Posted on 12/04/2006 7:24:54 PM PST by Nasty McPhilthy
Why Jimmy Carter would want to be buried in foreign soil is anybody’s guess, but the former president, whose administration was the economic equivalent of root canal while in the throes of amoebic dysentery, has announced his funeral plans.
Carter wants to be buried in front of his home in Plains, Georgia. At this point, we can only speculate how many of brother Billy’s empty beer cans will be dug up by the backhoe. Any bets?
Jimmy also wants a funeral in Washington, which promises to be quite the somber experience. It’ll be like Ronald Reagan’s funeral without all the pesky people getting in your line of sight.
It’s often said that Carter “was a better ex-president than president,” but trying to decide if Jimmy was a better president or ex-president is like figuring out if you prefer the hemorrhoid on the left butt cheek, or the right one.
Carter is probably still in full-blown “Enzyte Bob” mode, as his pal and anti-American goon Hugo Chavez just won re-election as president of Venezuela.
The legacy that Jimmy Carter will leave behind once his funeral plans are fulfilled would be comical if it weren’t dangerous. The self-appointed Special Ambassador to Everywhere has spent the better part of a few decades using his platform as a former president of the U.S. to practice conflict resolution overseas, bash America, and encourage murderers and their victims to find common ground.
Not long ago, Carter monitored the Palestinian elections, where the Islamic militant group Hamas won an overwhelming majority in the legislature.
Here’s what Jimmy Carter had to say about the Palestinian election mere hours after the voting: “The elections were completely honest, completely fair, completely safe and without violence.” We can only wish Carter could offer that same type of knee-jerk deference to an American election.
Remember the days when Billy was the embarrassing Carter?
What Jimmy Carter, knowingly or unknowingly, said to the world that day was that suicide bombings and other violence at polling places won’t occur as long as terrorists are allowed a spot on the ballot.
There are two options with Jimmy Carter: He’s either a gullible fool in search of a legacy or a closet despot lover in search of a closet.
Back in 2002, Carter visited Cuba and hooked up with Fidel Castro for what almost resembled a creepy eHarmony.com ad. At the time, Carter’s visit rankled nerves in the Bush administration because it was thought that Castro had, at the very least, a limited biological-weapons program.
Carter came out of his trip doubting that Cuba had any such programs. Why? You guessed it: Because Castro told him he didn’t. Well, that and because Castro granted Carter “free access to any place that you may wish to see” (with 24-hour notice for “tidying up”). The Cuban government also told its people that they were free to speak openly with Carter, provided they were polite, courteous and willing to spend the next 20 years in a labor camp.
Why does Jimmy Carter seem to have a soft spot for less than desirable dictators and varied despots around the globe? Simply psychology. The malaise, stagflation, low morale, high misery index, bad leisure suit and disco years that were his presidency look great next to the human rights violations, oppression and violent iron fisted rule of the likes of Castro, Hamas, Chavez, Ahmadinejad, et al.
Carter has figured out what’s helped many an ex-president out of a bad legacy jam. You can’t change history, but you can alter your present company. As Rodney Dangerfield’s character eloquently put it in his movie Back to School, “If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
Jimmy Carter has announced his burial plans, and word has it that he’s already down in Plains trying to mediate the dirt out of the hole. I’m a little surprised that Carter didn’t want to be buried in Venezuela, Cuba, or the Middle East — a little closer to home.
I am old enough to remember what a terrible president Carter was. I didn't know why, but that the country was in a funk was obvious. I also remember the press making excuses for Carter, saying that the job had become too difficult for one man, but then an elderly Republican came along and proved them wrong.
Carter has a 20 year head start. Give the Toon a while. He is trying hard to catch up. Ask his Putin (remember his trail back from the Rooskie visit while not at Oxford) and Arab handlers (current itinerary).
yitbos
The article points out that Carter is more "at home" with foreign nations and that Plains, Ga IS like foreign soil to him.
Oh, I remember that now that you mentioned it! Wow, I had forgotten that!
Too big for THAT man for sure.
How 'bout a pay toilet to generate revenue?
What foreign soil? He wants to be planted in the front yard, and since Georgia is still part of America....
"Carter is probably still in full-blown “Enzyte Bob” mode, as his pal and anti-American goon Hugo Chavez just won re-election as president of Venezuela."
Won? Hugo didn't win anything! He stole the election. There were massive demonstrations against him in November. But then he's friends with Jimmy C. and Fidel so, stealing is nothing new. Besides, don't diss "Enzyte Bob" that way.
bttt
I never send back the post paid envelope-empty. I fill it as full as I can with all the rest of my junk mail. Name torn off though. Make it extra postage--it is still paid. I do it with all post paid envelopes. I hate the junk mail. LOL
Come on now - 'old bill' - was not evil. Stupid yeah, led by an evil witch, yeah, but in and of himself - he was not evil. He is and was an amicable old lecher.
Jimmuh,why wait till you're dead?
I think it started earlier when that Vietcommie got half of one with Henry.
yitbos
Good idea, anybody know where we can get a headstone with a coin slot?
What a well written piece!!!!!
It's called "HUMOR." This writer used it brilliantly!
Well, there will be fewer people on foreign soil who want to p!ss on his grave.
Don't send it back empty. Grap a few 2 inch washers and fill that sucker up. If it's postpaid that'll cost 'em a couple of bucks.
Hell Handgun Control, Inc took a real big hit that way a few years back. Funny as hell it was.
Took a while to dig up all those washers, too.
L
Thursday would be a good day, the day the Japs attacked Pearl Harbor, does that fit with your schedule Jammah?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.