How a Kidnapped Boy Readjusts

time.com ^ | 1/19/07 | MICHAEL LINDENBERGER/RICHWOODS

[Halls]

Shawn Hornbeck's parents say they may never know the full story as to why their son Shawn never attempted to contact them or to escape during the more than four years he lived with the man police say abducted him in 2002. But they said comments by Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly that the boy may have enjoyed living with Michael Devlin more than his family had infuriated the couple.

Shawn's stepfather, Craig Akers, said in an interview with TIME late Thursday evening. "Our son was 11 when he was abducted. A child that age can be mentally manipulated in a very short time. Hearing him say what he said absolutely infuriates me. I can hardly even express how mad it makes me to hear that."

[Halls]

"So blow it out yer ass."

Well, aren't you an ass!

[keats5]

So Najida, what should we teach our kids? I'm interested in your opinion, because you seem to understand how they think.

I've had three run ins with perverts trying to get to my kids. One was a homosexual YMCA counselor in charge of boys' group showers, one was a guy who parked outside my home waiting for my daughter's school bus and another homosexual stalked my teen son in our neighborhood gym. (This is considered a nice neighborhood, too!) Thankfully, the kids kept safe due to their own reports, our own presence and some alert adults.

I try to teach my kids that abuse is not their fault, that the shame connects to the pervert and not them and that we'd love them even if we heard awful things about them. Still, there's a difference between hearing parents say such things and acting like you believe them.

Any ideas?

[WV Mountain Mama]

Fear is something that should not be underestimated. How many people are terrified of going to, ahem, the dentist and I haven't read too many cases of dentist abducting patients, raping them and Heaven knows what else. How many kids stay in abusive homes and get beat by their fathers daily? Why don't they just leave? No one knows what that "man" said to Shawn, no one knows what was done to him over the past 4 years, no one knows what Shawn saw when he first was abducted, perhaps the boy he was replacing, maybe even worse.

How do you think you would do if you were captured by an al qaeda group and raped and tortured for 4 years? Many argue women should not be in combat because they could get raped if captured. Yet people question a boy who at age 11 was most likely raped and probably was so traumatized that he never emotionally developed another day and probably even regressed.

[najida]

Hmmmm,
If you're serious,
talk to some social workers who deal with kids in abuse settings or maybe read some books on the subject.

Shawn's behaviors are very, very normal for the situation. The biggest hurdle in his future will be self-destructive behaviors brought on by guilt, the inability to trust and not truly feeling safe for a very, very long time.

[dforest]

I think of him as a loud, conservative liberal.

You sure nailed that one. I totally agree. He thinks being fair is not choosing a side or a philosophy that he really believes. You cannot straddle the fence and be credible.

[najida]

You're doing the right things. Mostly, is understanding that they are kids still, and will do stupid things that put them at risk. Not just perverts, but the old "Look both ways before you cross the street" kind of stuff.

They need to know that even if they do something stupid that causes something bad to happen, you still love them. That your concern is love based. Also, teach them to fight back against ANY adult who invades their space.

We try so hard to raise decent, respectful kids that we sometimes forget they need to learn to be fighters too. To get mad and protect themselves, not to be afraid that they'll get in trouble if they feel threatened.

And don't have 'taboo' subjects. I know of one friend who was raped as a very young teen but never told....because sex was considered 'evil' in her family. She was so ashamed that she never got angry. Which did a lot of damage (and her attacker continued to live next door).

Ok, that's my pitiful 2 cents, I hope it helps.

[WV Mountain Mama]

I believe the truth is that a boy was terrified. I believe he was given privileges for good behavior and was warned to never step out of line. When kids go missing, the entire family is on tv. Shawn was physically abused, but how easy would it be to also tell him that if he left, called, etc, that this guy knew where he lived. He knew the names of his relatives, sister, nephew, etc and would kill them all. Do you think a boy who was taken and traumatized so terribly at a young age, and then made to live (actually just survive) in that situation for years would keep developing mentally and emotionally the same as a kid with no such trauma going on? I am sure you have heard that POW's have caved in captivity under torture, and I am sure some got let out of cages to perform special duties and get extra food if they were really well behaved. Are you saying that you would be so hard on them as well if they didn't try to escape when they were out and just waited for the good guys to overrun the camp?

[MOgirl]

Hello,

Well said, thank you. Being here, a few miles from where Shawn was found, this last week has been a like being on a roller-coaster. I have had words with a few people in this area who have decided that they know it all, and that Shawn was quite happy to stay with Devlin. Needless to say, I disagree.

MOgirl

[USMMA_83]

Ugh...you are mixing it up a bit...the perp is evil and will suffer! That does not let ol'money bags off the hooks. I hold Oprah responsible for the crime of making money off this poor boys trauma. He has no idea if he' coming or going...he can't make a decision about being on Oprah, can he?

[USMMA_83]

Agree with you 100%. That was another crime perpetrated on the poor child.

[MOgirl]

Hello,

Also remember that Devlin was "friends" with the local cops, via managing a local pizza place. When Devlin got into a disagreement with a neighbor over a parking spot, he called the cops! He showed no fear of the police, and Shawn had to know that. Would this child believe that he had no one in authority to turn to?

MOgirl

[demsux]

Also remember that Devlin was "friends" with the local cops, via managing a local pizza place. When Devlin got into a disagreement with a neighbor over a parking spot, he called the cops! He showed no fear of the police, and Shawn had to know that.

Exactly right...

[mware]

I agree that BOR comments were out of line. I also think that the family was acting against their sons best interest by putting him on Oprah less than a week after he was rescued.

[MPJackal]

"Well, aren't you an ass!"

I resemble that remark.

[keats5]

Thanks. Points well taken.

[Guenevere]

I am really surprised....this coming from you.

I mistakenly thought you knew me better than that.

Devlin is a monster....That should be a given.

I still feel very sorry that this poor young man should be paraded on Oprah less than a week after his being found.

[Guenevere]

Thank-you for saying this, mware....

..a voice of reason.

You wouldn't believe the negative posts I've received for saying essentially the same thing.

[DvdMom]

Well if Shawn didn't talk to Oprah , there would be 2000 + reporters stalking Shawn to get a statement .

By going on Oprah they can help to avoid the other reporters .

Shawn's family dedicated their lives , & spent ALL of their own money helping missing kids .

Shawn's family worked 24-7 to bring Shawn home PLUS They gave great Comfort to the families of other kidnapped children !

Shawn's dad LOST his own leg , while being involved in a search for someone elses's missing kid !

You blaming Shawn & his family makes me think you should become a defense lawyer for the OJ'S Of the World ......

[Guenevere]

Your last line is so utterly ridiculous I shouldn't respond...

..and after this, I will not respond to you again.

Obviously you don't bother to read all the contents of my posts, or you would know I have total sympathy/empathy for the young man.

That you would include him in with my opinon of what his parents did, is unconscionable

I will not answer any more of your posts, or Halls ....

..You all just post to each other and carry on.

[Halls]

ok.....