Pray for Coal (The 10 most dangerous play things of all time)

Radar Report ^ | 12/16/2006 | Paige Ferrari

[Dallas59]

Last month, Target recalled 10 of its Kool Toyz-brand play sets, citing hazards like "lead paint," "sharp points," and "puncture wound potential." The toys, which included plastic aircraft carriers, dinosaurs, and tanks, all appeared harmless enough. But according to the killjoys at the Consumer Product Safety Commission, children—at least those prone to eating plastic objects as big as their head—were at serious risk. A week later, Mattel recalled 4.4 million Polly Pocket dolls and accessories because kids were swallowing the toy's magnets. The Associated Press reported, "If more than one magnet is swallowed, they can attach to each other and cause intestinal perforation, infection or blockage." Three children required surgery.

In the last year alone, some eight million units of toys were recalled in the U.S., according to W.A.T.C.H., a toy-safety advocacy group. But Kool Toys and Polly Pockets are kids' stuff compared to the hazardous baubles of yesteryear. In the spirit of the holidays, Radar presents the 10 most dangerous toys of all time, those treasured playthings that drew blood, chewed digits, took out eyes, and, in one case, actually irradiated. To keep things interesting, we excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm. Below, our toy box from hell.

[Dallas59]

# 1

DEATH FROM ABOVE...LAWN DARTS

Respect the Jart or it will destroy you...



Removable parts? Suffocation risk? Lead paint? Lame hazards compared to the granddaddy of them all. Lawn Darts, or "Jarts," as they were marketed, would never fly in our current ultra-paranoid, safety-helmeted, Dr. Phil toy culture. Lawn darts were massive weighted spears. You threw them. They stuck where they landed. If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved. During their brief (and generally awesome) reign in 1980s suburbia, Jarts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths.

scary-jarts.jpg STOP TOSS MEASURES The lawn dart was put on the permanent no-fly list in 1988 The best part about Jarts was that they eliminated all speculation from true outdoor fun. (Is this dangerous? Hell yes, now chuck it!) And they were equal opportunity: All it took to play lawn darts was a sweaty grip. For good measure, it was also nice to have a small sibling around to stand on the other side of the house and tell you how your throw looked (and by how much you cleared the chimney).

The actual rules of lawn darts, as laid out by the manufacturer, were never important. No one is known to have used Jarts for their intended purpose. It shouldn't be surprising, then, that an accident involving a wayward spear and the semi-permeable head of a seven-year-old resulted in the toys' being banned from the market in 1988. Sadly, today's underage boys will never know the primal excitement of a summer's evening spent impaling friends before suppertime.

NEXT TOY>>>

[Domandred]

Ah the memories. I had the lawn darts (two sets) and the BSG missile launcher.

I'm surprised I didn't see those hard shafted dart guns in there. I had one that looked EXACTLY like a Baretta 9mm.

[Dallas59]

I had this stuff this too...I still have both eyes...

[dennisw]

[DemforBush]

I absolutely loved Jarts and my cool BSG missile launchers (had both the Colonial Viper and the Cylon Raider!) Never got so much as a boo-boo from either one of them.

Now, the time I thought it would be a good idea to mount a piece of pvc pipe on the handlebars of my bicycle and use it as a bottlerocket launcher, well that was another matter...

[Domandred]

good idea to mount a piece of pvc pipe on the handlebars of my bicycle and use it as a bottlerocket launcher

Uber. My first bottlerocket launcher was also pvc pipe, but all I did was put it on my shoulder and call it a bazooka...course I also mounted my rocketry kit launch button to the pvc pipe and used the solar igniters to light the fuse.

Good times.

[lesser_satan]

[Loud Mime]

Back in the 60's we made bunkers on the beach and had bottle rocket wars.....It was fun at night!

[wideminded]

Although the description states that it was only marketed in 1951, I recall seeing ads in the 1960's for a cloud chamber identical to the one featured in the Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab. Maybe it didn't come with as many sources. I wanted one.

[Walkingfeather]

We would play Mumbly darts with these as a kid. Great fun.

[IndyTiger]

My guest tonight is Mr. Irwin Mainway, President of Mainway Novelties, and Chairman of the Board of Mainway Latex Corporation. Mr. Mainway, you are clearly the main flagrant offender in this area. For instance, your company manufactures and distributes this Halloween costume.. [..Johnny Space Commander mask, which retails for $6.95. It's nothing more than a plastic bag and a rubber band. This is very dangerous for young children!

Irwin Mainway: [ grabs the costume ] Okay, I'm gonna say something about my product right here, Johnny Space Commander mask. I want to say, first of all, it's a very fluid item, in terms of sales. I don't know, Miss Face, if you're familiar with the movie "Star Wars"? Well, this movie has generated a tremendous amount of popularity and enthusiasm about space and science fiction. [ rips open the costume packaging ] This Johnny Space Commander mask here is a pure fantasy toy. I mean, you know, kids can have a lot of fun with a toy like this, you know? Let me show you.. [ puts the plastic bag over his head, then wraps the rubber band around it ] "Hello, hello, this is Johnny Space Commander. I'm in deep space, I'm gonna land the rocket now!" You see what I mean? [ takes off the plastic bag ] You see what I mean? It's a pure fantasy toy!

[Pro-Bush]

Jarts are bad-ass, I need to buy a set for my toddler.

[Lurker]

The Johny Flame Kit was my favorite:

"It's a bag of oily rags and a Zippo Lighter!"

L

[beyond the sea]

ROFL!

(Lawn Darts)............ I didn't read a thing, and was going to suggest those things, and there they were right away ........ especially dangerous at a party with a lot of alcohol.

[Steel Wolf]

Happy FUN BALL!

-only $14.95-

* Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
* Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
* Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
* Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:

* Itching
* Vertigo
* Dizziness
* Tingling in extremities
* Loss of balance or coordination
* Slurred speech
* Temporary blindness
* Profuse sweating
* Heart palpitations

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Happy Fun Ball

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

[VRWCtaz]

ROFLMAO - Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning.