I Miss Iraq. I Miss My Gun. I Miss My War.

MSN ^ | Brian Mockenhaupt

[Number57]

A few months ago, I found a Web site loaded with pictures and videos from Iraq, the sort that usually aren't seen on the news. I watched insurgent snipers shoot American soldiers and car bombs disintegrate markets, accompanied by tinny music and loud, rhythmic chanting, the soundtrack of the propaganda campaigns. Video cameras focused on empty stretches of road, building anticipation. Humvees rolled into view and the explosions brought mushroom clouds of dirt and smoke and chunks of metal spinning through the air. Other videos and pictures showed insurgents shot dead while planting roadside bombs or killed in firefights and the remains of suicide bombers, people how they're not meant to be seen, no longer whole. The images sickened me, but their familiarity pulled me in, giving comfort, and I couldn't stop. I clicked through more frames, hungry for it. This must be what a shot of dope feels like after a long stretch of sobriety. Soothing and nauseating and colored by everything that has come before. My body tingled and my stomach ached, hollow. I stood on weak legs and walked into the kitchen to make dinner. I sliced half an onion before putting the knife down and watching slight tremors run through my hand. The shakiness lingered. I drank a beer. And as I leaned against this kitchen counter, in this house, in America, my life felt very foreign.

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!

[FreedomPoster]

Great book, highly recommended to all who haven't read it.

[\/\/ayne]

What a great story and well written, as noted by others. My service was non-combat but I'll never forget the time a bullet zinged close over my head in high school! (There was some kind of altercation in the parking lot.) I think something happens with adrenaline that helps retain memory, so traumatic times in our life are more clear. With more adrenline pumping memories the "bar" is set higher. Yet there can still be peace.

God bless the combat soldiers who fight and have fought for America. We can't have the same feeling, of course, but we can understand up to a certain point, and honor their service. This passage helps me through troubled times of violent memories, though the context is about arguments.

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

[Centurion2000]

You can't go back. You want to, but you can't.

Yeah .... when you realize that it's also the first time you feel OLD. At least I did and I was only 33 when I felt it.

[Cannoneer No. 4]

You're an expat, now. You're ruined for the stateside 9-5 rat race.

I think I'm going to miss the sense of mission accomplishment I get out here; the knowledge that what I do or fail to do is actually significant.

One Team, One Fight.

[Allegra]

You're an expat, now. You're ruined for the stateside 9-5 rat race.

True. I thought I'd look forward to having weekends and all of that, but I just got bored. And I thoroughly enjoy being a part of this mission. The work we do actually does more than just line the pockets of some CEO and that matters so much.

Most of my ex-pat friends feel the same way you and I do. It gets in your blood and you just can't get it out.

[Maigrey]

ping for later

[archy]

This writer is more than a soldier.

He is a wordsmith.

I would read anything he ever wrote.

He's a smart writer, Laz. He's writing for an audience who appreciates him, and what he says.

[Brucifer]

Hwaet? LOL

Like the birds, we fly into the mead hall and are surrounded by friends, stories, and warmth. Then when we fly out, to where, we know not.

When in doubt... terrify the Eruli (or the earls), and knock over their benches.

I saw a young lady at school today. She was in ROTC, but prior service and wearing a Combat Medic Badge. I just can't describe what I felt. It was a good thing I was holding a cup of coffee, or my hands would have been shaking. I never saw that one coming.

[tet68]

folks generally latch on to one aspect of it, and think they understand the rest. Those are the hardest to talk to, because they think they get it, but they don't.


A poetic interlude from 1968.

"I know", she said.
"I know", He said.
Together they said, "WE KNOW!".

Then I said, "Don't tell me, I'm not HERE,
I'm in VIETNAM BABY!"

[nicotinefiend]

bookmark

[EODGUY]

I was just going through some old texts and FBI Bomb Data Center Bulletins from years ago and you are absolutely correct. I lied about my age when I was in the military to get into bars, but unfortunately, I couldn't fool Stevie Wonder to be allowed back into the military to perform the tasks that brought every brain cell I had to its apex......Render Safe Procedures on IEDs and Explosive Ordnance Disposal.

I miss it very much. As my T-shirt says, "There is no human problem that cannot be solved by the use of the appropriate amount of high explosives."

God bless our EOD personnel and Bomb Techs.


EODGUY

[Eagle Eye]

Thanks for the Ping!

I live in a very military area. Many of the schools fly military service flags along with the state flag and national colors.

I've had more than one session with friends, new and old, that all did time 'over there' and every damn one of them misses it to some degree.

What is it about the adrenaline that makes you feel more alive than anything else you've ever done?

What is it about doing something that is actually so meaningful in many ways and at many levels?

Dang....took me over three months to sleep through the night again, or to even sleep somewhat normally.

Took almost a year before I wasn't glued to the TV about anything that happend over there, wondering what Dave, Phil, Steve, Art and the rest were doing at that time.

LOL...and then here's this article and old feelings return.

Thanks...and I mean it!

[SauronOfMordor]

One additional thing about being in war: when you come home you are no longer somebody who is that easy to push around.

Notice that the black civil rights era really began in the 50's and 60's, after Truman desegregated the military, and more blacks came home with combat experience in Korea and Vietnam. When you've had people shooting at you with machineguns and lobbing grenades at you, it's harder to be impressed by some yokel in a sheet

[Brucifer]

I've made the same point to my classes a number of times. After you spent your time in hard places the old rules don't mean too much anymore.

And there's another side too. When people got back to the World a lot of guys realized that they weren't willing to wear some white sheet just because that's the way it had always been. When you've seen that everybody bleeds red and that you're all in the shit together... well what somebody's granddaddy did to somebody else's grandpa in the past doesn't mean too much any more. A lot of people had the scales fall from their eyes.

[Chgogal]

A must read.

[Chgogal]

It was being on the threshold each and every day. It was facing the threshold each and every day.

[SoldierDad]

Hi Chgogal. I received a phone call from Robert this morning. His troop had a near miss a few days ago from a roadside bomb. Two vehicles in front of his passed by the location, and then the bomb went off just after his passed it. They sustained only minor damage to the rear of their vehicle (thank God). My wife actually found out about the incident from a friend of Robert's who read a bulletin Robert posted on his webpage and sent my wife an email about it. She was not too happy that Robert posted that for others to see, but did'nt bother to call us about it.

I'll check out this story, thanks for the ping.

[Chgogal]

: )

[SoldierDad]

Evening Allegra. I hope all is well with you. Robert and his crew had a near miss from an IED a few days ago. The blast caused some minor damage to the rear of their vehicle as it was detonated after they had passed the main blast zone. No injuries from it. Still, quite disturbing for his mother and I.