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Indy has nothing we'd want (Chicago Sportswriter Disses Indiana & Colts Big Time)
Chicago Sun-Times ^ | January 28, 2007 | GREG COUCH Sun-Times Columnist

Posted on 01/28/2007 5:36:34 AM PST by Chi-townChief

It has become one of the great American sports traditions, the political bet. A major game gets people all worked up and happy at the same time, not worrying about snow removal, potholes or taxes. And that makes it safe for a governor or mayor to get in on it. So rival politicians bet something that screams out the identity of their hometowns. Two weeks ago the Bears beat the Seattle Seahawks, and Mayor Daley took Seattle Mayor Greg Nickles for beer, coffee and salmon. (Too bad that when the stuff arrived, the beer bottles had broken and drenched the coffee-flavored chocolates.) Last week the Bears beat the New Orleans Saints, and Mayor Daley won beignets.

But with the Bears about to play the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl, we have a problem:

What could Indiana possibly have to bet that we would want?

I mean, Chicago can offer Indiana pizza, ribs, beef sandwiches and dental work. But do we really need ballcaps with farm company names on them?

Rumor has it Indianapolis Gov. Mitch Daniels wants to offer up Gary.

I don't often admit this, but I have some friends in Indiana. I called them to ask what they could bet.

''How about corn?''

We have corn.

''Soy?''

Another Indiana friend said they love their pork-tenderloin sandwiches, and that did sound good.

''Pork tenderloin and a carton of cigarettes,'' he said.

Someone else suggested tickets to the Indy 500, but there are two problems with that: One, they just drive around in circles all day. Two, we have to go to Indiana to see it.

Indiana has a serious image problem in Chicago. To us, it seems like a big truck stop between cities.

A few years ago, my brother-in-law started dating a woman from Fort Wayne. Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.

Channeling Royko Indiana has Notre Dame, but that always seemed like a Chicago school filled with Chicago kids. They had a great movie, ''Hoosiers.'' But the story of Illinois' tiny Hebron was just as good. Their greatest sports hero is a guy who wore red sweaters, threw chairs across a basketball court and choked his own players. Eventually, they kicked him out.

''Eli Lilly is based in Indianapolis,'' a friend said.

Yes, but why would we need Prozac if the Bears win?

''They also make Cialis.''

Here's a thought: If the Bears win, then Indiana gives back Eric Gordon. He's the high school basketball phenom from Indianapolis who had committed to the Illini until new Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson got him to change his mind.

I do have a thing against Indiana. It is ingrained in all Chicagoans. And then confirmed through experience.

For Chicagoans, these feelings came to a head in 1982 with Mike Royko's columns in the Sun-Times. And part of the fun was watching Indiana people get so uppity about it.

''For most males in Indiana, a real good time consists of putting on bib overalls and a cap bearing the name of a farm equipment company and sauntering to a gas station to sit around and gossip about how Elmer couldn't get his pickup truck started that morning,'' he wrote.

And this: ''Its only large cities are Indianapolis and Gary, which give you the choice of dying of boredom or of multiple gunshot wounds.''

God, he would have loved this Bears-Colts week.

One time in Indianapolis, I went to grab some dinner just after 10 p.m., and everything was closed. I ended up having to go to a White Castle, where I stood in line for 20 minutes behind a hooker and a pimp. I wrote about that once, and several people from Indiana asked why I wanted to eat that late in the first place.

Once after a basketball game, I went to a nearby bar in downtown Indianapolis. The place was packed with everyone having fun, and they were playing retro music from the 1970s. It was a nice community thing, how everyone had bought into the whole theme and dressed in 1970s clothes and hair.

Turned out, that wasn't a theme.

Do they know what a Hoosier is? These people excitedly call themselves Hoosiers, without knowing what it means. There all sorts of theories. In the old days, Indiana people were so rough that they always would fight in bars. By the end of the night, someone would see a piece of something on the floor and ask, ''Whose ear?'' Eventually, that morphed into Hoosier.

But on indiana.edu, Jeffrey Graf of the reference department of the Indiana University Libraries says that Southerners used to use the term Hoosier ''to denote a rustic, a bumpkin, a countryman, a roughneck, a hick or an awkward, uncouth or unskilled fellow.''

He described the ''cousins'' of the word Hoosier to be ''cracker'' and ''redneck.''

So here's the deal: If the Colts win, Indiana promises to keep its stuff.

Letters to our sports columnists appear Sunday. Send e-mail to inbox@suntimes.com. Include your full name, hometown and a daytime phone number.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; US: Indiana
KEYWORDS: bears; bearsgotspanked; colts; hoosiersrule; superbowl
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To: Condor51

Gary should be named Little Chicago. Run down, infested with gangs, poverty, and another welfare area.


41 posted on 01/28/2007 7:52:37 AM PST by Paige
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To: Miss Marple
As far as I am concerned, the more Chicago people who think this is accurate, the better.

Heh, this was my first thought as well!

42 posted on 01/28/2007 7:54:42 AM PST by ReagansShinyHair
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To: Strategerist

I'm from Indiana, and I think it was hilarious!


43 posted on 01/28/2007 7:57:49 AM PST by cicero's_son
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To: Strategerist

Ummm ... the Bears fans' signs about the Saints were humor also.


44 posted on 01/28/2007 7:59:00 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Chi-townChief

This is all good clean fun people. I remember when Philly trashed the city of Green Bay, calling us a bunch of yokels too. No skin off my back. I'd rather live here than Philadelphia anyway.


45 posted on 01/28/2007 8:02:00 AM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist (Forgot your tagline? Click here to have it resent!)
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To: Extremely Extreme Extremist

I agree although his bigotry is a bit exposed. What gets me is the Sun-Times jumping all over Bears' fans about New Orleans.


46 posted on 01/28/2007 8:05:49 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Lurker

"And one other thing can be said about Indianapolis. It isn't run by Daley."

No but Bart Peterson is just as bad.


47 posted on 01/28/2007 8:10:02 AM PST by Sir Hailstone (Your freedom. Brought to you by the 2nd Amendment and the United States Armed Forces.)
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To: Earthdweller

Indy PING!

Got a new podcast online - you know where to find it


48 posted on 01/28/2007 8:15:17 AM PST by Sir Hailstone (http://digitalfarmers.blogspot.com - PROUD RIGHT WING NUTTERBALL FREEPER!!)
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To: Paige
****Gary should be named Little Chicago. Run down, infested with gangs, poverty, and another welfare area.****

Nah, Gary doesn't have enough Illegal Mexicans to qualify. If they hit 55% and blacks became the 2nd minority - THEN the name change would be applicable.

And actually Gary has always been 'seedy'. If anything Chicago should be called Big Gary. Gary's decline has been on a slower curve - Chicago's has been at Light Speed.

49 posted on 01/28/2007 8:25:18 AM PST by Condor51 (The demoncRATs don't want another 'Vietnam' - they want another Dien Bien Phu.)
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To: Chi-townChief

The one thing to be said about Indiana is that we don't have Chicago.


50 posted on 01/28/2007 8:34:02 AM PST by caver (Yes, I did crawl out of a hole in the ground.)
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To: Samwise

Whooooo!! Hahaha!! Good one!


51 posted on 01/28/2007 8:34:13 AM PST by Earthdweller (All reality is based on faith in something.)
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To: Earthdweller
The author needs a humor gene. That being said! GO COLTS!
52 posted on 01/28/2007 8:45:40 AM PST by defconw ( Mrs. Cibco in 90 days! Woo Hoo!)
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To: Strategerist; Miss Marple

Here ya go, Ummm:

"CRUDE BEARS FANS: Whoever wrote ''Bears Finishing What Katrina Started'' on a sign and hung it at Soldier Field last Sunday should have been booted."

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/sundaydrive/233047,CST-SPT-drive28.article


53 posted on 01/28/2007 8:50:29 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Republic; Teacher317; IN Farm Girl; defconw; Conservatish; WomanBiologist; GovGirl; hoosiermama; ...
"Got a new podcast online - you know where to find it"

Not sure what you mean Sir Hailstone. Could it be Here? ....hehehe

Pinging Indyites to a great Indy Conservative blog...

If you would like on or off this Indiana ping list please send me a Freepmail.

54 posted on 01/28/2007 8:51:36 AM PST by Earthdweller (All reality is based on faith in something.)
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To: Chi-townChief

I live in Indy, and I agree with this guy. My feelings are not as harsh as his, but there really is nothing here. There's no cultural centers, every place downtown is closed early, it's a ghost town after 9 pm. There is no feeling of "life" and energy!

People are different all over, and I intend to leave as soon as I can. Not with feelings of animus toward Indy, but mostly confusion as to why it is the way it is.

The sad part is, as "we" are building our new stadium (with some tax money) trying to change that image, it will not help. People aren't going to want the SuperBowl here no matter what. Our image is of corn and tractors, and now we can throw in a "Lucas Oil" (lovely name) stadium to boot!


55 posted on 01/28/2007 10:12:00 AM PST by The Worthless Miracle (I think Jamie Dupree is annoying.)
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To: Miss Marple
I don't really care. As far as I am concerned, the more Chicago people who think this is accurate, the better.

Then they won't move down here.

Dittos........


56 posted on 01/28/2007 10:12:22 AM PST by united1000 ("An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last " Sir Winston Churchill)
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To: Chi-townChief

People who live in the cesspool that is Chicago and Cook county just don't know how nice we have it. My property taxes last year were 387.00. In a 3br. 2 story house. And no its not a trailer! Rural living. You can't beat it.


57 posted on 01/28/2007 10:15:27 AM PST by JRochelle
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To: Condor51
I've been to the Indiana Dunes only once. Every piece of trash from Chicago was there. People grilling in the parking lot!

We always go to Michigan Dunes. Much nicer.
58 posted on 01/28/2007 10:18:32 AM PST by JRochelle
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To: Chi-townChief

Yea, everyone wants to live where the weather sucks, the pizza is nasty and there are twice as many voters as actual people. They don't call it $hitcago for nothing!


59 posted on 01/28/2007 10:38:05 AM PST by Niteranger68 (The United States is a safe haven for all cultures……except its own.)
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To: The Worthless Miracle
I've lived in other cities where the 'stadium' bru-ha-ha goes on. Its all the same. And it does suck for the little guy in many ways...however..having a great team and keeping a great team seems to require this nowadays. So be it.

Personally, I love the City of Indianapolis.

Compared to Dayton, Ohio or even Columbus, Ohio-downtown Indy is fantastic. From the marvelous restaurants and train station, to the Circle with its immense and beautiful fountains and statuary, brick roadways and horse drawn carriages to the gorgeous drive up Meridian (going north)-the Children's Museum, the wondrous zoo, etc., etc. I just love it.

And dead at night?

You have to be kidding!

Because of the concerted effort to revitalize the downtown by bringing people there to actually LIVE, people who CARE about their homes...I just cannot fathom why you think it is dead in the evening.

I have never been downtown at night when there aren't folks on the street. Ever.

And the War Memorials knock me out!

Whatever.

I have lived in Denver for ten years, Baltimore/ DC area area (Severna Park)for four years, grew up in Xenia, Ohio(just outside Dayton) and Stuttgart, GE for seven, and a small town outside Indianapolis for the last eight.

As far as this girl goes...Indianapolis offers all of the cultural aspects one could hope for (from the symphony, to the theatre to the Verizon Ctr that sponsors the huge crowd draws, ie rock stars, etc.) and is beautiful, architecturally, to boot.

I think Indianapolis is a gem.

And I think the mayor-stinks! LOL And whats her name...that black congresswoman who scares the life out of ya, does to.

And I can't stand Lugar anymore, Burton is my congress critter and I am ok with him, however.

Ah well....just needed to respond to your summation of my city with another viewpoint. :^)

60 posted on 01/28/2007 11:27:34 AM PST by Republic (Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity & Mark Levin have a genuine passion for our nation!)
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