Posted on 12/04/2006 7:24:54 PM PST by Nasty McPhilthy
Why Jimmy Carter would want to be buried in foreign soil is anybody’s guess, but the former president, whose administration was the economic equivalent of root canal while in the throes of amoebic dysentery, has announced his funeral plans.
Carter wants to be buried in front of his home in Plains, Georgia. At this point, we can only speculate how many of brother Billy’s empty beer cans will be dug up by the backhoe. Any bets?
Jimmy also wants a funeral in Washington, which promises to be quite the somber experience. It’ll be like Ronald Reagan’s funeral without all the pesky people getting in your line of sight.
It’s often said that Carter “was a better ex-president than president,” but trying to decide if Jimmy was a better president or ex-president is like figuring out if you prefer the hemorrhoid on the left butt cheek, or the right one.
Carter is probably still in full-blown “Enzyte Bob” mode, as his pal and anti-American goon Hugo Chavez just won re-election as president of Venezuela.
The legacy that Jimmy Carter will leave behind once his funeral plans are fulfilled would be comical if it weren’t dangerous. The self-appointed Special Ambassador to Everywhere has spent the better part of a few decades using his platform as a former president of the U.S. to practice conflict resolution overseas, bash America, and encourage murderers and their victims to find common ground.
Not long ago, Carter monitored the Palestinian elections, where the Islamic militant group Hamas won an overwhelming majority in the legislature.
Here’s what Jimmy Carter had to say about the Palestinian election mere hours after the voting: “The elections were completely honest, completely fair, completely safe and without violence.” We can only wish Carter could offer that same type of knee-jerk deference to an American election.
Remember the days when Billy was the embarrassing Carter?
What Jimmy Carter, knowingly or unknowingly, said to the world that day was that suicide bombings and other violence at polling places won’t occur as long as terrorists are allowed a spot on the ballot.
There are two options with Jimmy Carter: He’s either a gullible fool in search of a legacy or a closet despot lover in search of a closet.
Back in 2002, Carter visited Cuba and hooked up with Fidel Castro for what almost resembled a creepy eHarmony.com ad. At the time, Carter’s visit rankled nerves in the Bush administration because it was thought that Castro had, at the very least, a limited biological-weapons program.
Carter came out of his trip doubting that Cuba had any such programs. Why? You guessed it: Because Castro told him he didn’t. Well, that and because Castro granted Carter “free access to any place that you may wish to see” (with 24-hour notice for “tidying up”). The Cuban government also told its people that they were free to speak openly with Carter, provided they were polite, courteous and willing to spend the next 20 years in a labor camp.
Why does Jimmy Carter seem to have a soft spot for less than desirable dictators and varied despots around the globe? Simply psychology. The malaise, stagflation, low morale, high misery index, bad leisure suit and disco years that were his presidency look great next to the human rights violations, oppression and violent iron fisted rule of the likes of Castro, Hamas, Chavez, Ahmadinejad, et al.
Carter has figured out what’s helped many an ex-president out of a bad legacy jam. You can’t change history, but you can alter your present company. As Rodney Dangerfield’s character eloquently put it in his movie Back to School, “If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
Jimmy Carter has announced his burial plans, and word has it that he’s already down in Plains trying to mediate the dirt out of the hole. I’m a little surprised that Carter didn’t want to be buried in Venezuela, Cuba, or the Middle East — a little closer to home.
Bury him native Indian style, I'll even be happy to strike the first match.
Is his home in GA zoned for that purpose?
Plains, Georgia, is named for the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon (Daniel 3:1). After Jimmy's record in the Middle East, I don't think the locals would take kindly to him being buried in their soil.
likewise
The Air Force under this idiot was frankly a mess. I remember the Hangar queens to salvage parts and not having enough airworthy B-52's to sustain an alert.
In 1980 I can vouch that nearly 90% on base voted this clown out.
Naaaah - that'll happen when Clinton dies. Just wait.
This reads like one of Ann Coulter's weaker efforts.
Readable, good, but not quite what we expect from a wordsmith.
How can he be buried in his front yard, they won't let me be buried in the back yard?
Because his home will be declared a museum and you KNOW that there are dead dummies ...I mean mummies in museums.
Your house, on the other hand, is just going to be a house with new occupants.
That was an inspirational post, Lurker. Now I can't wait to get some more junk mail like that!
Then that truly inspired person would fill up all those little postage paid envelopes the Sierra Club, Coalition To Prevent Handgun Violence, World Bunny-Hugging Society, Save The Cute Little Fluffy Whatever It Is From Evil Corporate Running Dog Lackies, and then spend spare time in front of the tv filling them up with 2 inch diameter washers.
That inspired person might even let a few of his friends know and have a night of pizza, beer, and envelope stuffing.
Of course you'd have to keep them under the new 1 pound limit established by the Post Office, but these people would quickly find that 5 plate washers stays just underneath that limit.
Why one could even have a small prize for the most whacked out lefty organization which sends postage paid envelopes.
It would be hours of fun for a small group of unreconstructed capitalist pigs. Not that I'd advocate any such thing, of course....
L
Weeeeellllll, I don't particularly give a rip where Jimmah is buried. As much as I won't cry when he goes, they should probably wait till he is dead. I can also tell you I won't spend so much (read: any) time watching a State funeral. I best stock up on some good movies for the occasion. Maybe a case of Diet and plenty of popcorn.
I hope he gets laid to rest with his crazy rabbit.
"I think it is called Satire"
And have him lie there "in state" for 444 straight days...in a cardigan sweater with a yellow ribbon tied on his casket, and a killer rabbit at his side.
"Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his." (Ronald Reagan during the 1980 presidential campaign)
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