I Miss Iraq. I Miss My Gun. I Miss My War.

MSN ^ | Brian Mockenhaupt

[Number57]

A few months ago, I found a Web site loaded with pictures and videos from Iraq, the sort that usually aren't seen on the news. I watched insurgent snipers shoot American soldiers and car bombs disintegrate markets, accompanied by tinny music and loud, rhythmic chanting, the soundtrack of the propaganda campaigns. Video cameras focused on empty stretches of road, building anticipation. Humvees rolled into view and the explosions brought mushroom clouds of dirt and smoke and chunks of metal spinning through the air. Other videos and pictures showed insurgents shot dead while planting roadside bombs or killed in firefights and the remains of suicide bombers, people how they're not meant to be seen, no longer whole. The images sickened me, but their familiarity pulled me in, giving comfort, and I couldn't stop. I clicked through more frames, hungry for it. This must be what a shot of dope feels like after a long stretch of sobriety. Soothing and nauseating and colored by everything that has come before. My body tingled and my stomach ached, hollow. I stood on weak legs and walked into the kitchen to make dinner. I sliced half an onion before putting the knife down and watching slight tremors run through my hand. The shakiness lingered. I drank a beer. And as I leaned against this kitchen counter, in this house, in America, my life felt very foreign.

[corlorde]

Awesome, thank you.

I miss the military myself, and if I started walking again, I'd head straight to the recruiter's office.

[U S Army EOD]

I miss the old EOD stuff, probably the only "high" that I have ever been on in my life.

[ArrogantBustard]

McCarthy misses the war just the same. He saved Wells's life, pressing a bandage over the hole in his head. Now he's delivering construction materials to big hotel projects along the beach in South Carolina, waiting for a police department to process his application. "The monotony is killing me," he told me, en route to deliver some rebar. "I want to go on a raid. I want something to blow up. I want something to change today." He wants the unknown. "Anything can happen, and it does happen. And all of the sudden your world is shattered, and everything has changed. It's living dangerously. You're living on the edge. And you're the baddest motherf**ker around."

With all due respect, he needs to get that out of his system before he joins the police department. Civilian law enforcement is NOT war.

[archy]

A war is never over until the last man (or woman) that was there goes to Heaven. WW1 is almost over.

I am reliably informed that the Vikings believed that so long as anyone on this mudball recalled the deeds and frequent heroism of their warriors, their spirits lived on to enjoy the pleasures of feast and drink in valhalla the Hall of the Fallen, that being one reason why the lyric poets and skaald sonmgsmiths retold of those noble acts with words and music. And eventually, when those Spirits dimmed and wafted away, it was to Go Beyond all that to reunite with the familiar spirits of the family and kin of their earlier lives. Ignorant pagan superstition? Maybe, but it worked for them, and if there's not any factual basis for it, there should be.

Hrist ok Mist
vil ek at mér horn beri,
Skeggjöld ok Skögul,
Hildr ok Þrúðr,
Hlökk ok Herfjötur,
Göll ok Geirahöð,
Randgríð ok Ráðgríð
ok Reginleif.
Þær bera einherjum öl.

[archy]

I miss the old EOD stuff, probably the only "high" that I have ever been on in my life.

Concur.

[300winmag]

We won't be lionized the WWII vets, won't vanish like Korean vets, and won't linger darkly in the public imagination like Vietnam vets.

WWII will go down as the only "good war" in our history for a number of reasons.

First, for its world-wide scope. Second, because it hit us "out of the blue" like 911 did, despite clear warnings on the horizon for those not blind.

But liberals love it because we were "allies" with Stalin, and because almost the entire society was reordered by the government towards the war effort. Socialists love the idea of a regimented society taking orders from on high, even it we weren't in a war for our very survival. So everything about it makes it the only "good" war they'll ever own up to.

Through the Hobbit Hole's troop support activity, I've had the privilege of chatting by email with a couple thousand troops, from stateside desk jockeys to a few who later died in combat. It was my privilege to learn all the new stuff that has changed since I was in in 1970. We have given away knives, binoculars, radios, first aid gear, breaching equipment, flashlights, helmet upgrades, and just about anything else within our budget that we could legally send through the mail.

The guiding principle was, "would I trust my life with that piece of equipment?". That, in turn, led me to gain a better understand of what the grunt, truck driver, or pilot needed or wanted. Except for the set of chef's knives we sent to an Army mess sergeant. I depended on a buddy's recommendation for that.

There are hundreds of support organizations out there that do a lot more than just put a magnetic ribbon on their cars. It's not like being there, but it's a way to choose to be more connected. Our troops have earned that much from us, as they have in every other war, even if the war doesn't have the liberal seal of approval.

[Redleg Duke]

You nailed it there. My Grandpa was in the Argonne Forest. I was the only relative he ever confided in.

[gatorbait]

GOD YES!

[Lazamataz]

This writer is more than a soldier.

He is a wordsmith.

I would read anything he ever wrote.

[Constitution Day]

to read later.

[AnAmericanMother]

Well, there ya go.

I was sort of a special case, because although I was never in the service our family is bristling with servicemen all the way back to the French & Indian War . . . and everybody knew I was majoring in military history and writing a thesis on the WBTS, and reading the original letters home from our family members who fought there.

So I heard more than most kids my age did, who weren't in. Had relatives from WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam tell me their experiences, and I must have developed a receptive demeanor because people still tell me about what they saw when they saw the elephant. I listen, I nod, and I try to understand. Even somebody who wasn't there can realize, over time and hearing many of these stories, that war is a unique, life-changing experience that can be unbelievably awful in spots but also unbelievably wonderful. My dad, who saw combat in N. Africa and Italy, kind of summed it up for me -- "You know, all in all it was not a bad time and place to be."

[ArrogantBustard]

Lots of people have strong feelings for or against Iraq, and practically none of them understand it. It's far more complex than many people realize, and folks generally latch on to one aspect of it, and think they understand the rest. Those are the hardest to talk to, because they think they get it, but they don't.

You and your brethren are in a unique position to change that, and I believe there are plenty of patriotic Americans who would be happy to listen and learn. (Yes, I read the rest of the sentence.) What, when, and where you say anything is your call ... but if you think nobody wants to listen ... think again.

Thank you, and God bless you.

[AFPhys]

It's far more complex than many people realize, and folks generally latch on to one aspect of it, and think they understand the rest. Those are the hardest to talk to, because they think they get it, but they don't.

Iraqi vets are an interesting bunch. We're probably on track to be like the WWI vets. Good friends from an unpopular war, close knit, and not really talking about it years later. "
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Thanks for your little screed. Thank you, and all your mates, for serving us, and our country. Rest assured though, some of us realize that we only comprehend a little of what occurs ... and respect you all the more for that reason. I hope we have a continuing conversation about this in the future. I believe this will prove in the end to be more a "controversial" war, than an "unpopular" war, and that you will always have people like me in your corner defending you and what we have done in Iraq. I also strongly believe that history will find more and more people jumping on the bandwagon saying "I always supported Iraq - even before 2008 when it was not popular to do so" as I believe that in five years this will be evaluated to have been a very successful engagement.

[Allegra]

I really dread coming home and looking for work and trying to explain to potential employers where I've been and what I've done and feigning enthusiasm for the machts nix penny ante BS they think is important.

Yes, it changes you in ways you never expected.

I tried to stay home for good in '05 and found myself bored beyond belief and feeling like a fish out of water.

I'm going to have to deal with that eventually, though. (Sigh...)

[AFPhys]

For old warriors, there is a place somewhere between sanity and insanity - there is another region of the mind most folks don't know of or have to hide from...

...Too many Americans were and are not worth the cost of their misspent freedom. That is one of the saddest aspects of America having lost so many who were worth so much -- for so many who are worthless.
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Thanks for writing this. God keep you safe. Thank you for your service for me, my family, and our country.

[Allegra]

Thank you for your service.

[R. Scott]

Not hard to understand.
When I returned from Viet Nam I found Crawford County, Pennsylvania incredibly boring while on leave. Stateside duty wasn’t much better. Fortunately I was quickly sent to Okinawa and found that running a boat in a typhoon was pretty exciting. When I returned to the States a Harley almost made up for the humdrum existence in a peacetime Army.

[M Kehoe]

Powerful stuff...

Yep, and it doesn't go away.

5.56mm

[Centurion2000]

That's a powerful post and he's good at putting some dark and secret thoughts a lot of vets carry into words.

I love my life I have now, but sometimes I wish I was back over there helping out too. (DS/DS 90-91, 10th MarRegt)

[Billthedrill]

There's a very interesting aside in the first chapter of The March Up where General "E-tool" Smith offers to stand a watch on the gun for the exhausted troops in a Bradley. The young trooper looks down and shakes his head no. "It's our war, sir," he said.

You can't go back. You want to, but you can't.