2006: Major events in the year that almost wasn't
by JohnHuang2
The most significant thing about 2006 is that we've gone six years without a President being sued for sexual harassment nor implicated in a major scandal involving the White House Travel Office nor implicated in another scandal involving state troopers while governor nor implicated in the theft of FBI files nor implicated in the selling of secrets to China in exchange for campaign donations nor linked to a church-burning in Waco nor having all his former business partners get indicted and convicted -- not even having his presidency taken over by his wife. It's amazing how many scandals Clinton was able to squeeze into his first six years in the White House, but that's what happens when you're having the most ethical presidency in history.
The year began with Democrats going bananas about NSA "wiretapping," calling for Bush's impeachment, and ended with Democrats hysterical about NSA "wiretapping," with Democrat Cynthia McKinney filing articles of impeachment against George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Condi Rice and Miss Beazley.
The NSA story was first broken by the New York Times, which accused Chimpenfuhrer of "illegally" protecting America by listening in on 'domestic' calls between those Islamic flower children in Pakistan and perfectly innocent, tolerant and peaceful al-Qaeda-Americans in Dearborn, Michiganistan. In a show of how fair and balanced they are, the media called it "domestic spying," and spent the next few months being hysterical. There hadn't been a single terrorist attack on U.S. soil since 9/11, but Democrats insisted they could best that record. The Democrats' idea of fighting terrorism consists of hiring more nurses ('First Responders') and investigating Halliburton's contracting practices. Intercepting enemy communications and breaking up sleeper cells -- bad. Intercepting enemy communications and "domestic spying" are OK only if the threat rises to the level of Mark Foley's e-mail.
Or if Clinton's trying to get Princess Diana's phone number.
Several months later, after dozens of stories and editorials condemning the evil outing of Valerie Plame and screaming about how unpatriotic it is, the New York Times "patriotically" outs another top-secret program, this time Bush's effort to track the global banking transactions of al-Qaeda's heroic fighters. The SWIFT program. Bush will stop at nothing to infringe on al-Qaeda's privacy -- the sick peeping Tom. The Times later explains that it outed SWIFT in the name of freedom and to show the paper wasn't a toady of the government -- yeah, the Times had to show it's not pro-Bush. Especially after all those nice, warm things it's been saying about Bush all these years.
Other major events of the year include:
-- After finally figuring out how to pronounce the name Samuel Alito -- though swimming champ Teddy Kennedy still calls him AliOto -- Democrats allow a Senate vote on Alito, who easily wins confirmation to the Supreme Court, replacing Sandra Day O'Connor -- you know, the renown military genius on the Iraq Study Group. (When told Iraq's democracy is only partially born, she recommended making an incision in the base of the skull and removing it from the womb. Old habits die hard.)
-- Muslims the world over spent weeks rioting, burning, bombing, kidnapping and killing after some Danish cartoons implied Muslims are violent. But eventually the controversy died down and Muslims peacefully settled back to their normal routine -- rioting, burning, bombing, kidnapping and killing.
-- Al-Qaeda-in-Iraq leader al-Zarqawi gets a dirtnap after a warm greeting from a pair of 500-pound bombs, which means one less speaker at that upcoming Nuremberg rally, er, Democrat '08 convention. Reaction by the enemy to his death was mixed, ranging from horror to passive acceptance -- and that's just the Democrats. Even after ordering numerous suicide bombings, beheadings, kidnappings and other savagery, Zarqawi still didn't get the Nobel Peace Prize like Arafat did.
Zarqawi wasn't even an Iraqi, but a Jordanian national, a fact which the press spent years hardly mentioning. He was in Iraq apparently on a work visa, to do something ordinary Iraqis won't do -- that is, be a member of al-Qaeda (see Democrats).
(Asked to comment, the incoming chair of the House "Intelligent" Committee, Silvestre Reyes, said he was glad to see the Shiite leader gone.)
-- After years and years and millions of dollars spent and after 400 front page stories in the New York Times that an indictment was imminent, Karl Rove was cleared in the CIA "leak" case. The media had linked Rove to the "leak," allegedly ordered by Scooter Libby, under orders from Dick Cheney, under orders from George Bush, under orders from his Mossad masters. Though out of the woods in the Plame case, Rove still remains the main target in the investigation on who caused Hurricane Katrina.
(Later, after only almost 3 years of investigations, Richard Armitage admitted he was the original source of the "leak" and that Fitzgerald knew it all along. So Fitzgerald indicts Scooter Libby for being the second original source and wasted millions investigating Rove for being the third original source. It all makes sense now).
-- After months of cross-border rocket attacks and the kidnapping of two Israeli soldiers by John Bolton and Karl Rove, Israel launches an attack against something called the Hezbollah Schools and Hospitals Social Services Bureau. The bureau's darling little social workers just happened to have 10,000 rockets handy, several thousand of which were launched into Israeli towns, killing many women and children. Allah be praised. In response to Hezbollah's murder of Israeli civilians and other social work, the world blasted Israel for its "disproportionate response." Russia said events in Lebanon were poisonous. China said Israel was violating human rights. Sudan said it was sickened by the humanitarian crisis in Lebanon. Iran's Ahmaneedajob again denied the Holocaust and said Israel was acting like the Nazis during the Holocaust. In a startling departure from past behavior, France did not surrender to Israel. French Defense Minister Michele Alliot-Marie Antoinette threaten to file a U.N. resolution expressing how desperately we feel about this. Predictably, the Left took the side of Hezbollah, even developing a teenage crush on them. About the only way to get liberals to support Israel is to come up with some nut theory that 9/11 was a Mossad job -- oh wait, they already believe that.
A strongly-worded U.N. resolution eventually passed, now there's only love and harmony between Israel and Lebanon.
A few more of these U.N. resolutions, and you'll have the Garden of Eden, home of Adam and Eve, the first Palestinians.
-- Muslims the world over spent weeks rioting, burning, kidnapping, ransacking churches and shooting nuns in the back in protest of a speech by the Pope that implied Muslims are violent. The more "moderate" Muslim clerics and imams -- "moderate" meaning the part-time bombers and head-hackers -- condemned what they claimed was the Pope's insultingly correct characterization of Islam. To calm the savages down, the Pope subsequently issued a statement expressing his sincere regret that they didn't get the point of his lecture. It worked. Satisfied with the Pope's statement, Muslims returned to their normal bombings, head-hackings, kidnappings, and killings.
-- North Korea does its first atomic bomb test, which suspiciously knocks the Mark Foley story off the front page, proving Kim Jong Il is tight with Karl Rove. Anyway, the page scandal was already losing steam after Foley checked into rehab, believing he's gay because he drinks too much.
Asked to comment, Silvestre Reyes said Bush should negotiate with Sunni leader Kim Jong Il, or else we're doomed. "It was all predicted -- right there in the Book on the Apocalypto."
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! As Reyes would say, the future still looks bright and Sunni.
Anyway, that's...
My Two Cents...
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