennsylvania or elsewhere.
Then I left KDKA on while I went back to sleep and awoke to a maniac talking on and on about post traumatic stress syndrome. It was Dr. Phil on the CBS morning show and once you get that guy started, he doesn't stop.
Having said that, to all those directed affected by this murderous man (the Asian, not Dr. Phil), my prayers are with them that God will spread his merciful arms around them, allow them to grieve in His arms and to have true support to comfort them.
“The Jewish tradition, still observed even by non-Orthodox Jews, is to sit “shiva” (seven) days and do nothing but mourn and receive visitors after the death of an immediate relative. One does not have to be a religious Jew or even a Jew to appreciate this ancient wisdom. “
True for Jews and any other human being!
“It is not good for people to feign normalcy immediately after the loss of a loved one. People who have not been allowed, or not allowed themselves, time to grieve suffer later on. Any child who loses a parent and is “protected” from grieving by a well-intentioned parent who tries to act “normal” right after the other parent’s death is likely to pay a steep psychological price.”
I was not able to articulate my concerns about Bindi, Stever Irwins daughter as well as this but he sums it up for me. It is UNHEALTHY for Bindi - what she is doing now ... and she WILL pay the price later for NOT having a time to grieve and have a NORMAL childhood.
Word!