"Stop that, stop that, it's silly!"
Regards, Ivan
Posted on 02/24/2007 3:25:37 AM PST by MadIvan
FORGET the OJ Simpson and Michael Jackson courtroom circuses: the battle over the body of Anna Nicole Smith became the most bizarre judicial spectacle in US history this week due to the surreal ramblings of presiding Judge Larry Seidlin.
It was a week-long performance from the bench that achieved the seemingly impossible: overshadowing the vaudeville world of the former Playboy model, her decomposing body and the gaggle of men claiming to be her daughter’s father. Judge Seidlin turned himself into a national celebrity and butt of late night comedians by running his courtroom as a cross between Ken Dodd and Tony Soprano.
After transfixing a cable television audience with his surreal pronouncements — one order to the assembled lawyers was “Stay loose. As a goose!” — his wife told the ABC network yesterday what the rest of America has already decided: he should have his own television show.
The denouement came on Thursday when, in floods of tears, he delivered his judgment that Smith should be buried in the Bahamas.
Earlier in the case, he told one highly strung blonde lawyer that she was beautiful, and took mobile phone calls from his wife. He shared his morning exercise routine with the cameras. He called Smith’s mother “momma”.
Judge Seidlin, who paid his way through law school by driving a New York cab, is a native of the Bronx. He might have left that neighbourhood but it has certainly not left him.
Barking out pronouncements in his Florida courtroom in the thickest of New York accents, he nicknamed lawyers after their home states: “California, this doesn’t concern you!”; “Houston, I thought you were leaving!” “Texas” caused a stir on Thursday when he collapsed. The judge shouted: “He’s a diabetic. I can tell by his colour.” He offered to buy him some orange juice and fished out his credit card. Eventually a witness pulled a protein bar from her purse.
In fact Texas said he was fine, and had only tripped.
Mere prose does Judge Seidlin’s parallel universe little justice, so here it is in his own words.
“The wheels of justice aren’t always round. Those wheels, sometimes they’re a little square, and it’s a bumpy ride like the old West.” At one point he said: “When I used to teach tennis I used to wear white shorts and a white top. It always looked good.”
On trying to get the parties to compromise, he said: “We don’t want to make each other out as evil. This is real life. We all come with some broken suitcases.”
Later he added: “In the old days I’d take you in the back room and we would be chopping down some trees. But I remember what Haldeman said to Ehrlichman [of Water-gate notoriety] — what are we doing? We‘re twisting in the wind.”
At one point, Smith’s mother, Virgie Arthur — a lady whose best years, it can be charitably said, are behind her — said: “I wanted to grow up to be a ballerina.” Judge Seidlin replied: “It’s never too late.” The crux of the case was who was Smith’s next-of-kin, and thus who had responsibility for her body. The former model died on February 8 aged 39. The judge ruled that it was her five-month-old daughter, Dannielynn, who has a court-appointed guardian.
By the time he sobbed his way through his ruling, it was Judge Larry Seidling who was the star of the show.
Regards, Ivan
Ping!
This "judge" is a foolish, unserious, nutball.
Liquid lunches are a bad idea.
Regards, Ivan
And perfectly cast for this role.
Imagine THIS judge presiding over the Scooter Libby trial.
Oh...my...Gawd! I don't know if my ribs can take this...LOL
He'd be great in a remake of "My Cousin Vinny."
Regards, Ivan
or class
Monroe could at least speak her mind clearly .....when she wasn't being used by certain rich Democratic politicians....
Contrast that with Anna Nicole who became instantly less attractive the moment she spoke.
Regards, Ivan
You forgot to add "whore" to your list.
All ANS had was boobies and a spread in Playboy. That's it.
There's enough material there to keep this story going until at least Brittany Spears joins ANS in celebrity death.
It keeps journalism from having to cover things they don't understand, like the economy, the Internal Revenue Code, what would actually happen if Roe v. Wade was overturned or superseded, etc.
Rest my case ping
BS is a poorly manufactured, quickly forgotten, pop robot. She's a poor imitation of an imitation of Madonna.
Give him the show so that he can get off of the bench.
One would think that the Florida BAR would file a complaint on this clown.
If it wouldn't take so long, I'd be interested in a pool about ms. Spears makes it to age 39. I'm guessing 28 max.
No, I think "what the rest of America has already decided" is that this clown should be sedated and escorted away wearing one of those jackets with sleeves that tie in the back.
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