[keats5]

So Najida, what should we teach our kids? I'm interested in your opinion, because you seem to understand how they think.

I've had three run ins with perverts trying to get to my kids. One was a homosexual YMCA counselor in charge of boys' group showers, one was a guy who parked outside my home waiting for my daughter's school bus and another homosexual stalked my teen son in our neighborhood gym. (This is considered a nice neighborhood, too!) Thankfully, the kids kept safe due to their own reports, our own presence and some alert adults.

I try to teach my kids that abuse is not their fault, that the shame connects to the pervert and not them and that we'd love them even if we heard awful things about them. Still, there's a difference between hearing parents say such things and acting like you believe them.

Any ideas?

[najida]

You're doing the right things. Mostly, is understanding that they are kids still, and will do stupid things that put them at risk. Not just perverts, but the old "Look both ways before you cross the street" kind of stuff.

They need to know that even if they do something stupid that causes something bad to happen, you still love them. That your concern is love based. Also, teach them to fight back against ANY adult who invades their space.

We try so hard to raise decent, respectful kids that we sometimes forget they need to learn to be fighters too. To get mad and protect themselves, not to be afraid that they'll get in trouble if they feel threatened.

And don't have 'taboo' subjects. I know of one friend who was raped as a very young teen but never told....because sex was considered 'evil' in her family. She was so ashamed that she never got angry. Which did a lot of damage (and her attacker continued to live next door).

Ok, that's my pitiful 2 cents, I hope it helps.