"It doesn't bother them that the people they're killing don't want to be killed. It just slows them down a little."
Unfortunately, I have become fairly familiar with the issue having cared for my dying mother and husband in recent years. So here are some thoughts based on personal experience rather than moral absolutes.
My mother was 88 and was dying because the pig valve that replaced the mitral valve in her heart ten years earlier was failing and she was too frail to sustain another surgery. The surgery involved cutting an incision from her naval to half way up her breast bone and then spreading it apart 6 inches to work on the heart. She was just too weak, and knew she would die soon.
She had been hospitalized recently for some other problem and would call me at 3 am crying, I am sooo hungry and nobody will feed me. After her last hospitalization when I brought her home to die she begged me not to put her in another hospital but let her die at home. When she was near the end, the doctor asked if she would like to go into the hospital for intravenous feeding, etc. which could prolong her life another few weeks. She said absolutely not, she preferred to die at home and un messed with. Two weeks later she slipped into a coma and died two days later at age 89.
At age 72, my husband's Alzheimers had progressed to the point where he needed 24 hour supervision, because he could not remember for more than 15 seconds, and couldn't find his way home if he went out. We had already seen a lawyer and prepared wills, do not resuscitate order, medical power of attorney and financial power of attorney documents. [A wise move for anyone caring for someone likely to die, or even if not likely soon.]
When it seemed the end was near, I took him to the VA Geriatrics Dept. where he was beeing cared for and TWO doctors examined him. I had brought the legal papers with me after they examined them they asked him if he wanted to have intravenous or feeding tubes if he became unable to swallow or was hospitalized. He emphatically shouted NO!! They asked him again with the same result. He was Scotch background and temperment, and had long since established that any money he had he wanted to go to family and not to drug companies and doctors. My mother felt the same way. So do I.
About two months later he could no longer get out of bed. I feed him there, changed his diapers, called our son in Florida and asked him to come immediately. He arrived two days later. My husband was happy to see him although I don't think he knew exactly who he was, or who I was by that time either. Two days later he didn't want to eat any more. My son and I talked it over. My other son had already expressed his opinions. We called the Dr who had seen my husband with the legal papers. She said if he doesn't want to eat, don't feed him. If he doesn't want to drink don't water him. If he asks, then do. She sent the hospice people who visited every day. The next day he was in a coma and died 4 days later in our marriage bed of 44 years. He would not have wanted it any other way. They also gave me morphine to give him some if it was painful when I tried to move him around. When he died they asked for the unused portion back which was most of it and measured the amount used.
NOBODY is arguing that the terminally ill have the right to refuse medical treatment -- as long as it's their own decision.
That's a very powerful post, and I wish I had time to comment about all the levels it touched me on. The most obvious thing I saw was how much you love and care for your family. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone had someone like you in their final hours? Then no one would pass from this world neglected, forgotten and abused. Everyone should experience a love like that. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I wanted to add though that you did an incredible job caring for your family. Alzheimers is such a horrendous disease. I lost my Grandpa 6 years ago and my Grandma a few months back due to Alzheimers. What you did was amazing, caring for your husband at home. Both my Grandparents were in nursing homes, as they were no longer trusted not to wander out the door. No one could watch the full time, and my Grandma was not strong enough to handle my Grandpa. My Grandpa simply gave up eating at the end, and he refused any food. Our family attempted a feeding tube, but his brain didn't know how to process the nutrients so it was basically useless. My Granmda, Mom, and Aunt went daily and watched him lose much weight until he eventually died. My Grandma had Alzheimers and was beginning to wander. We put her in a nice assisted living for Alzheimers patiens, but she eventually got too weak. She was moved to full time nursing where she finally began to stop eating, and she then suffered a stroke. They kept her comfortable in the hospital for several days until she passed. Having gone through two family members with Alzheimers, I hope to never go through it again. Watching them constantly forget and repeat the same thing over and over, watching them decline is miserable. In some ways, my Grandparents had no real clue they were losing their minds, and it was very hard on the family. I hope some day that they find a cure for such a disease. God Bless you for the care you provided your husband until the end!