[Dallas59]

# 1

DEATH FROM ABOVE...LAWN DARTS

Respect the Jart or it will destroy you...



Removable parts? Suffocation risk? Lead paint? Lame hazards compared to the granddaddy of them all. Lawn Darts, or "Jarts," as they were marketed, would never fly in our current ultra-paranoid, safety-helmeted, Dr. Phil toy culture. Lawn darts were massive weighted spears. You threw them. They stuck where they landed. If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved. During their brief (and generally awesome) reign in 1980s suburbia, Jarts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths.

scary-jarts.jpg STOP TOSS MEASURES The lawn dart was put on the permanent no-fly list in 1988 The best part about Jarts was that they eliminated all speculation from true outdoor fun. (Is this dangerous? Hell yes, now chuck it!) And they were equal opportunity: All it took to play lawn darts was a sweaty grip. For good measure, it was also nice to have a small sibling around to stand on the other side of the house and tell you how your throw looked (and by how much you cleared the chimney).

The actual rules of lawn darts, as laid out by the manufacturer, were never important. No one is known to have used Jarts for their intended purpose. It shouldn't be surprising, then, that an accident involving a wayward spear and the semi-permeable head of a seven-year-old resulted in the toys' being banned from the market in 1988. Sadly, today's underage boys will never know the primal excitement of a summer's evening spent impaling friends before suppertime.

NEXT TOY>>>

[Domandred]

Ah the memories. I had the lawn darts (two sets) and the BSG missile launcher.

I'm surprised I didn't see those hard shafted dart guns in there. I had one that looked EXACTLY like a Baretta 9mm.

[dennisw]

[DemforBush]

I absolutely loved Jarts and my cool BSG missile launchers (had both the Colonial Viper and the Cylon Raider!) Never got so much as a boo-boo from either one of them.

Now, the time I thought it would be a good idea to mount a piece of pvc pipe on the handlebars of my bicycle and use it as a bottlerocket launcher, well that was another matter...

[lesser_satan]

[wideminded]

Although the description states that it was only marketed in 1951, I recall seeing ads in the 1960's for a cloud chamber identical to the one featured in the Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab. Maybe it didn't come with as many sources. I wanted one.

[IndyTiger]

My guest tonight is Mr. Irwin Mainway, President of Mainway Novelties, and Chairman of the Board of Mainway Latex Corporation. Mr. Mainway, you are clearly the main flagrant offender in this area. For instance, your company manufactures and distributes this Halloween costume.. [..Johnny Space Commander mask, which retails for $6.95. It's nothing more than a plastic bag and a rubber band. This is very dangerous for young children!

Irwin Mainway: [ grabs the costume ] Okay, I'm gonna say something about my product right here, Johnny Space Commander mask. I want to say, first of all, it's a very fluid item, in terms of sales. I don't know, Miss Face, if you're familiar with the movie "Star Wars"? Well, this movie has generated a tremendous amount of popularity and enthusiasm about space and science fiction. [ rips open the costume packaging ] This Johnny Space Commander mask here is a pure fantasy toy. I mean, you know, kids can have a lot of fun with a toy like this, you know? Let me show you.. [ puts the plastic bag over his head, then wraps the rubber band around it ] "Hello, hello, this is Johnny Space Commander. I'm in deep space, I'm gonna land the rocket now!" You see what I mean? [ takes off the plastic bag ] You see what I mean? It's a pure fantasy toy!

[Pro-Bush]

Jarts are bad-ass, I need to buy a set for my toddler.

[beyond the sea]

ROFL!

(Lawn Darts)............ I didn't read a thing, and was going to suggest those things, and there they were right away ........ especially dangerous at a party with a lot of alcohol.

[Steel Wolf]

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