PENANCE FOR GAS GUZZLERS [Oscar goodie bag contained gift certificate for carbon credits]

New York Post ^ | February 27, 2007 | Page Six

[Doctor Raoul]

HOLLYWOOD'S wealthy liberals can now avoid any guilt they might feel for consuming so much non-renewable fossil fuel...

This year's Oscar goodie bag contained gift certificates representing 100,000 pounds of greenhouse gas reductions...

It reminds us of the era when rich Catholics paid the church for "dispensations" that would shorten their terms in Purgatory.

[Natchez Hawk]

Personally, I think the 'Sopranos' Hollywood gift-bag episode hit a little to close to home--ahhh liberal guilt, how quickly it turns into self-righteous condescention.

[Army Air Corps]

From everyone according to the price of a carbon credit, to everyone according to the size of their carbon footprint, eh comrade?

[Natchez Hawk]

Now you've got it!

Of course those in the Politburo may need a little more carbon...

[Army Air Corps]

Of course, that extra carbon for the vanguard of the proletariat is necessary so that they can have the resources to lead the way!

[Doctor Raoul]

LOL.

[Colorado Doug]

How do they figure out those damn things anyway? A gallon of gas weighs six pounds or so, but they say it creates like 100 pounds of CO2.

It's a complicated formula really. I have, however, streamlined it by using the UN model. Freepmail me with how much money you have and I will send you a bill for your credits. You may use them as soon as your check clears.

[Natchez Hawk]

"...the resources to lead the Way!"

Back to the rainforest!

Or wait, no--I mean...Forward to the rainforest! Albeit a new more egalitarian jungle.

[Army Air Corps]

Loincloths for all!
Grubworms in every pot!
A 16-hour hunting-gathering day!

[gramcam]

"I think that I'll sell water credits. For each one that someone buys, I'll relieve myself in my backyard rather than use the toilet."

Thank you. I needed some endorphins released in my dazed brain - at the wonder of all this nonsense. I haven't laughed so hard in years. Bless you!!

[Army Air Corps]

I aim to please...

[Old Professer]

A carbon dioxide molecule weighs roughly 3.83 times as much as a carbon atom; on a pound for pound basis carbon makes up about 5.3 pounds of the gasoline.

So, one gallon of gasoline represents just over 20 pounds of carbon dioxide.

[Army Air Corps]

Ping

You may wish to join-in on this one.

[Natchez Hawk]

Sad thing is grub worms don't taste nearly as good as grasshoppers--but then again 'hoppers need a LOT of butter to bring out their flavour.

[conservative in nyc]

May I ask what the dickens is a carbon credit?

You don't know what a carbon credit is? Get thee to the blessed sacrament of rehab immediately!

You must buy carbon indulgences credits from Algore's company to offset any carbon dioxide you produce going to and from the blessed sacrament of rehab. After leaving the blessed sacrament of rehab, you must say five "Our Gaias" and five "Hail Gaias". What? You don't know the words that Algore gave us? Shame!

Our Gaia
Our Gaia, who art in Ozone,
Hallowed be your name!
Your kingdom has come,
Your will will be done,
On Earth, as it was before the evil white man soiled Earth.
Give us this day our free government handout,
and grant us rehab for our trespasses,
as we forgive those who have gone to rehab before us.
And let us live a carbon-neutral lifestyle,
as you smite those who do not with hurricanes and disasters.
For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours (and Algore's)
For ever and ever.
Amen.

Hail Gaia
Hail Gaia, full of smite,
The world is one with thee!
Blessed art thou among vegans,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Algore.
Holy Gaia,
Mother of Algore,
Help us carbon emitters,
Now and at the hour of our rehab.
Amen.

[Army Air Corps]

That is some funny, funny s***!

Thank you for the guffaws.

[Army Air Corps]

Pssst, remember, butter is only for the Politburo and high-ranking apparatchiks. However, there might be some on the black market, not that you heard it from me...

[gonzo]

*(Fred Thompson 08)*

Actually, I'd like Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson in 08.

Y'know, the 'Hunter-Thompson' ticket! ........... FRegards

[Army Air Corps]

Here is a related thread.

[Anti-Bubba182]

The dispensation angle is the first thing I thought of.

[conservative in nyc]

There's another version of Our Gaia on the Internet. It's from Australia, so it must have been brought there by Prophet David Suzuki on his last visit:

Our Gaia, who art heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Your kingdom’s come,
Your will shall be done,
on earth as it is...on earth.
Give us this day our daily bread,
For we no longer are allowed to use the tools to make it ourselves.
Forgive us our carbon emissions,
but feel free to smite down with hurricanes all those who emit carbon against us.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,
forever and ever.
Amen.