Bill Bennett Show: SANDY BERGER LIES PARODY SONG CONTEST (get ready to sing songs on this thread)

In response to the outrageous and undercovered national security scandal involving Sandy Berger, Bill Bennett is holding a song contest to shine the light on this. Having created a few political parodies, I thought I would give it a try. I'll bring the 34 songs I did this week into this thread either one at a time or in small groups. I hope you will find something you like.

1. Write lyrics to an already existing song, or song you write yourself, that tells the story of the Sandy Berger archives scandal. E.g., "Sandy Berger Lies" for "Bette Davis Eyes." Any song will do, or a new song you write. The winner receives $1,000.

2. The lyrics (or song if it is original) will be the property of "Bill Bennett's Morning in America" and can be used in perpetuity for the one-time contest payout of $1,000.

Bush has nominated Hillman for a federal judgeship. Oh, if only a GOP senator would challenge him.

GOP Contradicts Justice Department
Wednesday, January 10, 2007

By LARRY MARGASAK, Associated Press Writer

E-MAIL STORY PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION
WASHINGTON — Some classified documents that were unlawfully removed from the National Archives three years ago may never have reached their intended destination _ the Sept. 11 commission, a House Republican report concluded Tuesday.

The report contradicted Justice Department conclusions that the commission received all the necessary documents. The records were reviewed at the archives by the Clinton administration's national security adviser, Sandy Berger, who pleaded guilty in April 2005 to unlawfully removing several documents.

Released by Rep. Tom Davis, R-Va., the report said Berger could have taken White House staff working papers that never were inventoried by the archives. In that case, nobody would know they were gone, the report said.

The Justice Department on Tuesday repeated its original position that no documents were withheld. Spokesman Bryan Sierra said the department "has no evidence that Sandy Berger's actions deprived the 9/11 Commission of documents, and we stand by our investigation of this matter."

Berger pleaded guilty to removing documents on two occasions in 2003. A report by the archives inspector general last month said that Berger acknowledged hiding some of them at a construction site near the archives building in Washington.

(Story continues below)

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The report said, however, that the plea did not account for two earlier visits during which Berger reviewed documents. He conducted the review to prepare himself and other Clinton aides for testimony before the commission investigating the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

"The 9/11 Commission relied on incomplete and misleading information" when it was told it had all the records, said Davis. The ranking Republican on the House Government Reform Committee, Davis started working on the report when he was chairman prior to the Democratic takeover of Congress.

Davis' report quoted Noel Hillman, then-chief of the department's Public Integrity Section, as stating at the time of the 2005 plea that Berger did not have an intent to hide any of the documents or conceal facts from the commission.

Matt Bennett, a spokesman for Berger attorney Lanny Breuer, said, "I can state unequivocally that no documents were withheld, and that all documents that Mr. Berger took were disclosed to the Justice Department and the inspector general of the archives."

The report said that since working papers reviewed by Berger were not inventoried, "the Department of Justice could not assure the 9/11 Commission that it received all responsive documents to which Berger had access. Additionally, the 9/11 Commission was not informed that Berger had access to original documents that he could have removed without anyone's knowledge," the report said.

In September 2005, Berger was sentenced to two years of probation, 100 hours of community service, pay a $50,000 fine and to lose his security clearance for three years.

The report said the Justice Department "was unacceptably incurious" about two of Berger's four visits to the National Archives _ one in May 2002 and the other in July 2003.

The department "never notified the 9/11 Commission that Berger viewed a large number of original documents on these first two visits," the report said.

Clinton Cabal Rules At the Justice Dept Office of Public Integrity: Another “Fox in the Hen House”
peterfpaul.com ^ | 1-9-07 | Peter Paul

Posted on 01/09/2007 4:22:55 PM PST by doug from upland

The Clinton Cabal Rules At the Justice Dept Office of Public Integrity: Another “Fox in the Hen House” Filed under: Hillary Clinton — Peter Paul @ 4:36 pm

Well, its Deja Vu all over again! The Government Reform Committee has now discovered how far Mr. Noel Hillman went to protect the Clintons in his abuse of his authority as the Chief Justice Department official responsible for investigating and prosecuting public corruption by elected and appointed public officials.

Without a recommendation from the Chief of the Public Integrity Office, the Attorney General of the U.S. will not prosecute any politically related crime! This policy was articulated by the Chief of the Criminal Division of the Attorney General’s office in 2005.

The same Noel Hillman who supervised the investigation of Hillary Clinton’s 2000 campaign finance frauds from 2001-2005, and indicted and prosecuted the lowest level functionary in Hillary’s campaign, finance director David Rosen, pinning the rap on him to protect Hillary and Bill Clinton’s role in the affair, has now been outed by the Chairman of the House Oversight and Govt Reform Committee as a partisan protector of the Sandy Berger- Bill Clinton conspiracy to erase the truth about their mishandling of pre 9-11 Osama Bin Laden - Al Queda threats.

Where was the Oversight and Reform Committee when the FEC investigation concluded, and obtained an admission from, Hillary’s campaign treasurer Andrew Grossman knowingly filed three false reports hiding more than $800,000 in contributions to Hillary’s 2000 Senate campaign from Peter Paul? If they would have studied the FEC General Counsel Reports they would have learned that Hillary’s finance director David Rosen, had no legal obligation at all to file reports, true or false, about contributions to Hillary’s campaign and should never have been indicted and tried for that offense on his own.

The FEC concluded that it was Hillary’s treasurer that had knowingly filed the three false FEC reports that Hillman charged Mr Rosen with, and a jury acquitted him of when Hillman’s case made no sense. Rosen never signed any reports to the FEC and had no legal responsibility to file any reports with the FEC. While Rosen’s boss, campaign treasurer Grossman, testified at Rosen’s trial in May, 2005, that he never heard of any fundraising event costing more than $1 million, he admitted in December, 2005 to the FEC that he knowingly hid more than $800,000 of the more than $1.2 million that Paul paid for Hillary’s largest fundraiser.

How could Mr. Hillman ignore in good conscience Rosen’s boss’ admission to the FEC to the very crimes Rosen was indicted and tried for by the Justice Department (which the jury itself concluded was accomplished by Rosen’s higher ups) ? How could Hillman explain that his investigation resulted in Rosen’s indictment and exonnerated Grossman and Grossman’s boss, Hillary? The answer is Hillman didnt have to account to anyone for his actions. Membership in the Clinton Cabal ensures immunity from the Rule of Law, whether you are the malfeasor or the protector.

Clinton Cabal founding member Sandy Berger has demonstrated that even with a Republican Congress and a Republican Justice Department, the Clinton Cabal Immunity works perfectly well. On Jan 9, 2007 - Oversight and Government Reform Committee Ranking Member Tom Davis (R-VA) released the following statement on a committee report that sheds important new light on Sandy Berger’s theft of classified documents from the National Archives. The report makes it clear that the full extent of Mr. Berger’s document removal can never be known, and consequently the Department of Justice could not assure the 9/11 Commission that it received all responsive documents to which Mr. Berger had access.

“My staff’s investigation reveals that President Clinton’s former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger compromised national security much more than originally disclosed,” Davis said. “It is now also clear that Mr. Berger was willing to go to extraordinary lengths to compromise national security, apparently for his own convenience

“The public statements of the former chief of the public integrity section, Noel Hillman, were incomplete and misleading. Because Mr. Berger had access to original documents that he could have taken without detection, we do not know if anything “was lost to the public or the process”

The Justice Department’s (Noel Hillman’s) assertion that Mr. Berger’s statements are credible after being caught is misplaced. One wouldnt rely on the fox to be truthful after being nabbed in the hen house. But the Justice Department (Noel Hillman) apparently did.”

Mr. Hillman’s unquestioned reliance on “truthful foxes” was showcased with the “mother of all foxes”, when Mrs Clinton herself , according to her attorney David Kendall, “fully cooperated” with Hillman’s investigation of her 2000 campaign finance frauds. Her “cooperation” confirmed to Hillman that she had no involvement whatsoever in inducing Peter Paul to become her largest contributor and then hiding that fact from the Washington Post before her first Senate election victory, and from the FEC for the next five years. During that time Hillary obstructed an OIG, FEC and Grand Jury investigation into the affair and caused the filing of false reports to the FEC and a false sworn declaration in her civil fraud suit in California.

Hopefully the Reform Committee will continue to look into Mr Hillman’s abuse of his office and the role Hillary and Bill played in obstructing the latest investigations of their conduct.

A little late but oh well.

MC HAMMER U Can't Touch This

My 9-11 hits me so hard
Makes me say "oh my lord"
Thank you for blessing me
with clearance to stuff my feet
It feels so good, when you know you're down
A crooked democrat from Washington
And I'm known as such
but these socked feet ,uh, you can't touch
I told you Bush Boy ( you can't touch this)
Yeah, that's how we stealin' and ill show (you can't touch this)
Look in my socks. man ( you can't touch this)
yo, watch me steal these secret papers ( you can't touch this)

Sharp new scissors, but
I say mistake, though you know I wanna cut
So I move, to the john
under a trailor and put a rock on
Camera's rolling, hold on
Lie a little bit, to 'splain what's going on
make sense? make sense?
bad decision, so call them back
An accident I took to much
so these socks you can't touch

Yo, I told you(you can't touch this)
What's in your socks man? (you can't touch this)
Yo, call Clintons cell, the fix is in, Bubba (you can't touch this)

Get me that note, or that copy
the damn commision must not stop me
They can't know
keepin slick from the slammer it is all about to blow
what's wrong is right
I won't inhale but pass me a light
or something to burn
what's it gonna take for people to learn
Body parts? That's it
Do what I say or that lip will get bit

Even if she does blow
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this

Take em down! STOP, Cigar time

Put em in the trunk, like I said
if they catch you with them, you might wind up dead
so quick cut em up like hair
wait a few days, tell em you left them there
do it quick, right before dinner
Follow directions so my legacy's a winner
get on it chump
While I call monica for some bump bump bump

Yeah (you can't touch this
) Look, Sand, ( you can't touch this)
Better get the task done, boy, because you know (You can't touch this)
what's that smell? The blue dress again?

Take em down! STOP, cigar time.

You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this

Take me down! (Nice pants Bubba) STOP, cigar time

In the socks people did see
Clinton's notes, tryin to wipe
the record clean cuz it said we should flee
Now why should he risk doing something like this?
Maybe cuz the White house his wife is tryin to git!
He been around the world, getting funds for a flood
It's bubba, go bubba, hey bubba. go bubba
Still he says, you all still gotta pay.

You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this

How about disco?

STAYIN’ ALIVE

Get music here: http://home.freeuk.net/rr/music/midi/beegees/index.html

Well you can tell by the way you see me dance
I’ve been stuffing something in my pants
As you can see I’m loyal still…I am risking all for my pal, Bill

Although it’s not right…isn’t right…I will be sneaking them offsite
And I will do all that I can…’cause I am Sandy Burglar man

Whether it’s a felony, a really major felony
I’m stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Don’t know what they’d do to me…I wonder what they’d do to me
I’m stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Ah ha ha ha, stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Ah ha ha ha stealin’ the fi-i-i-i-i-iles
Stealin’ the files

Bill had blown it when he let Osama go
But there are certain things you shouldn’t know
He spent all his time out chasing tail
While he’s doing that, he was bound to fail

Although it’s not right…isn’t right…I will be sneaking them offsite
And I will do all that I can…’cause I am Sandy Burglar man

Whether it’s a felony, a really major felony
I’m stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Don’t know what they’d do to me…I wonder what they’d do to me
I’m stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Ah ha ha ha, stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Ah ha ha ha, stealin’ the fi-i-i-i-i-iles
Stealin’ files

Would Clinton do this? Would Clinton do this? Would he do this for me?
I am protecting the Clinton legacy
I’m stealin’ the files

Well, very soon I will have to testify
Without evidence, there’s no proof I lied
I will do what must be done
Actually, I think it’s kind of fun

Although it’s not right…isn’t right…I will be sneaking them offsite
And I will do all that I can…’cause I am Sandy Burglar man

Whether it’s a felony, a really major felony
I’m stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Don’t know what they’d do to me…I wonder what they’d do to me
I’m stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Ah ha ha ha, stealin’ the files, stealin’ the files
Ah ha ha ha, stealin’ the fi-i-i-i-i-iles
Those files

Would Clinton do this? Would Clinton do this? Would he do this for me?
I am protecting the Clinton legacy
I’m stealin’ the files

(I’ve been thinking)
Would Clinton do this? Would Clinton do this? Would he do this for me?
I am protecting the Clinton legacy
I’m stealin’ the files

(I’ve been thinking)
Would Clinton do this? Would Clinton do this? Would he do this for me?
I am protecting the Clinton legacy
I’m stealin’ the files

(I’ve been thinking)
Would Clinton do this? Would Clinton do this? Would he do this for me?
I am protecting the Clinton legacy
I’m stealin’ the files

COMING NEXT: Teddy Bears Picnic

I love this song and have used it several times. It lends itself very well to telling stories. My favorite was done Jan. 20, 2001 in which the story was told of dragging Clinton out of the White House and fumigating the place. Mocking the Clinton criminals is particularly fun using a children's song. Print this out and have your child take it to his teacher. :)

TEDDY BEARS PICNIC

Music site: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/9603/music.html

Bill sends him off to the reading room…for his critical assignment
He knows that it is a felony and he’s risking some confinement
But he will do as ordered to do…you don’t want Clinton angry with you
Today’s the day that Sandy will fill his trousers

He’s going through all the documents in several manila folders
He’s shaking and cannot concentrate…he’s hoping he’ll soon feel bolder
But he will do as ordered to do…you don’t want Clinton angry with you
Today’s the day that Sandy will fill his trousers

When they bring him more from the shelf…he says he must excuse himself
This was one of those times, those times you’re feeling you just gotta go
So he gets up for tinkling…nature tells him to do his thing
He is looking around, all around and he’s hoping that no one knows

For the impeached ex-president, he is sneaking out documents
He is taking a chance, a chance that someday he could be in stripes
But he’s loyal to Bill, you see…as he’s destroying history
And he’s going to do, he will do what Bill tells him without a gripe

A guard is starting to stare at him and Sandy is getting nervous
He hopes the guy isn’t trained as well as those guys in Secret Service
But he will do as ordered to do…you don’t want Clinton angry with you
Today’s the day that Sandy will fill his trousers

Then as he heads to the door…his thighs look bigger now than those things had looked a bit before
Something’s moving in his pants…he tries arranging things and does a little dance
It’s a wedgie, he proclaims…and then they watch him as he suddenly bolts to flee
He’s dropping papers under a trailer for pick-up later on
He’s got to save Clinton’s legacy

Then as he heads to the door…his thighs look bigger now than those things had looked a bit before
Something’s moving in his pants…he tries arranging things and does a little dance
It’s a wedgie, he proclaims…and then they watch him as he suddenly bolts to flee
He’s dropping papers under a trailer for pick-up later on
He’s got to save Clinton’s legacy

COMING NEXT IS THE FINALE: Battle of New Orleans

This was one of the early ones I did. It is perhaps the best of all the tunes I used to tell the story. This tune was also used to mock John Kerry in 2004 about the day the VVAW voted in Kansas City in Nov. 1971 regarding whether to whack U.S. Senators who supported the war.

Whomever Bill and the judges choose, Bill has created a great method to finally get out this incredibly story of a major felony that went virtually unpunished. Noel Hillman is the guy at the Public Intergity branch of the Justice Department who makes the decisions. He could have prosecuted him big time. So Hillman lets Berger off the hook and Hillary off the hook for campaign finance fraud. What happens to Hillman? He is appointed a federal judge by Bush. What in the heck is going on here? Was his great grandfather on the Black Sox?

Berger gets up every half hour to tinkle so he can deal with what he was stuffing in his pants. He goes outside to the construction trailer drop zone. He cuts the documents with scissors. And the Clinton pals are laughing and saying that he is just sloppy? Just amazing.

BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS (Battle in Sandy’s Pants)

MIDI music site -- http://www.geocities.com/bmorton.geo/midicountrya_g.html

Two thousand three and some trouble had begun
When Sandy Berger did some things he shouldn’t oughta done
They caught him in the archives as he’s stealin' documents
He’s protecting his old buddy, the impeached ex-president

They’re watchin’ him and the funny things he’s doin’
He got up to go peein’ as he did awhile ago
The guard suspected somethin’ was a brewin’
And if his bladder’s gonna burst, his doctor oughta know

Someone said he seen ‘em puttin’ somethin’ in his pants
But if he was doin’ that, he’s really takin’ quite a chance
They thought about askin’ if he had an itch in there
Because the guy had stature they knew that they didn’t dare

They’re watchin’ him and the funny things he’s doin’
He got up to go peein’ as he did awhile ago
The guard suspected somethin’ was a brewin’
And if his bladder’s gonna burst, his doctor oughta know

He made his four visits and they wondered what he took
Who could know a former NSA guy turned into a crook
What he took had to be as big as it could be
‘Cause he risked a lot to save a phony Clinton legacy

(They’re) watchin’ him and the funny things he’s doin’
He got up to go peein’ as he did awhile ago
The guard suspected somethin’ was a brewin’
And if his bladder’s gonna burst, his doctor oughta know

Then he shot out the door like a fullback a runnin’
There was nothin’ to stop ‘em from the place he had to get
He hid some docs underneath of a trailer
And when he started lyin’ he was never gonna quit

The hearings they’re holdin’ would be startin’ real quick
And the nickname Sandy Burglar was a name that’s gonna stick
A slap on Sandy’s wrist was all the justice we would see
He got away destroyin’ some important history

They’re watchin’ him and the funny things he’s doin’
He got up to go peein’ as he did awhile ago
The guard suspected somethin’ was a brewin’
And if his bladder’s gonna burst, his doctor oughta know

Then he shot out the door like a fullback a runnin’
There was nothin’ to stop ‘em from the place he had to get
He hid some docs underneath of a trailer
And when he started lyin’ he was never gonna quit

From Powerline, these are great lyrics but I don't know the tune.

January 08, 2007
Fourth of July, Asbury Park (Sandy Berger)

In my post below on Bill Bennett's Sandy Berger contest, I suggested that a takeoff on Bruce Springsteen's "Fourth of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)" might be the ticket. Seth Leibsohn advises me that Bill's listeners are one step ahead of us. One inspired listener (who advises that his version will not work to the Hollies' version of the song) has already submitted the following (slightly edited for reasons of taste):

Sandy, the Nine Eleven commission would like to speak with you tonight.
Lookin' for facts, or whatever you can sell them that will make your old boss, Bill look bright
Up in Chappaqua the Clintons, with their switchblade brothers, so fast so shiny so sharp
If you fail people say you'll be gone the next day like Vince Foster you'll be found in the park.
Cuz the boys sent by the Clintons will split you wide open while Bill shacks up in Harlem with some [girl]
Chasin' all them needy New York women by the score

Sandy, the commission is trying to find us.
You'll hang tight or we'll end your career forever.
Oh, fool them tonight or your wife may never see you again,
Hey Sandy Berger, do my bidding.

Now the archives they hold all of those papers with the notes that you just love to write
Them guards in uniforms, ah Sandy, eat donuts all night.
So you spent your whole night in them dusty archives, stuffing things into your jeans.
Hiding the papers underneath some trailer, while Bill Clinton, he had sex in Queens

You know that construction down on Constitution Ave
You broke into it that night and almost got caught?
Almost left some fingerprints there? Didn't think they'd ever wipe off.

Sandy, the commission is trying to find us.
You'll hang tight or we'll end your career forever.
Run and take care of this problem. Say, can I date your daughter?
Please remember, Sandy Berger. You're my, my, my lackey.

Sandy, some guys from Al Quaeda planned to attack New Year's Eve
Ahmed Ressam said Allah told him it's time to blow up LAX, the airport
He had a car full of explosives
Then he met Diana Dean, the girl who stopped him at the border in the snow
While those Clintonista stars drinking in their expensive DC bars
Said, We stopped him with our meetings, don't you know?

When the cops finally bust you, call Hillary. She'll pay that puny fine for you.
Think your top secret clearance is through, babe?
We'll see you get that back, too.

Sandy, the commission is trying to find us.
You'll hang tight or we'll end your career forever.
Oh, fool them tonight 'cause us Clintons, we own you forever.

Oh, I mean it Sandy Burglar. My, my, my, my, my baby
Yeah, I promise Sandy, Burglar. Sha la la la la, baby

Juanita was the one whose lip was viciously bitten. Here is the definitive Clinton sexual assault song.

Here is the YouTube presentation -- http://youtube.com/watch?v=T_kia4Ig1QA

"SHE'S ALWAYS A WOMAN"
Get music here -- http://davidbmidi.home.mchsi.com/joel.htm

She was 19 years old…I loved her English eyes
She was telling me no, that's a word I despise
So I took what I wanted, I'll take what I see
She cried like a child
But she's just a dumb woman to me

She was just 22…and at Yale we studied
Recollection's not clear…but she might have been bloodied
Though she talked to the police, they just let me go free
One more score I can count
And she's just a dumb woman to me

I always take what I want…I will never hear "no"
If they fail to comply
Don't they all know who I am…who do they think they are
They should not ask me why

She's a real beauty queen…Miss America winner
I used power and fear…and then I enjoyed dinner
I warned her not to talk…she'd be sorry, you see
I would blame it on her
'Cause she's just a dumb woman to me

I always take what I want…I will never hear "no"
If they fail to comply
Don't they all know who I am…who do they think they are
They should not ask me why

One was really too kind…and no challenge at all
I got into her room…there was no one to call
I ripped clothing and hurt her…she couldn't get free
There were tears in each breath…as I scared her to death
But she's just a dumb woman to me

"We do not believe that violence against women is 'simply cultural' -- we believe it is simply criminal... I am proud that my husband has stood up as President to confront the violence and to protect American women." - Hillary Clinton 10/20/97"

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