Posted on 12/28/2006 10:36:24 AM PST by presidio9
Thanksgiving in Salem at Aunt Teri's house and the family is picking at Sasha Villarreal, asking questions, pushing buttons.
So, are you lesbian? What if you meet a nice boy? One uncle says he'd rather his teenage daughter be pregnant than gay.
It makes Sasha nervous, brings a little flutter to her heart. She's 18. Family is important to her. But she doesn't back down. She comes right back at them, kidding, asking questions of her own.
Well, why do you like girls, Uncle Tony?
Their response? Uncle Tony puts his hands over his ears, like he doesn't want to hear another word. But Grandpa just laughs, and Sasha feels good about that.
She remembers the ride home to Portland that night, rehashing the day with her supportive mom, grateful to pass another milestone in an already momentous year.
Takes on activist role
Sasha's been out for a while. But in 2006, she pushed aside the last vestiges of her fundamentalist upbringing and stepped to the forefront of queer youth activism in Oregon.
She helped organize the Oregon Queer Youth Conference last February. She helped put together the Oregon Gay-Straight Alliance, a school-based group that fights homophobia, and now serves on its board.
In the summer, she traveled to San Francisco for a national gay-straight conference, which inspired her to get even more involved.
"I told myself that it was my job to try and make my school, Portland and eventually the state a better place for queer youth," she says at a Starbucks near her Southeast Portland home.
As always, she's decked out in a cool kid uniform: Six hoop earrings, black Motorhead T-shirt, black pants, tongue stud, lip stud, nose ring and heavy mascara. She's tall, and her hair is chopped short, framing a full, unlined face.
Coming out to her deeply religious extended family started late last year and has continued slowly throughout 2006. Their grudging acceptance was a relief and gave Sasha the confidence to speak out on behalf of herself and other queer teens.
Her mom, Gina Hansen, has noticed a marked difference in recent months as Sasha makes her way toward adulthood.
"This year, she's 100 percent out," Hansen says. "She has no shame at all."
Struggling with confusion
The Sunday school teachers told her homosexuality was disgusting, a sin punishable by eternal damnation.
And Sasha was a kid, so she believed them.
Sasha and her three siblings lived with their grandparents in Salem for several years while their parents were in and out of trouble with the law. Twice a week, grandma and grandpa took them to church, where the teachers hammered home the lessons of conservative faith.
"I remember them telling us that people who were homosexual would go to hell if they didn't cleanse themselves," Sasha says, "that they were disgusting and basically godless, very low people."
When she was 11, Sasha moved to Portland to live with her mother, who is divorced from her father. That's when she started questioning the teachings of her old church.
Hansen, who is now remarried, has a liberal philosophy about sexuality and a wide circle of gay and lesbian friends.
One lesbian couple, in particular, was especially close to the family, coming over for barbecues and movies. Sasha loved them but felt bewildered at the same time.
"It made me really confused as to why these people were so 'disgusting,' " she says. "They seemed like really good people to me."
About the same time, Sasha began questioning her own sexuality. What followed were several years of silent struggle after she realized she had a crush on her best friend. Ultimately, Sasha decided her Sunday school teachers were wrong.
"I wasn't completely positive at first," she says. "It was scary and weird. I still felt like it was so wrong, but my feelings were so strong I thought it couldn't be fake."
Growing more comfortable
Sasha sits in a crowded downtown coffeehouse surrounded by four adults, making plans for the statewide Gay-Straight Alliance convention next spring.
Listening to her hash out the details of a needs assessment questionnaire, watching her pull out an appointment book so she can organize her week, it's easy to forget that she's a baby-faced senior at Cleveland High School who's just now applying to colleges.
But it's true. Her bedroom is cluttered with the detritus of teenhood: porcelain dolls, stuffed animals, makeup, jewelry, posters featuring the Grateful Dead, Slayer, Kurt Cobain, Angelina Jolie, Queen and "Brokeback Mountain."
Half the time, she dresses like a high school kid, circa 1982. One day she wears black-and-red tights, Pat Benatar mascara and a Judas Priest T-shirt.
At the coffeehouse, she's got a camo cap cocked sideways, a pair of purple Chuck Taylor high-tops, striped knickers and a black T-shirt featuring a pink outline of a plump mud-flap model.
She jiggles her leg, fiddles with her hair and hangs back while the grown-ups run through the nitty-gritty for next year's convention.
But the advisers draw her out, asking questions, trying to find out what young people want for entertainment, dancing, etc. And she delivers, providing a much-needed teen-centric perspective.
Like, don't invite so many adult chaperones to the dance this time. It makes the kids uncomfortable.
And how about a smaller room? More kids will dance if they're not standing in the middle of a cavernous dance floor.
OK, what about the music?
"In general," she says, "techno is the queer beat for kids."
In the past year, Sasha has grown more comfortable speaking to groups and communicating her ideas about activism, says Austin Lea, one of the adult advisers for the Oregon Gay-Straight Alliance.
Planning events and working with other kids, he says, "has really been empowering for her."
In addition to conferences, Sasha also is planning for her future. She hopes to study criminology at Southern Oregon University next year and wants to continue her advocacy for queer youth.
All of which makes her mother proud.
"She's turning out to be a very smart, powerful and beautiful woman," Hansen says.
But for now, Sasha's got homework to do, conferences to plan, college applications to finish.
Then there's her extended family. They love her but still think homosexuality is a sin.
Which is all right with Sasha. She understands how difficult it is to overcome church teachings. And she realizes the teasing and the questions might continue. She's willing to take it. Up to a point.
"I'm OK," Sasha says, "as long as they don't call me a fag."
Stephen Beaven: 503-294-7663; stevebeaven@news.oregonian.com
"They convince them to wage emotional warfare on their parents and siblings and its effects on the family are devastating."
This is the nature of homosexualizing youth -- the homos first must turn kids against their family then follow with the queers/fags are your real and loving family as long as we can perform deviant sexual acts on you. This sickness is pervasive, promoted by hollywood deviants and the ACLU, and will only get worse until more people take a stand and see that the homo lifestyle is not the Will and Grace show.
"BTW, why do you people use name calling so much?"
It might have something to do with descriptive terminology. "Gay" is a recently developed meaning advanced by homosexuals for obvious political reasons and some people have not bought the marketing gimmick for this deviant behavior.
"I don't know about the rest of you, but I went to "Sunday School" from first grade through high school, and I don't remember EVER being taught about homosexuals."
Agreed to a point. I remember once attending a Baptist church in Los Altos, CA in the mid-60s when the minister spoke about homos and their attention to young boys. This of course, coincided with the rise of homos in San Franfreako and their penchant for picking up boys from junior high to HS. At this time the homos were being hauled to jail for this practice that is now pretty much ignored.
"Ah, the leftist, soulless stealth methodology ... You have no idea whether the degenerate tells the truth regarding the upbringing, but you afford her full credibility because she is 'telling it like you want it to be'. You are duly noted at FR."
There is no difference between good and evil, and right and wrong. This is the best philosophy used to excuse any manner of behavior.
"Yeah, I have. I learned not to judge lest I be judged."
--A revealing statement of your dishonesty. All people judge and discriminate. It is called being a sentient being.
"Well, it may not be a popular response here, but I wish Sasha well. I'm a flaming heterosexual male and, like her Uncle Tony probably would respond, I have no damn idea why women intrigue me so much. I'll bet Sasha doesn't either.
"Regardless of whether she's lesbian, queer, gay, or (excuse me, Sasha) a fag, I'm certainly not in a position to be her judge. BTW, why do you people use name calling so much?"
I don't care for the name-calling either, including fag, queer, homophobe, racist, bigot... It applies to both sides.
Another thing the reporter mentioned but did not follow up on: "Sasha and her three siblings lived with their grandparents in Salem for several years while their parents were in and out of trouble with the law."
And what kind of "trouble with the law" was that?
What an absolutely incurious creature this "reporter" is!
I kind of feel a little sorry for people like this.
Self-mutilation is a sure sign of depression.
Please jump in. Good comments.
I have not said anything about the fact that a typical homosexual lifestyle is less healthy than a typical heterosexual lifestyle, and that heterosexuals are, generally speaking, happier, more productive people than are homosexuals. Nor have I said anything about the Bible condemning sex acts between men in very strong terms. These facts are demonstrably true.
What I do have a real problem with is the use of invective and personal attacks as a substitute for an intelligent, reasoned argument.
I'm also curious as to what mr. bbm's point is. That might actually be a valuable discussion. Acting like a potty-mouthed 10-year old is not.
Statiscally she is not going to be okay. She is another lifelong addict in training.
Good points.Hey,I might turn Lesbian too if I was a woman and had to deal with some of those boys masquerading as men.
I was subbing at a hard core ghetto school a few years back and toward the end up the period I had a few minutes to"chop it up"with the girls in ROTC.
They revealed to me that many of the girls there are in lesbian relationships or are bi-sexual because they were abused by older men,some in their own family,as children.
The funny thing is that many of them dress like ghetto femme fatales but prefer the softer sex over the roughneck thugs.
"Nobody will let him forget it"
I know if it was ME,I wouldn't forget it either.
Thanks!
IF she was in my family, she would be "dead to me" until she finally came around.
To be honest, you sound like a flaming wuss with no convictions. This girl is sick.
The gay lifestyle is evil. Liberal bed-wetters like yourself are not going to change anyones mind.
Funny about the "femme fatale" dressing, though. That contrasts with my camouflage hypothesis, doesn't it? Are they dressing that way for each other? Or do they enjoy attracting guys and then rebuffing them? That hardly seems self-protective.
I find it extremely interesting that every homosexual I have met has had a horrible relationship with at least one of their parents, the majority have been an absent father. If you don't believe me, do the research yourselves. Start asking all those who have chosen this lifestyle what their relationship with their parents is like. You will see a definite pattern. Sin is like a drug. It is addictive. Once, you enter into this lifestyle it is very hard to break away. It becomes a drug that they must have. That is why they like the "support" they get from others who share this lifestyle or support it. Should you disagree with them they lash out, they feel like you are taking the needle from the druggie. They want more and more, all the while they remain empty on the inside and they just can't figure out why. When Sasha is older and has "life responsibilities", she will discover how empty she is and she needs God. I only pray that God will open her eyes and ears to hear his truth and to see his love for her. Jesus came to save sinners (which is everyone).
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