Posted on 12/14/2006 9:32:26 AM PST by Ben Chad
I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.
That must have been some kind bud there!
I've seen someone throw up while smoking, but it was from hard coughing that stimulated the gag reflex.
I was that kid only at about 12 instead of 16, my parents were too lazy to discipline me and I kept going until a really really bad acid trip in college scared me off it, then I found Christ. If my parents had done something like this, i know my "friends" would have drifted away or rejected me and then i'd have seen that they weren't friends at all but just other dope heads i could pool money with and score connections from. Kids turn on other kids not because they are friends but because the kid has access to money, are ignorant about drug culture and you can pinch out of thier bags when you score for them. By the time they are clued in, well they know how to play the game and it keeps going.
Exactly.
Unfortunately, most "men" my age (31) grew up being taught they had zero responsibility as fathers.
Worse still, women were lucky if they were taught how to be mothers let alone women.
(Most have been trying hard to be men.)
And this doesn't even scratch the surface of the issue.
By the by, good to see you two.
How have you been in my exile to the evening hours?
Absent a father, a nice trip through a hard core prison should do him good.
Also they should make sure he avoids all the hippie/Libertarian websites.
I think there are certain types of people that can only learn through actual experience.
In my case, my extremely strict upbringing kept me 'in-line' for 21 years, which was a good thing...because when I started gaining more freedom and trying things on my own, I was ALMOST mature enough to handle it.
When hyperbole is used, it can be a bad thing. After being told growing up that alcohol 'will certainly make you an alcoholic and you'll probably end up on the streets, or your life will be ruined', when the time came and I actually had alcohol, and none of that happened, you start wondering whether other prohibitions were similarly 'oversold'.
On the other hand, drugs and alcohol will put in in situations where your life can be seriously messed up - auto accidents, injury, etc., and maybe you have an addictive personality type and will be forever addicted. But for some it's worth the risk, just like anything else.
I have zero child-rearing skills, but you might try making him aware of those risks and tell him that you don't think the rewards outweight the risks.
I'm throwing down the BS card on half of those.
Acapulco gold was what I was told, but from what little I know, it looked like what some locals referred to as rhodesian red.
Not certain what the devil it was, it had resin you wouldn't believe, but watching that made me laugh at first, then feel quite sorry.
Now I just watch my dear eldest sibling do stupid things while lit.
(BBQ grill incident.)
Really?
What little you know.
If you feel like telling the grill story, I have the feeling I will laugh myself silly at it.
Your life's been way to interesting.
Slim is a dull boy.
I have a wonderful lady taking up my time lately and I am a fortunate fellow IMO.
:-)
I read a lot, but have not posted as much needing (like many of us) a break from the election.
Over night for a conviction?
Either we are equal or we are not. Good people ought to be armed where they will, with wits and guns. NRA KMA Merry Christmas
It involves some pot, more than a little beer, my brother, and one sorry looking BBQ grill.
He decided he was going to make a 'camp fire'.
One can't do that without a space for the fire, so he pulled out this sad BBQ grill.
One can't have fire without fuel, so he hunts around for something to burn.
Newspapers, kerosene, and lighter fluid seemed reasonable to him.
His master plan was to add wood once he'd gotten the papers to light.
After we got done putting out the side lot, and meandered through lots of cussing and observations of how nice the flames did look, he admitted that drenching the paper with liquids, lighting it, and throwing the first log into the now billowing paper wasn't such a good idea.
Looked to me like video of a napalm tank going up, with him standing there looking both shocked and pleased, which was very confusing to see.
He did have his campfire though.
I guess I would tell your friend to tell her son that 1)she cares about him and thinks this behavior is destructive and foolish. There is NO acceptable reason (peer pressure, 'belonging' etc) that justifies the criminal act of pot smoking, so she need not listen to any attempts at justification. There is no negotiation here. Either he stops it or she stops investing in him.
2)Find out who the 'friends' are who are doing it and let their parents know. There is usually a peer group leader who starts 90% of the foolishness and dragging him into the limelight is a good first step.
3) Take him to a police station and have a cop explain to him the ramifications of getting caught. If he persists, I agree wholeheartedly with dropping the dime on him. Give him fair warning that you are going to do it, and then do it if he persists.
I don't have kids, but I was one and the thing that kept me on the right path when faced with choices, was my thinking how disappointed my parents would be in me if I screwed up. I respected my parents and I think that's why I cared about what they thought of me. The thought of them being ashamed or disappointed in me was not an option.
Don't get me wrong, I was not a mamma's boy or a perfect kid. I was allowed to make honest mistakes as part of learning, but once I'd been thoroughly briefed on a topic (like don't smoke pot, period) there was no doubt left on that subject.
I was 8 when I got to see someone slap at coke bugs under their skin.
I was 12 when I got to see DT's.
The tripping daisies incident involved a friend and some LSD when I was 16.
I got to learn firsthand, and most of the time wish I hadn't.
I am amused, mostly, by those who think it is BS.
I guess they need to see DT's and coke bugs themselves, more power to them.
As the parent, use the "spoken pity and unexpected consequences" approach.
When talking with child about any news of drug use and arrests, consistently but convincingly state, "oh, I feel so sorry for them; they must be so mixed up; I hope they can get their act together and stop; maybe you could help them some way; those poor kids". This has the effect of bringing the kid up to where he thinks he is a level above his bored peers.
Seems to have worked for mine. Started earlier than 16, though.
Been working the third shift myself.
So my daytime hours are spent in blissful sleep.
Unless the drunk neighbor is slamming the wall with Lord only knows what body section.
I'll just believe you, ok?
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